Home / 2009

January 10, 2009


Getting ready to meet a friend and hear…“The Heavens are open to those who seek with a heart of gratitude and love.”




August 3, 2009 (Monday morning in Mendocino)


Looking out the window, pausing in my reading, at the beautiful ocean and trees caught in the morning sunlight. I am in Mendocino again, as a  thought of Aaron flashes into my mind and I hear with my inner hearing,

“It’s beautiful … enjoy it, I did. Let’s take a walk, get out and enjoy it!”

And using my ambivalence as I questioned the authenticity of his words and replied, “After a paragraph or two.” and then returned to my reading.

And hearing Aaron’s voice again, in a taunting tone, “It’s safer.”

I immediately flash on my soul card, ‘Suppressed in Safety’ the very first card that I created of my deck of personal soul cards. (a set of cards that I have created using cut out pictures from magazines to create collages of self-identifying  parts of myself  and archetypes of life’s journey.)

“I’ll be waiting.”

I am now writing what just transpired before I lose the experience, and then I’ll be getting dressed for a walk with Aaron. (Aaron is my nephew who recently passed in a plane accident as he was piloting his plane.)


Fears …

As I sit on a rock and contemplate the path of water from shore to outcropping. The same outcropping that holds my special place that keeps drawing me trip after trip. And now debating the crossing to the other side. I am swarmed with thoughts and fears; swarming around my mind like angry hornets dive-bombing, my thoughts of crossing the water … Will I fall? … How deep is the water?… I can’t tell?… Is the tide getting stronger? … What if I fall or drop my IPod or notepad and destroy everything by getting it wet? … Will I get caught by the incoming tide and not able to get back? … The rumblings of an unsettled stomach? …snakes? … as I hear the fears. The thought forms calm, but still hover. And think again of, ‘Suppressed in Safety’.


I then see Aaron with my mind’s eye climbing over rocks and through the seaweed and forging through the water. Is it my imagination or truly he in spirit? He in his unbridled fear of the world, showing me the way… a life without fear. And my fearful mind reminds me where it got him, to his death less than a month ago. And in another thought, it brought him life… living!

“What the Hell!” I said to myself. What if my writings and IPod get wet. What if there are tides and snakes! … “What if!” ‘What if’, seems to be the question and perhaps the appropriate answer should be … “And So What!”

This seems to be a metaphor for my life … the way looks difficult … is it safe? And on and on it goes,  “And So What!”  So here I go, standing and surveying the waters, the hornets of fear bombarding again. What the hell!  Here I go, with Aaron as my guide!

My shoes and socks are wet and the bottom of my shorts clinging to my thighs as I press into the paper with the pen to hold it down in the breeze. The same familiar view from time past. The same feel as I perch on my ‘throne of bones’. I gaze out over the indigo sea and rock in their dance, that I witnessed many times in past visits, from this perspective of the crossing and give an inward yell of exuberance, “I Did It!” I stammered at the shore for a few minutes and then plunged my tennis shoes into the cold waters and forged ahead slowing little except to ask forgiveness for the crunching sounds of sea snails being sacrificed in my crossing. When I reached the other side and began to climb the dry rock I heard and saw an ecstatic Aaron wild with praise and joy … “We Did It!”

 Tears of appreciation swell in my eyes as I think of my dear past nephew. What we missed in life I was capturing in his death.

“Let us not waste the word or experience on regret. Let us speak as we never have with a love that surpasses fears of rejection and loss. Let us speak love.” The words flowed to me with such ease and grace, without thought.

My tears flow as I write, seeing the page blur as I feel a fullness of feelings. My heart is full of gratitude … I weep in the fullness of joy.

I marvel at the sight of the man, years ago sitting in this very spot with the wide eyes of a boy seeing and experiencing a new realm for the first time. (My ‘Wonderment’ card of my soul card collection) And in contrast to the new man that is continually opening, but still has the eyes of wonderment, that is more accepting and trusting in his experience. Trusting the dance of his body with the energy and movement of mudras. I feel more of a peace in my body, which is strange feeling with my recent diagnosis and the concern that I should have. There is some concern; it has been another wake-up call. My dear friend, ‘R’ has been quite concerned expressing many things I could do for my health. In her expression, I came to the realization and closer understanding of my embrace of life.

 It seems like all my youth I have wanted to escape my life, to leave it behind and as a young adult even made attempts to leave it, especially after my death experience, resigned to living and being here as long I have to be, but always waiting for the door to open. Always saying to others, “It will be a wonderful day, a day to rejoice when the veil is finally lifted and the passage passed.” And so with the concern and promptings of my friend, I saw and realized again, that I have been here but again not fully embracing life. Willing to be here, if I have to, but have not fully embraced living and there is some question if I even wanted to. I left on this journey to the coast with that in mind, my embrace of life. And so here I sit on my ‘throne of bonesand can view the distance of the past few years. The distance traveled from the man of wonderment who was new to the sensations of energy expressed in his body to the man still in wonderment, but filled with acceptance and gratitude. Laughing at myself, as I remember only a few moments ago, still having to forge through my fears of safety. Perhaps I have only journeyed a step or two … as I smile at myself.

“And… so what!” Hmmm, I love that, my new mantra. That will perhaps be the key to

open the many doors and with each door I open a new embrace of life and beyond!

“Thank you, Aaron!” My love flows to you my teacher…my heart is filled with connection and in that connection have a need to ask for forgiveness in not being stronger in my efforts to reach out, I loved you from afar, even as a kid. My issues and fears have kept me isolated from you and all the family. I ask that you might forgive me in my weakness and fear… I ask that I will forgive myself. Love flows…

I embrace this moment as I look about at the banners of moss that still wave in the ocean breeze and appreciate the swirl and pattern of the gray and weathered grain of the dead tree branch that forms a seat, my throne. I embrace this feeling of wealth, the riches of the experience and the gratitude of being able to have it. Perhaps this is embracing life fully… The embrace of awareness, feelings and gratitude in a conscious state of being.

I pray that I might continue to embrace all of the unknown as it comes to me and remember this rich time upon this throne of awareness.

 I smile … I embrace the new journey back to the other side of the shore. Now laughing… “Maybe there will be sharks?” … “And so what!”





August 4, 2009


The legs of my shorts are a little more wet today, as I sit on the smooth, weathered grain of the throne. The breezes are a little stronger and the water deeper in the indigo hue. My foot is still irritated from the interesting and revealing experience of last night.

 I was in my room reading, when I heard a strong buzz like sound of a large horse fly and when I discovered the source I saw that it was a wasp or hornet crawling along the edge of the carpet. Not wanting to kill it, I went to get a glass and paper to trap it and then release it outside. Upon returning I could not find it and it was then that I felt it. A sting to the bottom of my foot … unfortunate for us both…I stepped on it! The really strange thing is that I could not find the body of the beast after it stung me, and my foot was throbbing and I could see the beginning of the swelling in the sting area. I hobbled and nursed it all evening, thinking that I wouldn’t be able to make the trek in this place. But this morning, to my amazement, the swelling and discomfort was mostly gone. So here I sit with the vibrations of my IPod and of earth mixing to a wonderful, sensory experience once again.

 On my hike down to the shore this morning an ah-ha came to me, as I pondered yesterday’s experience. I wrote of the fears being like angry, swarming hornets and then I get stung in my room of all places, in my supposedly safe place… hmmm. All evening I was trying to make a connection of the meaning of the sting. Because the book I was reading at the time of the sting is “Feelings Buried Alive Never Die” and it was stating that everything that happens to us is orchestrated by either our feelings, fears or Source, God. Not even seeing the connection of the hornets of fear until this morning. And as I feel the moisture of the ocean breeze I still grasp for the deeper meaning. Yesterday, I moved forward beyond the buzzing into the waters, thinking the fear had been conquered and then to still feel it’s physical sting, last night. I unknowingly stepped directly on my fear…even after seeing it…the sting slowed me down… but did not stop me… “And So What!” Every time I write this new mantra, it makes me smile, thinking of Aaron. This morning I felt or imagined him again beckoning to me, as I was in bed reading, he wanting to explore the new day with me. I love having him as a pal, guide and teacher,  with me capturing the new!





August 20, 2009 (An experience with Rajul)


It’s hard to believe that it has almost been a week since the visit with Rajul, as she stayed here in Sacramento for a couple of days. We had plans to spend the time together in sharing and shopping (at the Sunday farmer’s market). On Saturday I arrived at the little guest cottage at ‘J’s, where I found Rajul alone and waiting in mediation on the disheveled fold down sofa.

 As we greeted in hugs and shared our love, she told me that she was just doing some mudra meditation for her digestion and cancer. She showed me the hand gesture and I settled into the citrus green, vintage chair from the 70’s that has been a comfort in past visits with Swamiji and Rajul. I sit in silence as I mirrored with Rajul the gesture and started to feel the energy flow through my body manifesting in small jolts. The energy was building as it incorporated my own mudras, and the energy begins to dance my body. I was comfortable, in Rajul’s presence with letting the energy run through me, because of her acceptance of the flow and dance of energy in my body. It was a gentle flow with soft mudras and arm formations. I was the witness as it changed to a stronger flow in my palms, as I had felt on the coast. Thinking again of my experiences of a couple weeks back and that something has opened and I have moved to a new awareness of the energy flow and dance emanating from my palm chakras. With my arms out stretched the energy seemed to flow out in fluidity and then merged in an intertwining flow, about 5 feet in front and above my body. As the energy was flowing, I was filled with a feeling of fullness and joy. My mind focused on a desire, a blessing or gift for Rajul from the Heavens. As I was focused on the asking I heard with my inner hearing a soft male voice say in clarity, “It is she that is the gift to you.” With hearing those words I was filled with a joy that broke into soft laughter as I realized what sat before me, a blessing from the Heavens for the entire world, a gift of love.

My eyes softly opened as I saw her gazing at me in the total love of one who has experienced the energy play in her own body. My words were soft as I shared with her the revelation of the clear voice. She was modest and tried to deflect the focus to me and us as being the gift to each other. In my love of the revelation I persisted with my words repeating again and with stronger focus, and she received the gift in quiet gratitude. With that acceptance my body moved into a strong gesture and stance, as I remained seated. My right leg pulled up to the mid calf position, as it often will do, and my hands flew out to my sides in an outstretched position of praise. Rajul quickly moved to the accompanying chair as we both watched and waited, for what was next to come. I was in a joy again and it was then that I felt the pressure of the energy entering into the room from above, as my still outstretched arms were filled with the fullness of the light. I softly shared with her that it was Dada, her beloved master and my new teacher and guardian. She was quietly saying prayers in Hindi and asking in English for his blessings upon her and us both. It was then that I heard, “Like a mother to a child” and I spoke the words to Rajul, even now I am filled with a quiet joy that fills my eyes with tears, as I sensed the flow of love between them. ‘Like a mother to a child’ was his love for her, as it overflowed to me.

It was in that wonderful feeling that my body went into a strong low bowing gesture, which has often been the case when a high energy or being comes into the room. The same spontaneous, honoring bow that greeted the being who came into the room in the hospital just before Elizabeth’s death, the same bow that greeted me on a couple of other occasions when I was graced with the Light of the Heavens. As my body was bent in half and my hands were at my feet, still seated in the chair, I whispered to Rajul, that it was someone different, stronger and yet I didn’t know who he was. But I did know, as in my past experience of this kind of bow, that it was a strong being of light and peace. Rajul immediately started to quietly question that perhaps that it was Solomon, even the same Solomon as in the Old Testament, for he was the master of her Dada and that would put us in his linage. As she speculated, it was then that I saw with my spiritual eyes a golden crown of light placed on her head.  ‘The gift’ being crowned with the divine light of love.

By this time my body was in an upright vertical praise position. The gestures and full body mudras are beginning to be so comfortable and common for me as I have witnessed them over the years, it is so nice to be in the experience and not in my head doubting and questioning my body, I now realize as I write… there has been growth!

 It was in that upright position that my hands went into a spontaneous pose, held rigid and outward with elbows bent, forearms upright and palms cupping, as if they were holding an object. In this position I heard the words of authority, kindness and love. Words that were comforting and yet only for my ears, for after the experience had dissipated I went to share these words with Rajul and I was stopped and told that it was only for me, which was shocking to me because she was there in the room and part of the experience, and yet I honored the caution with a respect for her. After the words of the kind, male voice; I was given a gift. In my rigid palms was gently placed, a smoothly polished, brownish in color stone, it was elongated and rounded on both ends. It was then that a knowingness entered my mind and the word, lingam. I had heard the word and knew of it but knew nothing beyond that. Nothing than the description and that it represented the maleness in worship. So there with upheld hands I held (I since have learned) a symbol of balance, of the masculine and feminine, and in Sanskrit, the mark or sign, and a symbol of Shiva.

I don’t know the complete meaning, but I hear the words and the voice of love and authority, and know that the meaning is close behind and hear, “knowing will come in time”.

Again, as I write these words my heart is full and my tears are of gratitude that I could witness the change and shaping, from one that resisted life to one who is awaiting the next turn and the surprise that it will hold. My hands pressed in love, gratitude and witness… I ask for forgiveness and the continued blessing of love.





November 7, 2009


Driving on the freeway after a long hard day … my body jolted and instantly, I became aware of Mom and a feeling that the Heavens were open to me. I felt a love and fullness that started the flow of tears and in those tears a sense of gratitude. In that sweet connection I could feel her love for us and her concern for dad being all alone. I immediately went to the store and bought him a few groceries as an excuse to deliver and visit with him.



November 9, 2009


Had another wonderful breakfast with, my friend ‘R’… as of late it is one of our favorite ways to spend time and do some catching up of our lives. We kid and say how it makes us feel as if we are privileged to be ‘people of leisure.’ For all the years of working weekends, I would see people having breakfast and think how fortunate they were to have that time to relax. And now ‘R’ is showing me the reality of self-respect … in giving myself that which I have longed for as I saw it in others.


Time shared with ‘R’ is becoming sweeter as we both relax into our friendship and discover the safety in honest expression. I can feel myself opening to a more free expression of honesty, of letting my true self be seen. Sometimes I want to wither and hide as I see myself share and bare my nakedness, my real self. She has been such a gift, as I expressed to her as she poured the sugar into her latte, having her to help hold a space for me to open and explore more of who I am. I don’t think I have been able to be this real with anybody else. We are able to laugh together, talk on such deep levels and then be able to find humor as we wade through the levels of reality that we try to bridge and make some sense of those realities.

 I do know that the more time I spend with her and we allow ourselves to go to those places of depth, the more I understand that this is not a friendship of chance. I am so in awe at the weaving of Higher Intelligence of this life fabric that holds such beauty, rich vibrate color and complexity of texture.




November 10, 2009 (Shower meditation)


Drawing a single triangle into the steam on the shower door and thinking back onto the conversation during yesterday’s breakfast with ‘R’. The conversation that was stimulated as I expressed to her a feeling of layered realities, as I watched her drawing a triangle in the sugar on the table and seeing her body form another triangle with her forearms leaning on the table edge. I asked if perhaps I was reaching a bit, but at that moment it seemed like what ‘A’ (‘R’s daughter) has expressed, when she is able to see God in everything as she observes life around her. At that moment with ‘R’ I was seeing fragments of God about me.

 And now as I continued to draw in the steam, I layer another triangle onto the single one, creating the Star of David or the tetrahedron. And when I completed the second triangle in the steam of my morning shower the Heavens opened to me and in an instant I had a thought form (layered concepts within one thought) It was like I was able to see a break of light in the fog of reality and I understood far more than my thinking. The layered thoughts opened up a window of understanding and all made perfect sense in that moment.

The perfect and yet simple understanding of the world in which we live, the world of polarity. As I looked at the symbol in the steam I received the understanding that it is another symbol of All That Is. The perfect unity and balance of polarity, in the state of God… love. The layered thoughts of the Garden of Eden (the freedom of choice), the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge (even now as I write these things my body begins to do mudras and jolts of energy fly through me and the sweetness of Spirit is found in the tears on my cheeks). A glimpse of understanding is opened to me of the mists of polarity and opposites coming into balance. We try to separate and divorce ourselves, but it is in the unification and balance that we then can be who we are … All That Is, the state of God … love, and even God. The inclusion of all, in perfect harmony, where there is no polarity, where all exists. We get lost in the maze of polarity of good and evil, male and female, good and bad, whatever the opposite might be, but total harmony is the balance of God.

“Come/bring together and accept all as God and spin your balance into the bliss of

All That Is.”





December 10, 2009


In my past I would have seen coming down with the flu as a negative thing, but today it lead to what I judge as a positive. I stayed in bed this morning far past my alarm. My alarm calling me to get up and going for work, feeling the aches of my body along with the symptoms of a head cold. As I lay there in discomfort I turned on the television to distract myself. There was a movie in progress that opened up my mind to another reality and again seeing as I have been opening to the understanding of the polarity in this life. That in everything is the positive and the negative and that the pure nature of God is in the balance of the two, which seems to take the judgment from a situation. Lately I have been in touch with that part of myself that is called, ‘the victim.’ And God has been teaching me to see past the judgment and to ‘experience my human-ness through eyes of wonder.’ So I try to remember this as I lay here in my sickness and open to the expansion of God.  I pull myself from the warm comfort of my bed into the soreness of my body as it hits the cold winter air and into the shower. And once again in the steam of the shower door I draw the two triangles that are layered on top of each other to create what looks like the Star of David or the tetrahedron. My mind moves to the struggle of polarities and I hear …

“This is the only realm, of struggle, the realm of polarity. The realm of balance is held within the realm, of love. The power/force of God, All that Is.”

I ask, teach me of love…

“Love is the acceptance of what is and will be, which brings us back to the present or is,  and back into God, All That Is.”

And once more in the warmth of the shower I have a glimpse of clarity that is beyond my thinking and mind. A glimpse into the Love of God, All that Is.

And so what would have been a negative of illness leads to a glimpse of God.





December 12, 2009

An email sent to Rajul…


My Didi (sister),

I was just driving home from work and my body went into very strong mudras while I was driving. Moans started to come from deep within me and then emotions through tears. I pray that you are being stroked by the Heavens and that our Dada is breathing comfort into you. If I can help carry your burden, I am willing. Tears flow … let me help carry the pain and discomfort, and let your mind be focused on the love of ALL that shower you with the petals of praise…. the love of God. I pray that with every breath, you might smell the sweetness of that love and the fragrance will soften the discomfort.

Oh DaDa and the Heavens please hear our prayers and bless our Gift!  Always with love.

After I wrote this prayer to Rajul I got her picture, the one of her and Swamiji. I put on some music, that opens me to the Heavens, lit a candle and incense (as Rajul always encouraged me to do when I do meditation) and my body went into full mudras again (still being in a heightened state). I was the observer as my hands and body did gestures with energy flowing. This mudra state of energy lasted well over an hour, because the music had looped, as it helped me to hold the intense energy connection. At some point my body began to be in such discomfort that I was letting out low groans and tears flowed with discomfort. I cannot describe the discomfort, it seemed to be a mix of physical and emotional … Rajul’s or mine? I could not distinguish the line of division. All I know is that I had to lay on the bed, because I could not be comfortable sitting anymore. So I lie on the bed and let out low groans as the music lolled me in my discomfort and I continued a prayer into a sleep. I write this after only being awake after that sleep and the music is still playing, like a continuous prayer to the Heavens. My body is moving like I am a ninety year old and I am in a soft emotional state for I fear for Rajul…

Tears flow as I think of her … and I think of Elizabeth just hours before her death as she leaned into me and I held her. She was so vulnerable as she expressed her fear. Do we all cling to life out of instinct or because it is what the physical body only knows? Rajul and I have had conversations of our deaths and our mental ideas around death, but it always seems like a contradiction because she was always asking for intervention or perhaps that is the process until acceptance. I could see my own mother making the subtle shift in her thinking and still be in that fear. I talk a big talk about being ready when it comes… but will I be clinging also to the known?

The song, ‘Oh Light of Life’ is playing and it opens my heart like no other,

Oh Light of life, oh pure light divine…


 O Light of Life, O pure Light Divine, Thou art in us, our ember is Thine. Kindle our faith, give us hope when we fear, deepen our love- Thy fire appears! Light of our souls, Thou spark at our birth-grow bright in us, shine bright in all the earth!

O Light of Life! O Light of Peace! Storms will arise, Let Thy light increase. Pearce through dark clouds, give pause to the proud, let Thy shafts fall, let humble heads bowed. Answer our pleas, melt hearts in Thy flame, make us as one- as one in Thy name.

O Light of Life! O sweet Light of Grace! Thou bids us come, See the bright Tree! Behold the white fruit! Feasting we weep, we witness the root!

O Light of Life! O dear Light of Love! Come wash us clean, send forth Thy white Dove! Fill us with Fire, enlighten our eyes, help us to love- ‘Tis price of the prize.

Then let us come, enrobe us in white cleaving to Thee, Light unto Thy Light. Light unto Light, O light of Life!





December 25, 2009

Elizabeth has come to me in a dream state…


I woke this morning with energy running through my body with the my energy jolts and mudras. I woke in a dream state of Elizabeth, as my lips were kissing her forehead. The dream focused on her conducting a workshop in a living room/home setting where she was sitting in a large upholstered chair with wide arms. I remember her asking, if there was anything that anybody would like to share. And I remember a male participant directing a comment to me and saying that I needed to let things flow as the waters of a river and not try to struggle with the flow. She then asked me if this comment bothered me and I said, “no” because I was not in my ego and it was not meant with malice. She then motioned me over to sit on the arm of the chair and she leaned her head back as I leaned over and touched my lips in a soft, loving kiss to her forehead (the same kiss that I gave her the last time I saw her in the hospital before her death). In this dream state I remember her energy flowing into me as we united in that kiss, and it was with that same energy that I awoke.

Later in the day an email sent to Rajul’s children. After hearing that her health took a turn for the worse and they were asking for our prayers…

Dear ‘B’ and ‘S’,

I am so sorry that it has taken me a few days to even sit at my computer, because of my heavy work schedule. But I am now free because the holidays are here and the store is closed for a week.

Thank you for the update on Rajul’s health, it saddens me that she is in such discomfort. I have been praying for her and as I have worked, I have been seeing myself stroking her forehead and whispering comfort to her. For as you know there is a great love, respect and appreciation for her from myself and I am just one of many.

Forgive me, to take a moment and speak of myself…

We have not had the time shared as your mother and father and I have. But they came to me as a Gift from the Heavens. I was in struggle for the things that were happening to me (the mudras and energy that flowed through my body) and your mother and Swamiji were so loving and patient in those first few visits, the first year I met them. And along with meeting them was the meeting of Dada. Which was another door opening to the Heavens and another challenge to trust the process. And in my usual way (said with a smile), I fought and struggled all the way. I have always struggled if this is my creative mind or the real deal. I think that is why when things come through me it has to be so strong for me to trust. And all of this is said to let you know that your mother trusted the process in me even when I did not.

Enough about me and now about her and you, about a year ago she asked me to ask Dada about her situation, but I did not have the strength to give what I had received and even avoided opening myself up and asked, “Who am I to say these things and what if I am wrong?”  Well the time has come to trust again and share that which I have held and struggled with for over a year…


September 14, 2008

Praying for Rajul … Swamiji and Rajul has asked me to pray and ask a blessing of Dada and the Heavens in regards to Rajul’s diagnosis of cancer.

“Write and I will talk with you”…

“This day has come into the thoughts of many the well being and comfort of our loved one. She is a beloved and is in our care. The care of the Heavens is watching over her, for her return to us. The life as she knows it will come to a close and the love that she has sown and reaped will be accounted for. That which, is just a passing, will come within a year and she will be seen on the path of petals and received into our love once more. This time is precious and all caution for the desires to prolong that which all must pass. The burden will be lifted and freedom felt for the one who lives in our hearts and touches the hearts of the many.


The time will come when the strength will be needed by the many to support and sustain the loved one. Come unto us continually and we will show you the love that awaits… The love of the Heavens is most desirable and the beloved will enter into rest. She will become one with that which has blessed her in this life. The one will become all knowing and be able to help those lost and searching. The time is at hand when the love will be received with love.

Be present and know this path is for all and those that embrace it with the same desire as they embraced life will be blessed. Know my son that you are loved and the Heavens await your desire.”

DaDa, shall I share this with Rajul?

“Share it that she will come into acceptance and receive the love that awaits. Share it in love and share it in trust. Trust yourself and your own process of desire and love. “

“Share it that all might prepare.”

My lips pressed to the mala beads that were blessed by Sai Baba and hearing….

“Come unto me and be blessed,

Come unto me and know, come unto me and love,

Come unto me and live.”

“Know your strength that you might know your weakness and then know that which is weak shall be made strong… love and know thyself.”


Tears flow as I send this to you, forgive me for having to.

I think it is the love of her family that keeps Rajul here. I pray that the Heavens, that love her, might give us all the strength that we will need as she walks on the path of petals.

 I have grown to love you all through her,  ‘W’

I am filled with love and sent this to email Swamiji and Rajul right after writing to her children…


Dear Swamiji and Rajul,

Here it is Christmas morning when children are opening their presents and I am remembering the day you came into my life … What a gift! As the Heavens have said you are the gift to me. Thank you for all the love and support that you have shared with me over the years. Yes! Can you believe it has been years, it feels like only yesterday when I wandered into your lives. I imagine myself there with you and in my hand an arrangement of orange flowers, in remembrance of our Dada!  Love,love,love that’s all I feel for both of you right now! Thank you for being the star at the top of my Christmas tree!

Love to you and may the Heavens continue to bless us with unknown gifts!       Your, guru prem




December 28, 2009


I now understand my dream state with Elizabeth; I believe that she came to me to help comfort me with a message to trust the flow and order of things.

I had received several e-mails about Rajul and how she was rebounding with healing which was wonderful news and yet sent me into doubt about my sharing the writings of her path with her children.  And even this e-mail from Swamiji which sent me into shame.

‘i believe in miracles and they happen even today -what you need is FAITH!

Sai baba is helping rajul.’


This was the very same scenario that happened at Elizabeth’s passing. Just a few days before her death she rebounded and it sent me into feelings of less than, because I was not holding the faith as others around me… But am I not, in having faith and trusting in the counsel from the Heavens?





December 28, 2009

An email sent from Rajul to me after her rebound…


dearest one

with ur love and caring

blessings i m getting better slow and steadly

the time we have spent are unforgetable

we will be togethr soon

get better soon  as i m comjng to make tea nd toast for u soon

lots of love


lots of joy nad sharing with all our loved friends


(Didi, which means sister)