January 6, 2017 Friday (1:53 am)
I just woke up with my reading light shining in my face, and as I came into consciousness I began to offer up a prayer. A prayer, asking for forgiveness of turning my back as I was prompted, a couple of days ago, to stop what I was watching on TV because it was offensive to the Spirit. I will explain after as I am keeping the Heavens waiting. It was in the middle of a sentence of this prayer that I was told to write… the Lord has been patient enough with me. Breathing for His word…
“Oh My son, thou hast sinned against the Spirit and Me, and in this ye have been cut-off in thy weakness and in thy attack of the Spirit. For could ye not feel the onslaught of influence as ye gave thyself freely to the influence of opposition? Could ye not feel the forces of darkness gather in attraction, like moths to a light, as ye watched the blood soaked program of your watching (The Vikings)? And in this ye turned thy back upon the Spirit as ye continued in thy opposition to the will of God. And in this the Spirit of Holiness could not dwell and ye were left to the spirit of the world of carnage and unholiness. For in this ye were fed upon, like spiritual prey, in thy disobedience. For what manner of son is given so much then to turn a back of disobedience unto Me, and in this ye are in shame and of a broken heart. As ye continue to ask of Me for thy pardon. But I say unto thee, ‘Why ask of a Father that knows thy weakness, to behold thy lies?’
For what doth it profiteth thee to say unto Me forgiveness when ye see thyself in the disobedience again? For what can be given for thee to overcome such weakness? And it is of such that ye have been asking and contemplating. For it is in this, thy weakness, that opposes My Spirit and it is in this very weakness that ye have sinned. For as ye have done such ye have displayed thy very lack of tolerance for that which ye have been given for thee to abide. And in this is the creator of shame and vice which gives thee such pain. For as ye have heard My counsels to ‘breathe into thy secret places’ so it is that ye have desired but have not acted; and in this ye are buffeted in this very sin of indifference. For as ye seek a person of support, ye will discover the very makings of thy opposition unto Me and in this ye will be healed of such disobedience. But until then ye must be driven like the waters of turbulence by a wind that ye cannot see or control in the state of the natural. So as I declare these things, ye must oppose the very winds that oppose thee. And mock not the will of God with thy actions of shame. For what profiteth thee to watch that which causes thee such pain? For can ye not now know the opposition that ye are at the center? For what profiteth thee to turn to the very vice that ye cannot control in thy weakened state? For in this is wisdom, to stay away from that which has all power over thee. For why would an alcoholic turn to the bottle for one drink when he knows that the one will turn into the many? And the forces of opposition await this very weakness, like the jackals of prey, for the weakened animal to drop of exhaustion. And in thy exhaustion of the physical world of work and worry do ye not even drop to them like the animal of prey? And in this ye have no strength to shake off and defend thyself as the shame of thy weakness is shown unto thee. For even as ye have sinned unto Me, it is in this very weakness of the additive cycle that ye are caught, and are in the very need of My comfort. But what is it of thee to receive and then to sin again? For as ye have contemplated destroying, dismantling, and giving away thy television are ye not even running from that which still controls thee? And are ye not unaware of the very core of weakness that drives thee unto the television and fast food for comfort? For as ye make steps unto the revealing of such pain then will ye be of a nature to be healed. But until that time ye should stay thyself, in thy defense, and oppose those very weaknesses that ye have no power. For in this is the wisdom of the Heavens given that ye might return unto Me again, in thy weakness and afflictions that ye might be made clean again in the washing of the atonement. And in this ye are found worthy to stand before Me again, and in thy forsaking ye will find Me again.
As ye even used thy tools of strength, ye could feel thy weakness without the Spirit of Light to help thee overcome. And in this is the sword weakened when ye have not the Spirit of Strength to wield such a tool of power and opposition. For in this ye acted but had no power to divide asunder the spirit of darkness. For that which still opposes Me has a hold on thee as ye have witnessed such nashing of teeth tearing at thy spirit. And it is in this that ye used My name, and it is in this that ye powered the right of opposition to bid them goodbye. But it cannot dwell with thee again until ye are made clean by the very light that ye seek again.
Oh My son, come unto Me in full purpose of thy heart and allow My Spirit to wash thee in all holiness, that ye are made sufficient again. That ye might drive the very sword of opposition to power thy strength again. For ye wonder of the very sword used in this metaphor and the blood soaked blade of the television, but I say unto thee, ‘The difference is of what motivates the heart.’ For in such carnage was it not a darkened nature, of the basest of the natural man, that was the heart of slaying? And I say unto thee, ‘That the slaying of Spirit is of the opposition, is of light.’ And in this ye are made worthy to bear such. For ye have not mastered the truth of such opposition. For as ye ask and ponder, ye see that the truth is before thee, but just out of thy reach because ye have no understandings of such for thee to partake. And in this ye must suffice in thy knowing that the alignment is the lesson of such at this time. For let ye continue to align and re-align through the gift of repentance that ye might be found worthy again to stand in holy ground/places and know Me again. For receive thee thy askings and let the light wash thee again. And in this is the offering of thy weakness unto Me that ye might be made whole.
Oh world of man, this is the very process that has been anointed of Me, and in Me, that the Father might know His children again. Oh Blessed man receive Me that ye might know Him. Oh Light of My Truth, let the washing of the Spirit cleanse My son again.(I am being washed with waves of the Spirit) And in this is the anointing made pure unto Me and in this is the Lamb’s blood made whole and of purpose. Behold such worthiness of spirit as ye are made to burn bright again. For ye were but of a flicker as ye now burn in a radiance of forgiveness. For behold, such a wonder of forgiveness that is offered unto all. Oh ye weakened souls that flicker in thy shame of hiding, come unto Me and receive the very forgiveness to allow thee to burn bright again. For it is in this very alignment that ye must choose and receive to find thy peace, to allow the light to wash thee again.
Oh My son, thou art blessed, even in this, as ye align and receive. Go and place thy head upon thy pillow and sleep well in the Lord of thy choosing. Sleep well and know Me again.”
It’s Sunday, it has been a few days since this writing, and I am into my second day of being sick with the flu. It’s the sickest I’ve been in years with fevers and congestion. All my natural self wants to do is watch TV and numb out from my experience, but I am resisting. I feel more empowered by the Spirit that is burning bright again. It’s hard to be patient for things to align for this next phase of my healing. I just want to rush and be done with this that allows me to be tossed about by a wind I ‘cannot see or control’. I have a few theories but really won’t know what is there until I find a facilitator and breathe. I am learning patience, which is nothing as compared to what the Lord has shown me.
January 16, 2017 Monday (10:00 am)
It’s a holiday and so I have the day off from work, but I am also making preparations to fly out early tomorrow morning on a business trip. All morning I have been reading the Doctrine and Covenants between tasks and my heart has been full. I was just kneeling in humble prayer before the Father and as I was pouring out my heart (accompanied by energy jolts shooting through my body) I was stopped in mid sentence and told to write. I quickly arose and here I am writing this and beginning my breath to prepare the way for His word…
“Oh My son, thou art blessed in this, My word, and in the fullness of Spirit that is open to thee. For even as a heart is open in this way it is of no worth unto Me except ye know of My love and thy worth. For what doeth it profiteth thee to offer up thy heart unto the Heavens to not know and behold the great love which is shown and beheld? For even as ye and man humble themselves before Me, it is in this that the channels of Spirit are brought before Me to know of such worth. For what doeth it profiteth either thee or Me to have a one-sided conversation, without bond and without converse? For it is in this very worth that your prayers are brought before Me, and it is in this very knowing that My word and love is brought unto thee. For what manner of prayer is only one-sided? A prayer not heard. For man thinketh that the annuals of Heaven are for the transcendent but let Me say unto thee, ‘What Father doeth not want to share all His wisdom unto His children? What loving Parent doeth not want the glory of betterment to rain down upon His heritage? For what manner of Parent doeth not want only but love for all that He loveth? And now ye know what parent I am.’ For in all of this ye cannot comprehend such a love of fullness and wonder. But I say unto thee, ‘To hear such a prayer of the heart is to make a Father weep in the depth of love.’ For what manner of heart pours unto Me the very weakness to be made pure? What manner of child calls out for the very love that is needed in the depths of healing? For even as ye are humbled before Me, let Me say unto thee, ‘Raise forth and rejoice, and know such worth of a soul. For even in this humbleness of spirit are thy prayers answered.’ For even as ye have asked for thy path unto healing be opened, I say unto thee, ‘It is done.’ For thy path will open and in this desire ye shall find the peace of mind and heart.’ And in this that ye have been afflicted, ye will be made whole. For ye have born thy burden well, and ye have not shirked thy weight of oppression.
For he that fighteth against Me has thrown his very finest at thee and ye have not stumbled, ye have not fallen to stay down. But ye have shown thy might and strength even in this that ye have been challenged. For the very forces of hell have raged against thee, and ye have not succumb to that which has raged against thee. So My beloved son, hear My words of joy… ‘Rejoice even in this!’ For your road will open and ye will behold thy work which is made easy before Me. For perform the tasks instructed and ye will see the portals of sin closed unto thee. For have not the cursings of past generations been thy very curse? For have ye not born the weight of fathers upon fathers of the generations of sin? And in these very cursings ye have not faltered, and it is through thee and thy valiancy that the links of this very chain are broken. And in this that the binds that have bound so many are made free. For as he is given no power, he has no power, and in this are generations blessed. For it is upon My Son, Jesus/Jehovah, that all is made pure. It is upon the ceaseless care of Mine angels that ye are made free, but it is in thy action of opposition that he is bound. For it is in and of this plane that the binding will proceed, and it is of this manner that the right is brought unto justice. For ye have done the work of generations that most do not see or even know. But it is upon thy shoulders of love that ye have born the weight and it is in thy heart of love that ye have been made to triumph.
For what manner of hell surges against a child and man of the Father? A foolish force that hath not the sight to see, but the foolish enveyings to act. For he thinketh that man is weak, but what man of a heart unto Me when he becomes one in My love and purpose… Oh foolish one of the world, ye know nothing but thy own envy. Go forth and reign over those that know thee and ye will soon reign over nothing. For even as the light shineth it will be a glorious day that the Son of Man will be of such light that the angels will bow their heads in such glory. And He who has fulfilled all prophesy will reign in a fullness that cannot be defied.
Oh My blessed son, know these things and ye know the way of God, thy future. For soon that which ye have been told to prepare, ye will behold. And ye wonder, ‘In life or in death?’ And I say unto thee, ‘Life! For even in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive. Concern thyself no more with worry of pain to thy loved ones, but know Me and ye shall be made worry free of such; for there is no death in Me.’ So come and behold the Son and ye know the love of the Father. Even so ye are blessed to hear and know the mind and love of God. Even so, rejoice.”
January 20, 2017 Friday (Morning)
“My son, My son come unto Me.” is what I heard as I was giving my morning prayer. I am in Dallas on a business trip and as I was needing to get ready to meet my group I was kneeling on the edge of the hotel room bed and offering my morning prayer when I heard the call to write. I hurriedly gathered pen and paper as I heard the following…
“I know thy time is short but let Me say unto thee, ‘Thou art blessed in this very prayer of humble submission.’ And it is in these very words spoken that ye will receive My light to guide thee through that which is ever present, the world. For even as your spirit reaches out, let thy eye be single unto Me and thy light shall be My light and My light thine. That ye may know the way/path through the lairs and desires of the world. For even as ye do this ye will know Me in all the glitter of that that shines, and beguiles the unawake souls that see only the shine of the glitter and shine/light of the worldly. Be unto Me in this and ye shall know Me, even as ye walk through these paths.”
I might share… as I mentioned I am in Dallas helping a company buy for next year’s holiday seasons. I have walked, for a few days now, through the Dallas World Market showing countless holiday and everyday décor. As I have walked through these hundreds upon hundreds of thousands products it is hard to not see a senselessness in all the shine and glitter of a world that seems so false. A world that tries to imitate the true joy of the Spirit, of knowing Christ. As I walk through this shine it’s difficult, at times even with opened eyes, to not get caught up in the worldly desires and even my own desires of the world. It’s interesting to see over the years trends changing. Not trying to sound extreme, but over the years you can see a trend of Halloween becoming more and more popular with its lights and décor. With what started out as just a fraction, in comparison to Christmas, you can see the showroom floors growing with merchandise that is even trying to imitate the sacredness of Christmas. As I walk and see angel wings mounted with a crowned skull head and I begin to question if these trends are a metaphor as I see dark becoming light and darkness being named good as the scriptures speak of the last days. I know that all of these holidays and their decorations bring happiness to peoples and families but I am also very aware how ever so subtly the mists of darkness can silently creep into one’s thinking to cloud a clear view of light shining brightly. So this writing came as I was asking in prayer for guidance as I could feel my own pulls to a world of desire.
January 31, 2017 Tuesday (4:21 am)
I woke up with my arm in a uncomfortable position and as I was asking the Heavens to help me get back to sleep, because of staying up late at the computer, I heard, “Write My son.” My response was an attitude of willingness, even in my exhaustion, mixed with a moment of concern. Even after all these years I still have a fear that the words won’t flow. As I now say to myself, “Enough” as I am keeping the Heavens waiting as I begin to breathe for a pure mind and for the flow to begin…
“Oh My son, ye are blessed to hear My word and in this ye are of the thought of concern that the word will be genuine in nature and design. And I say unto thee, ‘In thy concern is the purity, and in thy fear is the genuineness that ye seek.’ For if ye were not, then ye would be of an ego of self and in these concerns are the tell of truth. For as ye are of a simplicity of humanness it is natural for thee to be of concern and I fault thee not. For this is not a display of faith lacking, but a desire to be pure before Me.
Oh My son, ye are blessed and in this is the will of God. ‘For what purpose?’, ye have pondered for years upon end. And I say unto thee, ‘As ye have asked, ‘Why me?’ can ye not see the growth of spirit, even a spirit of faith, as ye come before Me with greater desire? A desire to serve and a desire of righteousness.’ Even your sister of faith is in awe of the growth made as the maverick awaits the saddle of discipline. And ye are not amazed at the progress of change? Oh My blessed son, ye have knelt in prayers of submission and given all unto Me and I say in this, ‘Ye have shown Me your gift of love and in this is the love multiplied.’ For even last night’s prayer ye spoke of My not needing thee in contrast to the love of your beloved ‘angel of fur’ (my cat). And I say unto thee, ‘Ye are blessed to have such a depth of love and in this ye learn of a parent’s love.’ The concerns and joys, the pains and fears of being human and being of such a great love. But I say unto thee, ‘Do ye not think that My desire is of any less?’ Even in My great knowingness of character and the results of sin, or the turning away from the error of self truth, is the gift of this building of character. The greatest gift that still is fought for not only in Heaven, but on every plane. The greatest gift that is the sacredness of truth, agency. Agency, the freedom of choice which has been the gift of the eternities. For in this is the truth of progression, and in this is the pain of sin. For as man has turned a deafened ear to the word ‘sin’, even evident in thy own internal reaction as I speak it and thy concern of how it will be received by the populace. Ye know not but the judgment of the word, even as a world that has turned from Me. For ‘sin’ is simply turning from truth, which is the same as turning from Me. For I am the bearer of all truth, even All That Is. For as man turns unto his own imaginings of truth it is in this that brings the separation of self. And it is in this complexity that freedom is valued, even as a Parent watches His children struggle in desire.
Oh My children, can ye not see that submission to My truth is the surest way to finding thyself? But it is in the way of parenting to allow the agency of choice to let be the teacher. And it is in this same reflection of life that I, the Parent of patience and charity, in loving attention await a call unto Me. And it is in this call that Mine angels are given their charge of guidance. For it is in this pureness of light that all truth is disseminated and it is in this very light received that is the gift reflected unto Me. For this is life and light eternal, the reflection. For that which is given is received and reflected to the Source of All, even All That Is, the Source of reflection without end.
Oh My son, this is conflicting thy mind of understanding and it is in this simplicity of truth that holds the wisdoms of all truth, yet not to be revealed. But it is enough to know that even as ye are needed by thy cat’s great love for thee and in the union of love in thy love for her, is this very same but simple truth, light and love. For all light is love. And as the light is received and reflected back to the Source of all light then ye know the value of worth and the purity is revealed. For ye say, ‘That I don’t need thee.’ and I say unto thee and all My children, ‘Ye are My greatest source of light. Light reflected which is a purity of truth beyond thy understanding.’ For think not that because I am, God Supreme, that I have no need. For in need is weakness but as ye view need by the view of humanness, ye will know/discover, ‘desire’, and in this is the need of God. For I desire all to come and partake of such exquisite sweetness, the sweetness of joy eternal. Which is found in the pure light of that which I reflect, Light Eternal which is Life Eternal.
Oh My son, oh My children, now ye glimpse the knowingness of thy God and Parent. So My son, think of Me as thy Source and ye are glass eternal reflecting and continuing the light of love. So with this great love experienced with the bonding of souls, it is but a reflection of this great light. Ye are so right, I do not need thee, but I desire thee with such great love that the human mind cannot understand except through the reflection made in relationships of the highest love, and in this ye glimpse the relationship of God and man/woman. For it is through this great love that ye view and find Me. So in thy great love of your angel of fur ye will find Me. For it is in the reflection that we are one, Light and Life Eternal. Blessed son of reflection, continue to carry this light which is Mine light and ye will ever know Me. Blessed are ye.”
I might explain what prompted this writing…
As the writing mentioned that in the previous night’s prayer I spoke thanking the Heavens for my cat and our relationship. Not to sound obsessed with my cat, but I am! It seems like over the past several months I can feel the bond of love strengthening between us on both parts. I will find her just sitting and staring at me with such a look of love (or maybe wanting a different can of cat food 🙂 … a little humor to make me not sound so cat crazy) and I seem to tailoring my life around her. But as I was praying the comparison of relationships came into my thinking, and I pondered my relationship with my cat and my relationship to the Heavens. I am immersed in both, but felt some guilt because of my cat’s relationship seems more intense and thinking that the relationship of the Heavens should be the stronger of the two. And as I continued to think about it I could see that the main difference is that the cat and I have a symbiotic relationship based on needs. As with the Heavens it felt more one sided as in my needing Them. So in my prayer I apologized and mentioned the needs aspect of my thinking, “That God didn’t need me as I needed Him.” Thus prompting the response of which I am always grateful for the wisdom and love that comes through these writings.
February 4, 2017 Saturday (5:33 am)
I just woke up and as I was wondering what time it was, I heard, “Write My son.” I gathered my pen and paper and am beginning my breath …
Well my concerns of not receiving was manifested! As I was breathing I had thoughts swarming like bees but not the stream of words. So with always wanting the writings recieved to be pure I decided not to write and laid my head back down on the pillow. Still the thoughts swarming but no clear flow. It was in a state of wondering that I heard, “Yes, My son write.” I was now starting to fight sleep, but in wanting to obey I gathered my pen and paper. And here I am again…
“Oh My son, I would speak with thee and in these words of wisdom is truth that ye might know My will. For as ye come unto Me let thy thoughts be pure and not wandering. For as ye were led into thy past, were ye not drawn into thy past? And in this the spirit of purity was made unholy. For could ye not see manifest the contrasting spirit of the world? And in this ye felt thy own spirit fade unto the world. Yea, ye know the spirit of righteousness and now ye know the contrasting of such distraction. I can hear your thoughts of limitation as the road narrows unto Me and in this ye are subject to the discipline of pruning thy garden. For even as ye are called closer unto Me it is of this that ye must release, the world, which ye are still a part and in this is thy work. For as ye prepare thyself in all righteousness it is then that ye see the contrasting world of the natural man, and the world of the Spirit of all light and truth. For be not discouraged in this, it is the natural steps of coming unto Me. For as ye become closer ye see more clearly the contrast of these worlds, and it is in this that ye are called to labor in the mind and continue to choose that which is of light. For it was of such a contrast that ye could not see thyself in that world again; and in this ye see the progress made. And in this vision of contrast ye see more clearly the illusion of the world in which so many are snared. For it is of a saddened heart that ye see and know, because they see and know no difference. For it was in this that ye viewed the extreme world of pride, that they are caught in the view of their own illusion of self. An illusion that even caught your own eye in the days of your youth. For were ye not immersed in this same world? Were ye not of the same illusion of self-led ideas of the natural man? And last night, as ye viewed the world again, were ye not amazed at the contrast of where ye now stand? Oh My son, guilt thyself not, but use the very view of contrast to show thee the way. It is like a sign post on thy path that shows the continued direction of thy journey. And in this ye now see clearly the ‘great spacious building’ of Lehi’s dream. (Lehi, a prophet in the Book of Mormon that has a dream, referenced as Lehi’s dream) Even as ye have partaken of the fruit of My love ye are in clear view of the building of pride. Again keep your eye single unto Me and ye will have no concern. But I do challenge thee not to return to linger in the view of the post, that ye build not upon the seed of desire of thy past, which is still in thee to be still made pure. For you can see the illusion of the mirage that snares so many in the distraction from light. So continue to look unto thy future and look not back. Continually unto the light of My love and ye will not be led astray, but unto the glory of all fulfillment.
Oh ye world of man, if ye would only see beyond the illusion of self and see the light of truth that is waiting to guide thee through such obstacles of the world unto the pure love that fills the void that ye seek. Come unto Me and allow My light to lead thee through, that thy head might rest upon My bosom, the pillow of peace.
So My son, know thy way more clearly and get not lost in the posts of the world on the internet. Look unto Me and fill thyself with the purity of peace, in a world that clamors in their own distractions and attentions. Now ye truly know the wisdom spoken, ‘Be ye in the world, but not of the world.’ Continue on thy path as ye are in clear view of that which lies ahead… Priesthood robes of splendor, and to these My light will guide thee. Peace, My son, peace unto thy mind and soul. Peace.”
It is here that I might explain the cautions of this writing…
I was on Facebook and as I was viewing or scanning what had been sent to me. I noticed a friend from my past that now lives in L.A. and is striving to make it in the entertainment world of Hollywood. Without revealing too much to share his identity, but as I watched his world and his involvement of friends, work etc. I could feel some small desire deep from within that once was a part of that world of self. Wanting the approval of others and feeding off a superficial world that is based of judgments of what is cool, trendy and what feeds the ego of self. It made me sad as I viewed where I was and where I am now. Just as I was in that world of self freedom and could not see myself back in the corral, of what looked like confinement, of religion. Saying to myself, “I am spiritual but not religious.” In the contrasting present view I could not see myself back in that world again. I’m not trying to sound judgmental, but I am saddened as my view has been awakened to a clarity to which I could not see while in the mists of that world. As I now partake of a sweetness of joy, which is different from what the world offers as happiness. A joy that is deeper, a joy that is pure light. A joy that I now just taste and as I get closer to Christ will be my permanent state in Him. So the Lord is showing me the contrast of where I was and where I am. And He cautions me to not look back but unto my future and Him.
February 9, 2017 Thursday (5:00 am)
I just woke up and as I was coming into consciousness, voiced my love to the Heavens and it was then that I heard, “Write My son.” I am beginning to breathe for clarity and having the first words of flow…
“Oh My son, thou art wondering the focus of the flow unto thee and I say, ’That ye are in a nature of obedience, except for thy nutrition which must become thy focus.’ For how can I grant unto thee thy wishes of a perfected body as ye continue to pollute thyself with the defilings of a world that is fashioned on the speed to eat and the profit at the cost of man? For these corporations that are at the very center of society know the price upon the care of the body and it is still their focus to take the soul of man. For the profit is more the focus than the good of man. And in this is their sin as they sow the seeds of addiction to profit themselves over the betterment of society. For what doth it cost a person for convenience when it takes the health away from the soul? So upon thy head is the distraction for change and in this is the price of eternal health. For how can ye receive the very wishes of My blessings when ye continue to pollute thyself with those things that are counter to the goal requested? So My son, bring forth these changes that ye might receive the blessings of temple and Heaven. And upon thy doing ye will see the good of change. For in this is the beauty of obedience and the blessings that will fall upon thee, because of thy doing and the blessings predicated in this manner/matter.
Oh My son, ye are learning lessons of love and the relationship of Heaven and man as ye have pondered thy own lesson of relationship. For as ye have done the windows of inspiration have opened to thee and ye have seen and are experiencing the love of Heaven taught by your teacher of fur. And in this ye are given the gift of a parent’s love, and in this ye begin to see the bonding of Heaven. For as ye now experience such a love ye begin to feel the worth of the connection that goes beyond the self and in this ye know the love of God. For reap these blessings of love as ye learn them and experience such a purity. For man thinketh that it is only through the worth of a child that one can achieve such a lesson, but it is through all My creation that carries the beauty of this gift, My love. For My love is woven through all of My creation and when it becomes a focus so it is the lesson of glory. For in these lessons are the values of worth. For man thinketh in a progressive order but My love is pure and runneth through all of creation, which is the very power of creation and the sustaining force of all life. So ponder all relationships and ye will find Me at the very core of all creation.
Oh My blessed son, know thy strength to know thy weakness, and in this ye will be made strong to overcome, even this that ye are found weak. For in all are the lessons of life learned and received. So think no more of life working against thee, but of all of life a lesson for thee. And in this is your learning and growth into obedience and glory. For as the mind/heart is opened unto light then ye receive the truth of all, even All That Is. Ponder all lessons of life and let the light of each bless thee and grow thee into more light of understanding. For it is light upon light, lesson upon lesson that the precepts are received into the growth of enlightenment. Therefore ponder all things, and find Me, and in this is the blessing and lesson received. Blessed art thou son upon this journey of man becoming light. For it is not about losing the body to become light, but about creating a body to carry and release more light, the reflecting glass of love, and in this ye learn truth of the eternities. Line upon precept layered upon each unto a perfect union of body and light. Act and receive the beauty of this very process of perfection. Blessings of light as ye ponder such a glory offered unto man, blessings.”
February 16, 2017 Thursday (6:26 am)
My alarm has gone off twice and I keep hitting the snooze button each time. I am still exhausted as I am still trying to recover from the heavy load and stress of the Valentine holiday. It was as I finished reading and was getting up to get ready for work that I heard for me to write. I am grateful for the communication of the Heavens. Breathing…
“Oh My son, it is of importance that ye should know the will of the Father, and in this ye know the Son, and in this ye hear the Spirit of Comfort. That ye should be of a great awareness, that the forces of hell are soon to rage against thee. For even as ye are of the will of the Father, and it is in this that ye stir the wasps of desire to fight against the cause of Heaven. And in this the rage of he who fights against Me is focused on thee and thy doings. For in this ye must fortify thyself in every way that ye might be of a value and worth to stay strong and not frustrate thy will or the will of the Father. For as ye come close to change and the work of salvation, it is in this that the hearts around thee shall show resistance and ye might be of a force of disruption. For has not the force of disruption been evident at work? Have not the young ones been of an attitude of defiance causing the disruption of good feelings? For as ye come closer unto Me and begin to do My will, ye see the very forces that fight against Me gather in opposition. And in their waged war they try to frustrate the will of He who commands all things.
So it is in this warning that ye should not fear, and ye should not worry. But to fortify thyself in righteousness, that ye should know the weight of opposition against thee. For even as they press hard their might, it is even so that the light of goodness shows thee the way. Fear not My son and know that the will of Heaven is with thee and ye have an army of right to help at thy command and asking. For it is in thy word that allows the will of Heaven to move in and protect thee with light and love. And in this ye know that ye are loved and serve the great, I Am. For even as ye come close ye begin to see the battle of wills rage over even one, and it is in these words that ye begin to know the very worth of a soul. For in this worth is the battle raged and won. Therefore My son, watch well the forces that raise against thee and know the will of God. For as ye continue in prayer and submission ye will continue to be of a goodness to know the will of Heaven in all matters of consequence. Therefore My son, know the love of the Heavens and in this ye are of Me, and in this ye know the will of the Father.
For ye are wondering of the light switched on, and I say unto you, ‘This is the very act of intimidation, that ye might fear and question the action of forces.’ Know that the will of the Father is never in trickery. Never in a cause to intimidate or coerce, but always leading and guiding thee unto light and love. For that which is based upon fear is of a force of fear that is counter to the light and love of God. For have thy sword with thee and allow the righteousness to flow through thee as ye battle these very forces of opposition. Therefore My son, rejoice even in this that is a comfort that ye might know the will and love of God. For if it were not so ye would not have these very words of warning and worth, and in this ye know the guiding light of the Father unto Him. Be of love and ye will always be of a goodness of righteousness. Press on and fight well even as ye labor for the good of salvation, the work of Heaven.”
February 19, 2017 Sunday
Here I might explain some of what is going on so you can understand this past writing (February 16th) and the more recent, previous writings…
There has been so much going on I am not sure where to even start. If you have been reading ‘the writings’ in sequence you will remember that since last fall of 2016 the Heavens have counseled me, to breathe into my secret places, to seek someone to help me accomplish this task, and then as I started reaching out to find someone the Heavens opened and revealed the writing of January 16, 2017. In that writing the Lord confirmed what I had been expecting, that the work of breathing into my secret places was the generational work that has been coming up for years. I think I have explained this experience earlier in the writings but I will briefly explain again,what I am only now beginning to piece together. It started sometime between twenty-five and thirty years ago when I was working with ‘my Elizabeth’ (the ‘hippie chick’ of the sixties come into her own in the eighties). Elizabeth, a gifted intuitive healer of the alternative therapies of Breathwork and Rebirthing. In one of my early sessions with her I, through breathing, journeyed back to my being in utero within my mother and experiencing my taking on some of my mother’s own emotional pain so that she and I might both survive. I took that piece of experience and have traveled with it for years and have watched it evolve, from my questioning its validity to becoming my experienced truth. Out of respect for my mother I will not go into her personal details but will say that my oldest sister, in sharing this with her gave me further detail of what was happening at the time around my birth. With this information I tucked this piece of experienced truth away until several years ago in my mediation class with C. I experienced this truth in more detail, without any solicitation on my part. I experienced again my symbiotic relationship with my mother and then I moved deeper into her own life’s pain, which she never shared, and my journey continued deeper. It was from my mother that I could see, like looking down a corridor or tunnel, that the pain of sin was past from generation to generation. I followed the view until I could see what appeared to be a man dressed in puritan clothing and as I viewed him I could see an evilness within him. As I observed him it looked like he was planting a seed of wickedness, or perhaps what even the Bible speaks of as a cursing. As I came out of the experience I came out with feelings of being disturbed and perplexed; wondering what I had just experienced or witnessed. And as an explorer of these finer realms of energy or dimensions, I have learned to tuck my experiences away but always holding them in questioning and pondering. It was with these experiences that I began to piece together and understand my present situations of my being back in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I began to have clarity and witness that in my very most sacred moments I was buffeted by the adversary. I began to understand through the insight of Spirit, that I may have opened doors or created mental pathways through my years of living a life of the ‘natural man’, but this energy that was disrupting my sacred time was beyond my own personal creation. And it was here that I began to see the connection of that generational cursing/sin that has plagued so many generations and was now disrupting my own path to salvation. Since coming back under the law of Christ’s Church, going on four years, I have worked very hard in attempting to remove the natural man from myself. Over those years avoiding, detouring, and trying to eradicate thoughts, desires, doubts on every level and of every kind. Wondering at times “If this is the very hell and price of sin?”, as I make my way back to the presence of Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father. I doubt if I would have the fortitude to push on if I had not tasted the sweetness of Their love. And I know that it is only through the atoning sacrifice of my Savior, Jesus Christ, that will fill the void between attempting and completion, He being the final healing step of salvation.
So it is in my humble prayers for this very sanctification, that I might carry more of Their light, that the Heavens addressed my very situation in the writing on January 16th. And as I have been seeking someone to assist me in His command. Doors have opened, sometimes not as quickly as I would hope, but they have opened as I keep my faith in His promise to me. So just in a few days, on Wednesday, I will have my first appointment with a therapist that also holds the Priesthood. I still have to see if he is willing to step into these unchartered territories, but either way my faith burns bright with others who have gone before me as I remember the writings of Nephi, “I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandment unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which He commandeth them.”
And so of this very last writing of February 16th, the Lord is warning me of the gathering forces of hell that are conspiring against me; to thwart my will and the will of the Father. I have already witnessed their attacks and attempts, gripping my heart with a choke hold of anger, trying to interfere with my feelings of worthiness, to their intimidation of turning on the switched-off lights as I was leaving after working late. I truly feel the Lord has been preparing me for this very time, my eyes are awakened and over the last several months I reply to their attempts by saying, “You’ve been seen.” I now pray that I will have the strength to endure this ‘war raged’ while I await for the first breaths that begin to shut the very door that was opened so many generations ago. As that door is shut, will come the promised peace. And I pray, that with even more light carried, I might lay my head once again upon, the Pillow of Peace.
February 22, 2017 Wednesday (3:52 am)
I just woke out of a dream where I was being deceived, but I chose the Lord over the deception. I am relieved as I am in my awake state that I was able in my dream state to choose right over wrong. As I was laying here pondering the dream and desiring to go back to sleep because of the full day ahead when I was told to write. Thankful and breathing as I await the flow of words as I pray for clarity…
“Oh My son, My son, thou art blessed in this My word and thou art blessed to be of choice, even in thy dream state, and to have wisdom over temptation. For as ye chose Me even as ye were beguiled even to bite of the fruit of good and evil. Ye chose not to partake even as ye trusted thy friend of the dream, and yet ye chose Me, and in this ye are left bewildered and wondering of the scope, and left in a stupor. But I say unto thee, ‘Left up thy heart and feel the joy of success, that ye chose the right of thy convictions even as ye were about to choose the pressure and desire of others. For even in this ye chose the way of commandment and blessed are ye. Therefore My son, be of good cheer even in this.’
Oh My beloved son, ye fret over the scope and magnitude of thy dream state, and wonder of the influence of all dominions. Let Me say unto thee, ‘Is not one sense of reality any different from another? Is not freedom always a choice? And are ye not influenced on every realm to be of choice, and are not the influences of all life shared in and on all states of realities? And to all of these is, ‘Yes’. For it is in thy waking state that ye call the ‘true reality’, but what is the sleeping state? Is not the self working out the same realities of life through symbols, images and metaphors? Is not the mind of man always questioning and acting on the issues of life? And it is here in what is termed ‘the unconscious state’ that ye are conscious in another experience. Be ye not concerned of that which ye fear, the influences of hell. For are not all influences present in thy waking state, and do ye cower in fear? ‘No’. And so it is in this realm of the mind. Fear not the influences of life, but the alignments of life. Therefore, continually align with Me and ye have no fear. For I am the bread and breath of all life, and it is in Me and through Me that all must pass for the eternal state. And it is in this passing that ye know Me and it is in this passing that I know thee. And even in this, My son, I know thee. For thou art a son of the morning that is choosing the robes of eternity. For fear not life and fear not Me as ye continually make choices and make thy way unto Me. For in life ye know Me and in death ye will be with Me. For even as a man knoweth this is there not peace? So struggle no more in life of thy state of choice, but allow the assuredness to take root and bear the fruit, of a righteous fruit, and in this fruit ye will partake even the Tree of Life, which is eternal in nature and glory.
Therefore, My son, fret not and fear not the life lived but behold the beauty of the tree of such a precious fruit, and in this partake. Think not of realities unchartered but wonder of such choice accepted. Choose Me even in this. Be of a calm mind and know ye will be blessed even as the day is upon thee.”
February 23, 2017 Thursday (morning)
I just completed a spontaneous breath work session for healing, in which I will write the details after this writing. After the experience I was on my knees in a prayer of gratitude, as I was giving thanks and asking Father if we had “done it?”, the work in which He had commanded and it was in this asking that I was told to write. Breathing for the flow of Spirit and the words…
“Oh My son, My beloved son, thou art truly blessed. For ye have sought out the way of commandment and in this ye have been led to the very door of healing in which ye have opened. For did I not promise that the way would be made easy before Me? Did I not promise thee the road to success in the healing of generations? And now ye are left pondering such a work and in this ye are given thy blessing of understanding. For have ye not seen and known these very truths of times and realities? Have you not even seen the stacking of realities to create a oneness of time? And now ye glimpse the truth of realities, and the work completed in one reality to affect the truth of others. For your sciences are on the very brink of these discoveries of time and realities, but it is of My realm of knowledge and all understanding that they will not begin to even comprehend. But let Me say now unto thee, ‘In thy limited ability to understand, at this time, ye have done the work of healing of not only yourself but of the generations afflicted of such a cursing. For doth not your mind and body feel of a difference? Is there not a quiet clarity in the energy of the mind and body? Can ye not still see the cherubim of light guarding thee? Oh My son of the morning, sing forth thy praise and know the release and glory given! Know the work of sealing and binding, and it is to thee that the angels sing. For is it not thy valiancy that caused this great work? But it is in thy humility that ye turn unto Me and it is in this truth that ye are blessed. For this is the eternal reflection of righteousness and it is in this that all are blessed. For as light is given and light is reflected, it is in this that the eternal grace shines forth and the blessings of the eternities is shown forth to show the eternal blessings of oneness. Oh ye blessed son, for this is the work of salvation, in which all are a part of the combined effort of love. For even as this work goes forth it is in these very bindings that he and his forces of darkness are bound. And it is upon thy blessing that ye are left to wonder. For such is a great work to the work of the Heavens, and in this ye are blessed to be a part. Oh My son of righteousness, rejoice! Behold the very way before thee made easy, and in this ye are blessed.
For ye continue to wonder of such a work and its validity, and I say unto thee, ‘Question not the work of Heaven and man. Question not the realities of such a work but allow thy faith and trust to stream the feelings of freedom and righteousness. For even as the mind is searching and wondering of the work completed are ye not at a loss to be free? Can not the mind see the effects of hands laid in righteousness? And do ye not see the pathways of the mind sealed into a resolve? Oh blessed son, question not and recreate not, but allow the holiness of blessing to take hold and be of a truth to allow the energy of Heaven to work upon thee. For even as ye do this then ye know the healing hand of God.
Oh My son, join in with the choruses of Heaven as man and Heaven behold the blessings of salvation. Behold and wonder such a glory. Behold and wonder the hand of God upon thee. Blessed be this union. Amen.”
My mind is left in awe. I am feeling expanded, a sense of freedom, and a vastness of new space. It is so confusing to be a part of a reality of man and the reality of Heaven. Perhaps, the word confusion is not the right word; it’s more of a limited understanding. The natural mind wants to grasp this wonder, and the reality of the experience continues to ring out like the sound of a bell tone that continues to reverberate beyond the initial strike. My mind is left in a stupor as the reality of the spiritual experience continues to be there like the tone of the bell moving outward.
This morning as I was waking up I could see the early morning light coming through the blinds. I had given myself another day off to recoup from my busy schedule. Yesterday, I not only had my first two hour appointment with a LDS therapist to help initiate this next step in this healing process, but also went directly home to teach our meditation group’s first class, which is resuming after a break since last November. Yesterday, was full and wonderful as I took a major step in following through with what the Lord has commanded me in starting this healing work of generational sin. As I left the two hour appointment, I walked away with another two hour session for the following Tuesday to begin the breath work portion of this process. So it was to my surprise for this morning’s experience.
As I mentioned in the introduction to this writing, as I awoke I had no clue of what lay ahead of me but was simply laying in bed contemplating all that had transpired yesterday. Relaxing in the ease of the morning, I began to recount my explaining to this therapist, whom I will call Dr. D, about my being able to feel and channel energy. So this morning in this recall I began to experience the energy in my palms and began to play with the energy that is so familiar, yet I haven’t given much attention with my busy schedule. And so with the day free I now took the time and let the energy flow as I use to when I first discovered it in my mid-twenties. As I was manipulating the energy I was wishing that Dr. D was present to witness the flow to further add understanding to what I had shared. With this thought I could feel the energy become more intense as it channeled through my body. It has been quite some time since I have allowed the time for me to experience the flow like this. While the flow moved my body I began to project what next week’s appointment might be like. As I presently allowed my body to shake and flow with the energy, I still projected to the coming appointment and reassuring Dr. D that this is very normal for my body and not to be concerned with my well-being. I remember projecting my explanations of reassurance to next week’s appointment. It was with this flow of energy that I began to breathe in the style of connected breath and my ‘un-intention’ began to move into experiencing the beginning of this process. I allowed my body to shake and move with the energy, my legs spontaneously moved into a position that allowed the soles of my feet to be pressed together, as the breath and energy took me deeper. It was here that I passed by the memory of my being in utero with my mother and taking on her pain so we could both survive. I then moved beyond this memory/experience, and past my mother’s own pain as a child. It was here that I found myself back in that canal, tunnel or corridor which I had experienced in the past that was linking generation to generation. As I was passing through and beyond my mother’s energy into this passage, I saw a flash of a blackish translucent color dart across my path. It was kind of strange because I heard myself explaining to Dr. D what I had just seen as if I was in an appointment with him, and it was here that I realized that the present was projecting into my future appointment. In my mind I was questioning what to do, either I pull back and wait for the upcoming appointment or continue what I had started with the breath work. It was then with a couple deep breathes that I realized what I had seen and was now committed to the present experience. It was in this very quick process of what seemed like just moments that I explained to Dr. D what I was seeing cross my path, my questioning to move forward or not, and becoming aware of my surroundings. I was waving in my decision in this passage and now was fully committed as my awareness saw the glow of eyes that were surrounding me; hundreds if not countless of eyes looking at me from the darkness of the sides of the corridor. And in another moment I heard my awareness name them as phantoms. A moment of concern mixed with fear flashed through me as I heard myself calling on the power of Jesus Christ and calling to me, my sword of righteousness. It immediately appeared in my hands as it glowed with the glory of the Heavens. With its glow it illuminated more of the sides of this passage and I could make out the sullen faces of these phantom-like spirits. When I first became aware of their eyes looking out from the dark they reminded me of bats, but now in the light that was radiating from the sword I could see their dim humanness and immediately called upon the army of Heaven that was promised to me. Immediately upon my asking I was made aware of the unveiling glory behind me, as I saw the phantom spirits recoil to the power and glory of my support.
It was in this moment, as I hold my sword tightly, that I sensed myself moving towards the distant opening of light at the end of the corridor; the reality that I knew, the reality of the beginnings of this chain of wickedness, the reality that held the man in puritan attire. As I appeared I came from above him and he thought I was an angel and fell to the floor. It was in these fast moving experiences and moments that my mind was trying to process my experience. I was trying to understand realities. Knowing that I was no angel and questioning what to do from here. It was like flashes of thought, from processing the experience, trying to comprehend these realities, my affect on being present in this reality, and his seeing me as an angel. I was lost between thoughts and understanding and I called upon the Holy Spirit to show me the way through my confused state. It was from the jumbled mix of words and intention that came together in purpose, as my sword pointed at him and I half heard a judgment being placed upon him. In this judgment I heard, “Ye will wither until ye die.” And in a dual reality I was speaking the commanding words of the priesthood, with Christ’s authority and in His holy name as I was now commanding the clearing of the passage with the words, “Get thee hence.” It was with these words that I saw a rush of darkness swooshing past me as they entered into him, the man of judgment upon the floor. I only was made aware of glimpses of his body in discomfort as spirit upon countless spirits entered his body, returning to the source of evil. And in a moment’s thought I was back in the corridor repeating the words of command in Christ’s holy name and I was aware with a knowingness the residue of stragglers rushing past me as more phantoms came from these realities of layered generations. Again, with a knowingness of understanding, I could see generations being released of the torment of these phantoms of darkness. It was also in this awareness that I questioned how the passage could be sealed from the evilness that might try to reenter. And as soon as I asked, I saw an angel or Cherubim with shining sword appear at the opening to the original reality of sin. I was in wonderment as I witnessed the Cherubim’s splendor and contemplated his role as protector as my mind flashed on the Tree of Life.
It was here that I became aware of multitudes of people, my ancestors of past generations, as they looked to me as I was standing directly opposite to the Cherubim in the passage. As they looked to me I could see and feel from them a sense of relief, a sense of freedom. It was then that I could see from the look in their eyes and feel who was standing behind me as I turned and withheld my Lord, Jesus Christ, Himself of glory standing behind me. It is here that I would like to write that I fell to my knees but to tell you the truth I don’t know how I got to the next moment of His hands upon my head. Without words and in His pure intention, with His laid hands He was healing the pathways of my brain/mind that became the very strongholds for the workers of darkness. As I witnessed through awareness the pathways of my mind/brain being erased. It was in my awe that I found myself laying on my bed as the experience had ended and I was recalling the magnitude and reality of all these happenings of wonder. As I laid there and even as I am writing this recounting of my experience, I can sense my mind wanting to seek out the old pathways of darkness to make sure that they are gone and of the healing. It was in my mind’s attempt to begin the search that I stopped it and I remembered Lot’s wife, with the thought to not reclaim the past. It was in awe that I crawled from my bed to my knees in a prayer of gratitude and was then told to write; thus the writing above that was spoken to my mind and heart. Even now my mind is trying to bridge two realities, trying to make sense and believe a life can exist without internal torment. A life of almost sixty years of struggle, I can hardly believe or have a understanding of what that is like. And yet I need to caution myself that I don’t reopen these doors in my search for understanding or the void of the new freedom that I feel. I need to only rely on faith and remembering His healing hands upon my head and to continue to ‘Come unto Him.’
Oh Heaven, I pray, let me not turn back in a question of wonder; let me look forward to Him to which I kneel!
As I think of you reading this, Dr. D, the world, and now returning back into my/our reality, life. I even question myself in trying to understand this experience. Questioning if others will think that I have a savior complex, and questioning my own grasp on reality. And yet I hear my words in teaching our mediation group last night and saying, “These finer realities have a great influence on our lives and are real even in our lack of understanding.” Words I must myself now embrace.
March 7, 2017 Tuesday (3:49 am)
Again, I fell asleep with the light on and just woke up with it glaring in my face. In my semiconscious state I had a soft impression to write but let it go in my uncertainty. It was then that it was stronger in hearing, “Son, I would speak with thee.” And in the stronger statement came my willingness to leave the light on and gather my pen and paper to me. Breathing for clarity and for the first words to pen…
My son, My son, thou art right to pray unto Me for clarity, for it is My voice that cries out in thy slumber state to speak with thee without the distractions of life when the worlds of thought and clamor are quiet that you might know the love of a Father and the weight of oppression that is pressing against thee. For even as ye let thyself watch the program of wholesomeness (The Voice) did ye not catch thyself searching for other entertainment during the commercial breaks, and did ye not find the world waiting to feed with desire? And in this ye are given the opportunity to allow the mind to be seeded by he who waits to snare thee into more oppression of his world. For in this I give thee warning, that ye might be ever so aware of his subtle craftiness. For in thy watching I hear the justifications of the mind speaking, ‘Just a little does not matter.’ and ‘Everyone else is watching’ and you even imagine Church leaders watching the programs in thy justifications for thy actions. And I say unto thee, ‘Are thy desires of Me in alignment with thy desires of the world?’ Can you now see that thy desires are not matured in this clamor of a divided house? For even as ye serve and desire mostly Me ye still have a desire for the world, and ye are not made perfect in such a division. Oh My son, the mind says unto Me, ‘Isn’t this normal for living in the world?’, and ‘Perfection is impossible in a world such as this?’ And I remind thee of thy desired requests which stand before Me even as ye still desire the world. And it is in this that I send forth My love of counsel, to bide thee to continue to turn from the world even in these small but stumbling ways of justification of a small amount of the world. For how can a perfected state be given in such desire? Yes, ye understand the law of atonement, that ye can never be of a state of perfection to achieve upon thy own merits without the law of grace. But the justifications of the mind gives thee allowance for desire and sin even in these slight degrees. And it is in these ever so subtle slight degrees that keep thee attached to a world through a desire of the world. So in this, My son, I speak with concern and counsels that ye might know the snares of these slight and subtle ways of ensnarement that are the very beginnings of justification of sin. Even as the mind wants to say, ‘So little’ and ‘So slight’ and can ye still see the attachment of the ego that still gives thee resistance? For even in this ever so subtleness ye must root out thy desires that ye be a house not divided and that ye might be blessed with the righteousness that ye seek. And ye are asking how? And I say unto thee, ‘Even in the subtle ways of turning from the world, which lays the hidden cords of attachment.’ And in this is another wave of desire which is beyond the world’s view that must be released. For in thy disappointment of self is the blessing of achievement; for in this disappointment is the ability of release. For ye wonder if ye can achieve and it is in this that is the turning point unto submission. For many would simply give up these ever so subtle struggles, but it is at this point that the true self is shown unto thee. The self that has been stating, ‘I will not fail.’ And it is in this part of determination that keeps thee attached to righteousness. And it is in these very points of juncture that ye can feel the pulls, but ye can also feel the very willingness for submission unto My counsels.
Oh My son, it might feel like more restriction, but even in these feelings of tightness of the ego is the passage to true freedom. For did ye not just watch (not literally) thy sister of love (my niece) give birth? And are not the contractions of the birthing process these very contractions of birthing the self? Is not the contraction of restriction truly birthing the true self into a righteousness of another world? For even as she had to relinquish to the contraction and not fight the process, so it is that ye must also relinquish to this very same process. For the ego desires to fight the very letting go and submission, but it is only through this surrender that ye can truly be birthed unto Me. So be therefore born again unto Me and receive the glory and desire of all righteousness, even unto All That Is. And it is in this state that ye are in the presence of God and know Him even as He is.
Therefore My son, allow My counsel to lead thee and allow My love to light the way that ye may not be ensnared by the ever so subtle craftiness of he who fights against Me. For in this is wisdom and the path made clear of the mists of Lehi that ye not fall. Oh My beloved son, continue to come unto Me and continue to come before Me that ye might be free unto the true freedom that the world cannot see or even know. Blessings in this path unto all righteousness.”
I then laid my head down on my pillow in hopes of getting some more sleep when I heard my own voice of submission giving thanks, even in my desire for sleep and saying, “Thank you, Father. I will not fail Thee, I will not fail myself. I will not fail.” And it was in these audible statements that I decided to write them as a commitment to my path and submission unto Him in which I am so very grateful for His guidance through these very mists that I could lose my way. “Thank you, Father!”
March 9, 2017 Thursday (4:47am)
I just woke up and was hoping to return to sleep when I had an impression to write. I questioned the Heavens and said, “I am willing but just allow me to know if it is a clear desire for me to write.” It was then that I heard a clear, “Yes My son, I would speak with thee.” As I write this I am still amazed and curious of what today’s subject might be. I am now breathing for the flow…
“Oh My son, it is in these words that I convey My love and it is in these words that ye receive My counsels. For as ye continue to come before Me in the humbleness of Spirit, and it is in this very humbleness that the windows of Heaven are opened unto thee. For could ye not feel and know the counsels of Spirit as ye drove the car home to prepare for thy class? And could ye not feel thy heart open wide as the Spirit distilled upon thee? For in all of these are the manifestations of the witness, of a son of meekness, that is willing to put aside the things of the world to serve and be served. For as ye continue on this very path ye will continue to be a witness of the continual raining forth of this same Spirit of Holiness that will serve thee in thy hour of need. For as ye continue to put aside the things of this world then ye are being born unto Me. And in this is thy purity recognized in Heaven and earth, and ye will be blessed beyond thy even imaginings. For even as the beauty of these very journeys that ye lead in thy group of saints unto Me. It is of these very journeys that the refined will be made manifest and the Heavens will open to reveal these very scenes of the mind to be the very scenes of a reality that will be made manifest. For even as ye wonder upon these things ye will be made to know the truths that ye have been viewing as scenes of reality. For open thy mind and ye will continue to open, and further the realities of Heaven will open unto thee. For blessed is this day as Heaven and earth become one in purpose and reality.
For even as ye spoke with the mother of concern ye bore thy soul of honesty, that the path of the world was thy path. And in this ye heard My voice as I called out unto thee and ever so gently led thee out of the ways that had thee bound to the misery of the eternities. For as ye were caught in the web of life and could not even see a way before thee to find relief. For he who fights against Me had thee bound unto torment and vice because of a world that continues to be lost of My word and light, because of the workings of darkness, of both man and the forces of darkness that are leading, ever so cleverly, the children of man. But these are My children, and in this is the calling forth even in the darkness that has covered the earth; and it was in this very same darkness that ye heard My voice. And it is in this very same darkness that the mother’s son is caught as he tries to hide from Me, even as ye tried to hide, but ye still desired Me deep in the core of thy heart. It was in thy hiding that ye could not take in thy love of self and thy love of Heaven, because of thy feelings of unworthiness that had thee bound. The self loathing of thy mind could not allow My light to penetrate until ye reached a depth that ye were lost and hungered for thy release. For is it not the same for the young son as he is in the depths of self and lost in his own thinkings of the mind, lost in a maze that is the world. As he, even as thee, tries to find his own path of self?
Oh world of man, My children, do ye not know the love that awaits thee if ye would only look up in thy confused state and call upon Me? Can ye not know My arms that want to wrap around thee, and guide thee out of the darkness of the mind? But it is in My righteousness that I await thee, allowing thee to travel paths clouded over because of sin and vice that ye call, ‘self discovery.’ But why, oh man, will ye not look unto Me and see the ray of light waiting to lead thee? Why must My heart break, even as the mother of pain, as ye make choices that are of opposition to the light that awaits? But it is even in My heart that is heavy, that the Father of Righteousness shines forth and gives unto Me perfect knowledge even as I kneel unto Him. Can ye not see the beauty of submission? Can ye not see the chain of love and righteousness that shines forth? For as man/woman come unto Me it is then I prepare them for the Father, and the chain of righteousness is the sealing of the eternities. Oh world of man, know Me. Hear Me. As I call out unto thee and bide thee to come. Partake of the very tree that was so delightsome to father Lehi, that was shown in his very dream, My love.
Oh mother of pain, know ye this, that My hand is upon thy son. For I know him well as he hides from Me and conceals himself, even in his own pain of the world. For even as I raised forth, he who writes, I will raise forth thy son out of darkness into light. And as he comes out of his stupor he will know light again. For he will know the joys of life and the contrast of pain that binds. For it is in his pain that he will help others and be of a path of light. So rest thy weary heart as ye mourn the uncertainty of thy son’s path. For he cannot escape his heart that desires Me but is lost to find Me.
Oh son of thy mother’s burdened heart, know this, hear this, and turn unto Me again. Chase not thy own whimsy thinking, that ye will later turn unto Me. For this is a foolish thinking, that he who fights against Me, uses to ensnare My children. Use the wisdom that ye were blessed and not be bound in the thinkings of self. For even as ye begin to open then ye will see the truth as it is; but ye still hide in thy shame of life. Come forth out of this very shame that I might wash thee clean and that ye might bear the truth of light again. Release the ego of worth and humble thyself again. For ye know that ye are born to serve and yet ye are caught in the foolishness of the world. Oh world of man, turn unto Me, the Son of Righteousness, and in this I might be able to lead thee out of such darkness.
Blessed are ye son, to write these words of love. That the world might know My desire that shines forth in a darkened world. Blessed are ye son, that ye have heard My call in this very darkness that had thee bound. Blessed are ye son, to know Me again. For even as ye know Me, ye will know the Father of Glory. Blessed are ye.
Oh blessed mothers and fathers of the world that mourn the children of thy womb, weep not in vain but turn thy tears unto Me and allow My love to comfort thee. For Mine arms are open wide to receive thee and My bosom is a pillow of peace to await thee. Weep no more rivers unto Me, but allow My light to give thee comfort, as ye await to receive thy children as the father of the prodigal son. For prepare thy calves of righteousness for I cometh and in this will be the humbling that thy children will flee unto thee. Oh My prodigal children, turn from thy foolishness before, and know Me in righteousness that ye might not have to pay the price of sin. Oh world of man, I cometh!”
March 11, 2017 Saturday (7:07 am)
I’ve had only a few hours of sleep because of my work schedule and need to start getting ready for an early morning delivery, but as I was starting to get out of bed I heard that I should write and I questioned my time when I heard in response, “Yes, write My son I will be but a moment.” I am beginning my breathing to clear a groggy mind for the Spirit to flow…
Yes, My son, I know thy state of mind and thy time but as ye go forth into this day I say unto thee, ‘Go forth with the knowledge of love, love of self and love of those about you.’ For it was manifest to thee last night and I want thee to know and remember the gift received. For did ye not even feel My presence? For in the feelings of worship ye called Me forth unto thee with the depth of love projected unto thee. For in this ye received My witness and in this ye were blessed. For continue on your journey of this day with the surety that I am with thee, even as ye give thy all unto Me. Blessed be thy name as ye serve the Lord of All Creation, blessed be thee.”
It is here that I would like to share the prompting of this writing, to catch you up on other experiences that I have not had time to share, and to share some of my thoughts and ponderings about this wild and wonderful ride or journey that I am on.
To begin let be share about this last writing. On Friday night, the night before this writing, I was working late into the early morning hours at the shop. As I was working alone I did as I often do and turn on the Hillsong station of Pandora. As I was working and listening to the worship music my heart opened. It opened to such a depth of love that I began to be that “Reflecting glass of love” that the Lord has mentioned in recent writings. As I felt this depth of love throughout my entire body I naturally began to reflect it back to the Heavens and giving all praise and glory to the Father and the Son. It was then that I began to feel a witness of Spirit that was so distinct, waves of energy was washing through me. A distinct tingling of love and energy that is different from what the body normally feels, so there could be no denial of the source and beauty of what I was experiencing, His Love, Their love. It was then that I could not see but could feel the presence of another, a being of love and light. And so the next morning in the fogginess of my exhaustion the Heavens assured me of my experience, and my witness, of the Lord of All Creation.
The other day I was talking to, as she humorously referred to herself, ‘The mother of pain” of the March 9th writing. As she was sharing some of her thoughts and reactions to the most personal writing and information that was expressed to her from the Lord. Together, we were pointing out and sharing some of the beautiful parts of the writing that spoke to our hearts. It was then that she confessed that as she shared this writing with her husband that he had a hard time with how to reference my experience of the writings by saying, “I have no box to put it in.” We shared and discussed further of how ‘out of the box’ my experiences are to the norm of the LDS faith and even the world. She further confessed that she even had a hard time with my ‘generational sin’ experience, and how it was hard to imagine the time elements of the experience as well as some of the other aspects. I truly appreciate a friend such as she that is willing to share in honesty, and that we can allow ourselves to laugh and weep together. In fact the next day she sent me a text saying that I had been on her mind throughout the day and thanked me for my silent sacrifices.
As I have pondered our conversation and her text, it has lead me to thinking how off putting this might be to many. I am in my own little bubble of experience and allowing the Lord to lead me where He may. I am not seeking any individual truth or line of thinking but allowing the pieces of experience to unveil themselves as they will. Some of this unveiling has spanned years and even decades; and even I am surprised at what comes to me. But being in my own bubble of experience it is much easier for me now to accept. I must admit early on I too struggled and even questioned my sanity, never my intention but my sanity. I even wondered of how much is my creative mind and how much is, what I wanted to term, ‘reality’. But over these years of struggle I have had teachers of Heaven and earth who have opened my mind to the ideas of other dimensions and realities that are ‘out side the box’. And even in the past several years hear of reports on the news stations of how science and physics is now discovering and opening to other realities and dimensions.
So as I have come to move into more of an acceptance of what comes to me, it is still a dilemma of what and how much to share. When I ask the Heavens I often come to a blank, of no defined answer, except on a couple of occasions where I was told not to share. But for the most part it is left up to me. About a year ago I asked if it would be permissible to take off the subtitle to the blog, ‘The making of a prophet’ and the Lord countered with, “Why deny the truth.” so I left it on, even as it is off putting to me as I at times want to share the blog with someone who might benefit from the beauty of the words spoken by the Heavens. So in all of this are my questionings and my ponderings… Is this what Joseph Smith felt as his world opened to the unimaginable? Was Abraham self deceived as he was asked to sacrifice his son? Was Moses letting his creative mind imagine the face of God; and were the children of Israel following an imagined pillar of fire? Not to put myself at the same level with these great prophets of our past, but it is our reference of what we read and study. So I continue to look at dimensions and time through my experiences and I question and wonder. I generally never directly ask or seek an answer through the writings but I am always open to what is revealed or shown through them. And so do I share more of what I have received? Yes, because this is not about what people think of me, those few that know who I am, but about speaking my experience of truth. I am still not sure how much is metaphor and how much is God’s reality. But this is my reality as I experience and what it brings me to is a witness of the Heavens, that our Heavenly Father loves us beyond our comprehension, that the Lord Jesus Christ, our shining Brother, is the Great Sacrifice to pay the debt of universal law, and the Holy Spirit can be our comfort and friend. And in all of this is the focused message for us to come unto Him and prepare with and through Him for the beginning of the unveiling of His future coming.
So with all of that being said let me share a couple more experiences that I have had over the past couple of weeks. As you might recall I had an appointment with Dr. D, my new therapist whom the Lord led me to that I might have a facilitator for my generational work. Well if you have read the previous writings then you know that the generational work came in a spontaneous experience and that I still had an appointment with Dr. D. So I decided to keep the appointment and see if there was anything else to clean up or experience from my generational experience. So I came to the appointment with blankets to lay on the floor to do breath work as we had planned. As I began my breathing waves of energy began to move through me shaking and rolling me causing the mudras of my past to manifest through me. The waves began to feel more like waves of time moving me through dimensions. It was here that I rested upon a visual, a scene of standing in front of a stone carved wall with caved out hieroglyphics. These hieroglyphics were carved out in, the word that keeps coming to me as I try to explain it is quadrants, these individualized groupings of craved symbols were numerous and where sectioned into two rows. They reminded me of the Mayan carvings that I have seen in my travels but as I saw them I intuitively understood that they were not Mayan. As I took the scene in I became aware of a man standing to the right of the wall. He was dressed in earthly robe-like clothing which lead me to believe that he was not a heavenly being. And as I focused on him he leaned over and pointed to the second to the last of these individualized groupings of symbols or quadrants and as he pointed he said, without words spoken, “This is the coming of Christ.” And as I heard it I understood that it was referencing to His second coming, which I found interesting that there was just one quadrant after the one he pointed to. It was here that I came out of my experience like a comma in a sentence and explained to Dr. D what I was experiencing. As I began to breathe again I went where I left off as I focused on the wall and the robed man again. As I saw him I intuitively understood that I was standing in front of a carving of a wall within a temple. He then motioned for me to follow him and as I did I became aware of an arched like opening door and it over looked a civilization of people in their daily life. As I took in the view of what seemed for only a moment I wondered and questioned, to myself, who were these people? I inwardly questioned if these were the people who I have been experiencing within the earth, were they Nephites or some other civilization that I was not familiar? I was inwardly questioning as I saw what looked like two civilizations merging and then coming out of the other, like one was hovering over the other then would lower into the other and then would lift out as my mind still wondered at what I was viewing. It was here again that I created a comma in my experience and explained further what I was seeing to Dr. D. and then again I returned to my breathing. The breath brought me back but into a different scene as I watch my feet climb stone stairs that were spiraling upward. The stone stairway was refined in its workmanship but still primitive. As I climbed my thoughts went back to a physical memory of the spiral staircase of the Salt Lake Temple that I climbed as a new missionary for the LDS Church. When I reached the top, of present experience, I was amazed when I saw the same man in robes as I took in the view of the room. I could see that each of the four walls was complete from floor to ceiling crystal, and I intuitively understood that these were seer stones or Urim and Thummim. It was then as I somewhat understood my surroundings that the robed man waved his arm in a sweeping gesture and asked, “What would you like to see/know?” The communication was all nonverbal, and as I directed my desire to understand more of what I was witnessing with the two civilizations. It was then that I could see, as watching a movie, a smaller group of people leaving the larger group and they where being lead away by an heavenly being dressed in all white robes that was glowing in a purity of white, as he was leading this group into the wilderness. I did not see the full duration of their journey but I did see them come to what looked like the side of a mountain. It was here that the heavenly being raised his arm and I understood that he was using his Holy Priesthood and the side of the mountain began to look like a mirage dissipating before them as they then entered. As I viewed these scenes they were layered with information and what stood out was that these people were another witness of Jesus Christ. Just as He ministerered to the Holy Land and the branch of Israel in the Americas, as the Book of Mormon is a witness, so our Lord administered to these people also. And so with this visual my experience disapated like the mirage of the mountain and I was back in the room with Dr.D. In just those few moments was more truth or information about the pieces of experiences that I have gathered over the past several years. This group being led away was part of the inner earth people that I have been experiencing a connection with over these last few years. These people that are highly developed in their connection of Heaven and earth that are in such a highly evolved state that they are able to physically draw upon both energy and powers. The very same people that I later have read about in the book ‘Visions of Glory’, these are a beautiful people that I can’t wait to be a part when they emerge. As I now propped myself up against the sofa, I was in a state of amazement, and who knows what Dr. D was truly thinking, as I was in a state of surprise and wonder. For I truly thought that I was going to do ‘just’ some clean up work around my generational experience.
This next experience happened as I was leading our meditation group. I was taking them through our usual exercises and allowing them to spend some time in their own personal temple. As I was in my own temple I saw my uncle appear, who had passed on and I did some of his ordanance work, several years ago, in the Nauvoo Temple and was waiting to let my brother finish the work. So now here he was standing in front of me as he lovingly said, “I would like my sash.” With these words I knew exactly what he was requesting, his work to be completed. It was in this acknowledgement that I saw my aunt, his wife, appear and I told her that we would try to get permission from her non-member family to go ahead with her work also. It was then that they dissipated and I was needing to lead the group back into the living room of my home from their own personal journeys.
Well there they are, more experience, and you will now need to wonder as I… creative mind, metaphor, or reality of God? May the Heavens bless us all as we are being stretched and expanded into the truth of new realities… God’s reality.
In these next couple of writings you can sense my struggle. I thought about not including them but I think it is good to show this very path of highs and lows as I climb the mountain of the Lord.
March 22, 2017 Wednesday (11:47 pm)
I was just getting up from my knees, after offering up my bedtime prayer, and as was starting to stand I heard, “Write, My son.” As I was gathering my paper and pen I heard, “As thou hast come before Me in a humbleness, it is then that I…
It is here that I am ashamed to say that I fell asleep. If you could see the hand written pages they tell the evidence of my exhaustion as my hand was trying to write as my mind was being overcome by sleep. I’m trying not to beat myself up.
March 24, 2017 Friday (5:08 am)
Waking and hearing, “Write, My son, I would speak with thee.” My mind is pretty foggy, praying and breathing for clarity…
“My son, My son, I would speak with thee as ye struggle with the compassion of thy heart, as ye struggle to release the employee of problems. For as ye seek strength to release her, as she is of a mind of issues, but it is a service to her and to thee. As both of you are struggling to have a resolve, for she also can feel the unease of satisfaction of self. For be not of a concern of her wellbeing, as she is released to find success to meet her wellbeing.
Oh My son, ye also wonder and struggle with the way of commandment, that ye should know as ye have choice to that which ye wonder. Seek ye Me in all things then ye will know the path to follow. For ye wonder and question thy path of indifference and I say unto thee again, ‘Seek Me and let thy actions be guided unto the discipline of obedience moment by moment and then ye will not falter. For in this thing ye have sought My counsel and in this ye have My love.
Ye even now question this word and even its authenticity, and I say unto thee, ‘Question not these words as ye wonder of the involvement of the mind. For have ye not questioned and received thy answer?’
I lost my clarity of my mind which I started to question from the beginning… as I am praying for help and forgiveness.
March 25, 2017 Saturday (6:02 am)
I just shut off the alarm of my phone and was saying a silent prayer as I was reaching to turn on my reading light. As I was asking the Lord to help me, I heard, “Write, My son.” Breathing for clarity and the flow of Spirit…
“Oh My son, thou art in the throws of mental torment and anguish because of the buffetings of the evil one. For even as ye had suspicions and thoughts of the contest of wills, so it is so. For, he who fights against Me, has had thee in his sight and is waging war upon thee, and even Me, as he torments My beloved. For did you not see the beauty and strength of a sword wielded in power and the righteousness of will? For as ye even heard his laugh of wickedness as he is working his delight of torment. But know this, My son, that ye are of Me and in this ye have the power of the Heavens to thwart with thy heal the head of he who is of the dust. For have ye not this promise? Do ye not know thy strength? For rise above the battle of wills again, unto the light of righteousness and keep thy mind focused upon Me. Use thy tools of righteousness and be of good cheer as ye show thyself thy strength. For what purpose would it serve thee for Me to rescue My beloveds from such torment? Would ye discover thy will and strength? So press on my son in thy desires of righteousness and ye will be raised again to the heights of holiness that ye have glimpsed and felt. Press through this time of torment with an eye single to Me and ye will know the value of such buffetings and focus. Be bold, My son, in thy work and fight unto Me, overcome thy weakness of thy humanness of values that wants thee to give up the fight and whispers that ye are not worthy in such weakness. For was thy weakness but a moment and were these whisperings not of darkness? For even as his war is with Me, so it is with those that are of Me, and is this not thee? Know this and be aware of the mists that subtly creep into thy thinkings. For if it is of failure then ye know that it is not of Me, and ye know the workings of darkness that are out to destroy My children of light. Therefore My son, rejoice in thy strength and rejoice in thy sword of honor. That ye should bruise the workings of he who has fallen. So fight strong and with the will of the Heavens as ye know thyself of strength. Be strong and be bold in thy workings and ye will feel the light flowing again. Peace unto thee My son as ye fight the fight of righteousness.”
As you have just read and as I mentioned I have been struggling. I have been tossed about in this “Contest of wills.” My emotions and temperament have been tested as I have had to focus on things from letting an employee go, battling the adversary, to navigating feelings of offense. In each of these it has caused my heart to be heavy. As I have mentioned, since the experience of the generational work I felt like the playing field was equaled. A feeling of not so many of the advisory’s minions coming at me at one time, but now I have felt his direct focus and attention. Right after the experience I felt some relief, but now I feel the onslaught of battle. I am going to be open and honest, as you probably know I have lived a life of, lets just say, the natural man. And I am not sure if this opened up pathways within my mind that the advisory has built strongholds, as Paul of the New Testament spoke of tearing them down. I question if battling these strongholds is the price of sin? But without any warrant of my own I am relentlessly tormented. As the Lord mentioned, I even heard his laugh as he was tormenting me. I was attempting to maneuver my sword of strength with drawing upon the powers of Heaven and was even trying to release the energy of darkness from me through having the sword vibrating and resonating with light. And it was even in these attempts that I heard his laugh, which brought up a determination to fight harder as I began to spin my sword within me until it picked up such speed and strength that the centrifugal force of the energy sent him moving away from me.
Even now as I have been inputting the above writing and my thoughts, I have felt an energy behind me which makes my hair stand on end. Father, what do I have to endure? Is not my home a sanctuary from such influence? How do I find peace from his torment? Father help me… as I even pray for the armies of Heaven to protect me. And with this prayer I felt the imagery of Cherubim standing outside my home and can feel a peace come over me.
I feel weary of this battle as his mists of darkness are even trying to cause me to feel offense with my family. I have a family situation that hurt me and I thought I was through it but my offense keeps rearing its head as I just want to put it aside, as I hear the whispers to hold on to my hurt. As I have pulled the statement of affirmation from the past, “I choose to not be offended.”
You know I forget about the ‘law of balance’ which was discussed a few years back in the writings. Where the advisory is given equal time, as to be a fair judgment. And I am flashing on Elder Holland’s closing talk of last year’s General Conference. In this talk he taught that the low will always follow the high, this very law of balance. Where we are given an opportunity to apply the lesson and energy of the experience of light. I pray that the Lord will teach me how to, “Press forward in my desires of righteousness that I might raise to the heights of holiness again”
I mentioned in the preface of these last couple of writings about climbing the mountain of the Lord. I am pondering now and seeing how as I climb the trail, it raises and even dips in its assent, but not until I take a moment and look out from my focused climb do I see the view and height that this undulating journey has brought me. This vista of earth and Heaven as I remember even today the sweetness of Spirit which I felt, the very same sweetness that I have tasted, the fruit of His love. A remembrance of taste that keeps me pressing forward, even in my exhaustion of the battle of the climb.
April 1, 2017 Saturday (6:50 am)
I just woke up and as I was coming into consciousness I was saying a prayer of love to the Father, and it was in the middle of the sentence that I heard, “Write My son.” Pen now in hand as I breathe for clarity…
“Yes, My son, it is this very love that draws Me unto thee and it is this very love that is the sealing force/agent that is the binding force of the eternities. For as ye come unto Me in such of the heart, ye behold the wonders that can and do exist. For it is on this love and these wonders that are the foundation of righteousness. For as ye continue to release unto Me and give thy all in praise and sacrifice, it is then that all blessings doth flow forth and ye will beheld the wonders of things to come. For as ye have witnessed publicly thy love and thy devotion, ye will behold the wonders of social media that is used for the salvation of man. For in this ye have given thy commitment and in this ye have witnessed unto others thy pledge of love; and as ye have done this ye have opened eyes unto the truth of My love. For this is Mine doctrine to open thy mouth and thy heart unto all, and in this ye begin to understand the work of salvation that is the work of this life and the world to come. For even as Mine feet are upon the earth again we will be of such a work and wonder. For open thy mouth and receive the witness of Spirit, and allow the peoples to choose their allegiances. For as they make the choices of wisdom, it is wisdom that they should receive such blessings in a world of chaos. For even as the souls of man seek peace it is Mine peace that will satisfy their thirst and fill their bellies that they might not want spiritually. For as a man is full let him not glutton, but share such of the heart unto others that all might receive, and in this sharing is the blessing and reward of brotherhood/sisterhood. For allow thy mouth to speak of Me and allow thy words to witness of My love and I will bless you with the Spirit of witness and the words will be as fire in their hearts and the words will speak truth to their minds. For even as the gospel of pureness is shared then ye will receive upon thy head the blessings of not only thy own salvation, but the salvation of thy brothers and sisters. So be bold in thy speech and be strong in thy heart that I might come forth to witness unto thee, even as ye felt and know of thy presence, as ye met the other night. Did ye not know My presence? Did ye not feel My love? And as ye gather in Mine name to witness and study do ye not think that it doth not draw Me unto thee? For what followers of truth is not made worthy of My presence and what love is withheld from those seeking the pureness of heart. For it is in this that ye become Mine and ye receive Me before I come. For I do cometh unto man, but it is of last night that I cometh unto Mine own. For know Me and receive Me now that ye might know Me in Mine coming, which will steal the hearts that abide in Me. For know Me now that ye will be ready in thy afflictions to have My presence and grace.
Blessed art ye, son, to hear these words of love and in this is thy commission to share this very love with the world that they might know Me even as I am. Yes, the Prince of Peace in a world that is evermore calling for relief. Seek Me, and find Me, and I will be thy comfort, oh world of wonder, oh world that is My joy. For ye will know Me soon.
Blessed son of the morning, ye are blessed even in this; My son of the words of righteousness.”
April 4, 2017 Tuesday (7:00 am)
I have been reading and practicing some breathing techniques to help relieve some anxiety that has been overwhelming me the last few days. As I was finishing my breathing I heard, “Write, My son, I would speak with thee.” Breathing now for clarity and the Spirit’s flow of words…
“Oh My son, it is of great worth that ye have been guided to this book of value (The Happiness Trap) and it is of these lessons learned that ye will continue to find thy relief from struggle and overwhelm. For even as ye take on these very practices it is of great worth to have also a focus unto Me; and in this ye will not only benefit but excel in the worth of such work. For it is through these very skills that will help thee cope with thy emotions and oft feelings of overwhelm, but it is My love that will heal thee and thy soul. For even as ye felt the overwhelm of life yesterday, was it not a feeling that was destabilizing? For did ye not feel the very urge to flee? But how can ye flee thyself except through the distractions of addiction and the distraction of life. For were ye not desirous of the comfort of coping of thy past? But ye did not succumb to the hiding from thy past, but ye pleaded in an unknowingness for My hand. And in time, did ye not find some relief from the overwhelm of fear? For know this, My son, that ye are loved and it is of thy nature to be overwhelmed with the knowledge and fear of projection. For even as ye have and continue to bear the knowledge of world judgment. Ye are of Me and My hand, and in this is the truth, not to overwhelm thee with such anxiety, but to give thee warning so that ye might be of a knowingness and preparedness.
For even as ye have taken upon thyself the love of she who teaches thee love (my cat), it is of a love that ye are in fear and overwhelmed. For as ye project thy fear of thought upon thought, fear upon fear, of situation upon situation ye have gathered unto the a mass of overwhelm that is taking on a life of its own. For even in this book of understanding (The Happiness Trap) ye have created a monster of fear. As ye follow the dismantling techniques of acceptance ye will find the relief from such overwhelming fear. For have ye not lived in fear all of your life since childhood? And are ye not now living in the same overwhelm of life? Oh My son, what would it benefit thee to be rescued, to have such fears taken from thee? Would ye find thy strength? Would ye find the truth of thy ability to overcome? For even as I spoke these words to Joseph, in his trials of life, so it is that I will again, ‘It will be for thy learning and will bless thee in the worlds to come.’ For in all of this is experience, which is the lesson of life. For look unto Me in thy fears and relinquish not thy hold upon thy sword of truth and power, but hold true and strong and relinquish all thy fears of concern unto Me. For is this not true surrender and true submission to the will of God? Surrender thyself at My feet and I will lift thee up, and through all of that, which will come, ye will have Mine angels to lift thee up and ye will be blessed to be by My side.
Oh son of knowledge, oh son of heart, let not thy fears overwhelm thee unto a frozen state. But come unto Me and in this I will bear thee up and give thy heart comfort. For even as the coming is harsh upon the world, it is in My love that that ye will find relief and it is through My Spirit of comfort that thy heart and mind will survive.
For even as ye take upon thyself these practices of coping let thyself be of a hand, My hand, to give thee guidance and stability as ye come unto Me. For these techniques will help thee cope, but it is in My love that will heal thy soul. For is not all life a lesson of acceptance? Therefore, come unto Me and learn thy lesson in its fullness and I will give thee comfort. Blessings My son as ye learn these valuable lessons that are the foundation of learning. My love abides with thee as ye carry the weight of knowing; the blessings and trails of a prophet. Oh My son, fear not these words but lean into them and feel My embrace again.”
I might just mention, for understanding, why the Lord is giving me this counsel…
It seems like for the past several days I have been living in varying states of anxiety. This anxiety has been building as I am living with the information of the writings of what is coming and the affects upon those that I love. The Heavens have blessed me with ‘She who teaches me love’, my cat. She is the closet thing that I have to having a child. She is so attached to me and I to her. I know it sounds a little crazy but my life now evolves around her and as I project my fears of her life in disruption and in the worst projection, even her life ended in the chaos of what is to come, my anxiety levels grow. I now that this isn’t what the Lord intends me to carry but as He said,“…it is in thy nature…” And how true it is, I have lived in a low grade fear all of my life and I know that His words are true, that by submitting all at His feet He can then lift me, and us up.
Also, as the Lord has guided me to Dr. D, and He has guided to me through Dr. D the book, ‘The Happiness Trap.’ As I have read this book it has surprisingly resonated with me on so many levels. It has brought back the voice of Elizabeth with her counsels, and has been in congruence with my past trainings of alternative styles of therapies. So, the Lord counsels me to follow the techniques of acceptance and it will help me in getting a handle on my overwhelm, but always turning unto Him for my ultimate healing. Believe me, I know I cannot travel this path alone and am in constant need of His divine love.
April 12, 2017 Wednesday (12:12 am)
I was just saying my bedtime prayer after sitting at the computer and inputting some of the last writings, and as I rose from my knees I felt an impression to write. As I continued to crawl into bed I heard, “Write My son, write.” So I now prepare the way for the words to flow with my breath…
“Oh yes, My son, it is in the wisdom and grace of all righteousness that ye should know the love of the Heavens, that ye might not labor in vain of not knowing thy presence in Me. For did I not take thee into My arm and did I not receive thee in My grace? For it was for thyself to not know the wholeness of My word, but did ye not receive the blessings of My word? Oh My son of the morning, that wearth red. Know not thy worth as I mark thee with the blood of mine love, even forgiveness?
Oh world of man, know this, as ye acknowledge unto Me thy weakness and thy alignment/devotion, it is then that I can give unto thee Mine blood of righteousness that cleanses even the worst of deeds. For it is for thee to come and behold the law of mercy, and the forgiveness of self. For what doth it profiteth thee to put thy attentions unto thy own selves and turn thy backs unto Me? Oh world of man, prepare thyselves and receive My blood.
I am sorry to say that I keep falling asleep…
Sleep My son for ye struggle in thy exhaustion, know that ye are loved even in thy weakness and humbleness.”
It is with deep regret that I was falling asleep in my exhaustion. When that happens I often feel the weight of what His disciples must have felt as they slept through the most harrowing time of our Lord’s earthly life. I often wonder if they felt as I the pangs of what was and is missed with the exhaustion of the body as its shuts down. So I wonder what more could have been revealed as The Lord was speaking of His atoning sacrifice.
In the beginning of this writing, the Lord, referred to an experience that He gave me that I might explain so that it might bring more clarity to His words. And as usual I begin with the preface that I share these things not out of ego saying, “Look at me” but out of sharing the beauty of Christ. I wonder if Lehi felt the need to preface his dream? … asking with a smile.
As I have been mentioning I have been reading the book, ‘The Happiness Trap’ and in the book there are various exercises that are asked of the reader and one is heightening your awareness through breathing. So one morning, on my day off, I decided to lay back on my bed and do the breathing exercise, which comes easy for me. And so as I was breathing my body started filling with energy and I let my body move as the mudras and energy flowed smoothly as I allowed the energy it’s freedom. I then could feel an intensity of the energy build, it was then that I saw with my spiritual eyes, Christ as He beckoned to me without words or motion. I then became aware of part of myself rising forth out of my body and moving to Him and I watched from my bed as that part of myself moved to Him. The observing self then witnessed Him take me under his arm and gently turned with that part of me and began to walk away to travel with Him. It was then that I was laying in bed and wanting with deep desire for the present part of myself to be part of the experience. And as they walked away I was left wondering of the experience that I could not access. As I continued to breathe and keep my focus there, after what seemed like only moments I became aware of the return of Christ and myself that was permitted to travel with Him. As I became aware of myself I saw myself covered in red and immediately understood that it was His atoning blood. It was not gory or gross but there seemed to just be a hue of red covering my entire body and the robes that I was now wearing. As I continued to take in this beautiful sight of His atoning love, I saw the red moving and gravitating, like metal to a magnet, as the color moved from my body and robes to the sash that was about my waist. As the color was moving and then consolidated to just the sash about my waist. In seeing this I had a multi leveled understanding of it’s meaning. I understood that it was a symbol of His atoning sacrifice that was now accepted by me and that this sash was like a marker of my allegiance to Him. And another awareness that it was a marker for His angels that will soon have His way with the world of man. As this ‘other self’ re-entered my body I was left lying on my bed in a state of amazement as I continued to wonder of the experience, and the now shared flowing emotion of love and peace as I focus in my mind’s eye on the sash of red.
April 22, 2017 Saturday (9:44 pm)
I was just on my knees beginning my bedtime prayer when I heard to write, as I questioned I heard a clear, “Yes, My son, write.” I pray for the Spirit as I breathe to clear my mind…
“Oh My blessed son, for this very cause I have asked thee to write that ye might know My love even as ye feel weak, and in thy weakness is thy strength. For Mine words are for those that are to be lifted up and in this ye hear My voice and know Me, and in this I am pleased. For man thinketh that perfection is for the holy and that the Heavens open for those of perfection. But I say unto thee, ‘Are ye perfect? And yet are not the Heavens open? Are ye not of Me even in thy weakness? Do ye not hear My words in thy wondering?’ So now ye know the truth of these things, that perfection is for a few but the road to perfection is open unto all, but few walk its path/course. For even as I have called ye out of the world, know this that even as ye are weak and carry some of the projection of the world, ye are still of Me. And when I call ye Mine, I know your weaknesses and I know your strengths, and it is in this knowing that I called ye forth to come unto Me. And it is in this very same knowing that I am with thee, and in this ye are Mine. Know this in thy soul and ye begin to value the things that are seen before thee.
Sleep, My son, and know that ye are in Mine heart. Sleep well and be at peace, My son, peace unto thy heart and mind.”
April 24, 2017 Monday (8:15 am)
It’s my day off and I allowed myself to sleep in. As I was just waking and expressing my love to Father I heard, “Write My son and I will complete that which was spoken.” I have to confess that lately I have been a little apprehensive about trusting the content and flow of the writings, and I can feel it now. Even in my unease I begin to breathe for clarity and allowing my mind to move out of the way for the words to flow as I speak, “Thy words and will, oh Father.”
“My precious son, thou art the jewel that shines when I hear these very words of surrender. For all of your life has been to strive for happiness, freedom and deliverance, and here in these very words is the freedom that ye seek. The release from all worry and torment are in the very release unto Me. For how can a Father work His love until the child is willing to receive and surrender to the counsels offered? How can a child truly receive until he or she is willing to lay aside the defense of the ego and open unto the ways of surrender? For the world of man knoweth not these things. For the world fights for the freedom of self, but as ye have spoken to thy beloved (sister) “The world does not know the law of submission.” Oh My son, thou hast given unto Me thy all in these words, and it is then as ye act upon My counsels that the very will of Heaven is given its weight and right. And in this the windows of Heaven pour forth blessing upon blessing, and the doorways opened unto the very passages of Heaven. For it is through the will of obedience that the world struggles. For how can the hand of God pour forth blessings that are predicated upon obedience? For it is this very law that keeps thee, the world, in struggle and pain. And in this is thy growth and thy lesson. Except ye, oh beloved, have given Me thy all and in this ye have been given the love of an open Heaven. And in this ye have witnessed and experienced the hand of God upon thee. And soon, My son, ye will walk with Me again body to body embrace in the sacred oneness that ye seek. For how can I give My all unto those who still struggle in their pride of self? How can the sacredness of oneness be given unto one that still reviles against the release of the self? For if the world was only enlightened to understand, it is only through the release that the true freedom is discovered and understood.
Oh My son, My heart flows forth unto thee, and the eternal stream of joy, and in this it is only for thee to accept. Thy mind is of a nature of worry, but thy heart is of a nature of love. Therefore My son, release the mind unto the heart and be in joy. You ask, ‘How’? and I say unto thee, ‘Just as the heart whispers, ‘Thy will be done.’ Allow the mind to surrender unto the heart. Allow the ego to rest and allow the fears of life to sleep, and allow the mind to kneel at the alter of the heart.
Oh world of man, ye must learn this very lesson of surrendering. For ye are of the mind and the joy that is offered is of the heart. Release upon release will show thee the way unto the light of understanding, such joy of oneness. For the mind and ego divide and separate, but the heart is the uniting force of God. For if one, an individual, would only come forth unto Me, they would be groomed and fashioned, even as he who writes, to surrender all. And in this surrender into oneness of joy, which is the blessing and state of God. Surrendering is the key to open the gates and allowing thee to pass the angels of Heaven. For the world of Christ (Churches) thinks that only grace is the answer, but it is grace upon grace and the surrender unto action that gives thee the truth of salvation. For the world knoweth not the action of God. For it is the evil of man and the surrender to he, who fights against Me, that has brought this truth into hiding. And it is now a generation that rejects the laws of God saying, ‘Religion is evil and evil is good.’ And therein is the work of the worker of darkness. Oh My children of the world, ye think that ye are free in such a statement of declaration, but I say unto thee, ‘The world will continue to falter, and in this will all prophesies fulfilled. And in this is My coming. And in this is My world known again upon the earth as My feet touch again as Master and King. Oh My children, come unto Me and release thy very all at My feet and I will lift thee up unto the Father of Oneness and ye will be free to be takers of His love again.
Oh My beloved son, know that ye are loved in thy very surrender and in this ye wear the sash of red and in this ye have Mine arm around thee as a comfort, even until the very day of praise. Peace unto thee as ye walk beside Me, even in thy weakness to be made strong.”
May 7, 2017 Sunday (5:27 am)
I was woken up with the words, “My son, I would speak with thee. For thou art in the throes of darkness and thou knowest not.” Breathing for clarity…
“Yes, My son, thou knowest not the weight and strength of thy oppression as ye struggle with the love of she who is in the height of discomfort. For even as your ‘angel of fur’ (my cat) is of a nature of sickness, ye are of a fear of her life and condition. And it was upon such fears that the workers of darkness are of an opposition of discouragement and dread. For even as thy stress levels and anxiety have been out of control, ye have known that ye cannot cope with these stresses and anxieties. But thou knowest not the Heavens of love that is waiting to counsel thee and sure thee up in thy overwhelm of life. Yes, ye have prayed that the strength of Heaven might sure thee up, but ye have not cast off and out the actors of darkness that are playing upon thy fears and concerns. For even as ye are of a nature to worry, it is even in these thoughts that the fears are fanned unto a fire, and a blaze. For ye thinketh that the weight is beyond bearing, but what weight is not too much for the Heavens to hold and bear? For ye thinketh that this is a testing of God, but thou knowest not the mind of God. For thou knowest not the love of Heaven, except ye ask of a pure desire and in this ye will know the weight that is upon thee and the opposition that adds to thy fears. For dost thou think that the forces of opposition have more power than Heaven? Does thou thinketh that this is a test of endurance and faith? For even as ye sucker thy little one with medications, but ye ask not the will of Heaven as ye live in concern and fear. Think not that the Heavens can comfort and even heal? Think not that love is only for the human nature? For who created all plant and animal, and everything that fly or creepeth? Think not that the Creator cannot control all elements? For even as ye have wondered of the opinion and desire of Heaven, yet ye have not asked because ye live in fear. Even a fear that does not trust thyself to hear and know that which is given, so ye drowned in thy fear and overwhelm. For ye now ask in an attitude of defiance, which is not yours. For thou thinketh that thy anger of disturbance is thine, but can ye not see and hear the opposition that chides Me? Can ye not know the weight of oppression that is not thine? For thou hast carried a weight that is not thine.
For know this, My children, that when ye are in the throes of despair and ye have thoughts of darkness, that the workers of darkness will slip in beside thee to taunt and feed the fears of dread. And in this ye are thrown into a mind-set that cannot be overcome unless ye turn to the Heavens in an awareness that cannot be seen. But even as ye run with these thoughts and fears, and consider them as thine, know that the spark is thine but the fanning of the flame is of an opposition. For would the Heavens support such suffering? Would thy Father of Mercy cause thee to suffer and leave thee without hope? For even now ye can hear the words of defiance that cause thee to doubt. What thinketh the source? For ye so naturally accept these spurs of defiance as thy own, thinking that it is a negative part of thyself, but ye know not the nature of opposition that has been attached and feeding there such. Oh My children, be not quick to own such thoughts of darkness, but be of a nature to cast off such darkness and allow the light to fill thee. For thou thinketh this is foolishness, but why not carry light instead of the darkness of fear? For ye are so accustom to carry the dreads of darkness that is of fear and a nature of dread, but why not have thy inclinations be of light? Why not turn unto light first?
Oh My son, know this, that the Heavens will support the oath of darkness that is upon the world until the asking of light. So why not ask? Ask and receive. For do ye think that darkness reigns? Do ye think that the will of the Father is to always suffer? Suffer not thy pain of aloneness, but call upon Heaven to sure thee up and give thee comfort and strength. Know these things and ye are blessed. Forsake not thy birthright into oppression. Carry not the weight of enslavement. Cast off the shackles of darkness and look unto light which is always the path to freedom of such a weight that desires to destroy the freedom of man. Knoweth this and ye are wise. Therefore, My son and children, come unto Me continually that I might lead thee through such darkness, that the mists that confront thee might not devour thee. Cast off thy burdens and receive Mine light of love. Rest and ponder these things and more will be added upon thee.”
May 13, 2017 Saturday (9:54 pm)
My heart is breaking. My cat has been diagnosed with Asthma and she is in a lot of discomfort trying to breathe. The veterinarian has her on a steroid which has helped some, but she is still wheezing as she is struggling for breath. As I was just asking in Christ’s name and calling unto the Father for a healing for her comfort, the energy during the prayer was jolting my body and I was told to write. After asking for clarification I heard, “Yes, My son, I would speak with thee.” It’d breaking my heart as I just left her to come write. I hope I can be clear enough to hear through all of my emotions. Breathing…
“Oh My son of love, thou hast heard My will and thou hast come before Me as ye have shown thy submission. For what hast thou said unto Me to hear such a voice of comfort? Thou hast said, ‘Thy will be done.’ And again, My son, it is in these words that ye are of Me and it is in these same words that bind Me to thee, and thee to Me. For this is the joy of Heaven, the forsaking of self to receive the joy of the Father’s love. For even as thou hast come unto Me in asking for the comfort and healing of thy cat, I say unto thee, ‘So be it; it is done.’ And as ye add thy will unto this promise, so it is that she will receive the angels of mercy to comfort her and bring her relief from the discomfort of her pain.
For My son, hath ye learned the price of love? A love that hath no bounds that brings ye into the oneness of love, that ye are even willing to sacrifice thy own unto the whole of goodness. Have ye learned?”
“Yes, Father, I have learned. Oh blessed Father give her Thy mercy that she might know Thee again, and be of a comfort of breath.”
“Yes My son, ye have received the blessing of burden to know such a love that is willing to sacrifice thy own for another. And in this ye have learned the lesson at an easy price for ye to know the love of such a connection of Spirit. Oh My son, thou art exhausted and know the weight of a parent, and the same weight that is magnified and poured within thee. For even as ye hath seen the glory of oneness, now ye begin to feel with a oneness that is thy gift. For what love could be learned for such a love lost? Be of a cheerful heart that the love of Heaven is upon thee that ye might know such a depth of love. Blessed art ye, son, believe and know that the blessing of Heaven which is upon thee will bless thee and thy desires. Raise thy heart unto Me as ye lay thy head upon thy pillow, even My pillow of peace.”
As I laid my head down I continued to hear, “Know that the Heavens are upon thee, even as thy heart feels broken. Peace unto thee My blessed son of the morning, who knows the love of God.”
May 23, 2017 Tuesday (12:23 am)
I’m just going to bed after celebrating my niece’s birthday, and upon coming home found an email from a past missionary that I served with in my area. Let’s just say that it was a growth time for both he and I and he was asking my forgiveness for his behavior and attitude, so I felt the need to respond as I was feeling the Spirit. So as I was just kneeling and hardly to get out my addressing the Father’s name I head, “Oh My beloved son write.” As I begin my breathing for the clarity and connection to Spirit…
“Yes, My beloved son, it is in this very cause that I have asked thee to write and hear the words of joy and the blessing of love that is upon thy head. For even as ye have been witnessing the darkness of hell, ye did not turn away from Me. For even as ye called night and day for the relief from darkness ye could not see My hand and My love. For as the workers of darkness had thee in their grasp ye did not turn from Me, and it is in this that I am well pleased. For even as the strength of fortitude was in thy weakness, ye spoke up and out asking for help from Heaven and earth to deliver you. And in these prayers ye called forth the angels of light, but it is My hand that stayed them that ye might know thy strength in thy weakness. For what felt like failure was success. For ye could not see the weight of oppression against thee. Ye knew not the countless workers of darkness raging against thee. Yet, ye did not fall out of grace, even as ye question a God that knows thy pain and yet stays His hand.
Oh My son, ye know not the value of such a testing. For what strength is poured out to be even taken from thee again? Oh My blessed son, see My color of blessing and know My hand upon thee. ‘Welcome’ upon thee for thou art raised up and blessed. Rest, My son, thy tired head.”
* I will take some time within the next couple of days to explain ALL that has been going on and the experience that gifted me with such a writing.
May 29, 2017 Monday
I thought I would take some time and try to share some of what has transpired over the last several weeks…
The sash of red continues to be a theme and symbol of Christ’s atoning love to me. Let me share the journey before I share more of His love.
I might mention that it feels like I have lived a year within the last several weeks as I have passed through the struggles of my ‘angel of fur’ being sick with Asthma, a struggle of faith as I have been in the very clutches of darkness, having a stomach virus that is reeking havoc in our area, along with all the other stresses of life and work. So as you have probably gathered by reading over the last few writings I have been in a lot of overwhelm which started with my cat and work. My work load has been over the top crazy with Mother’s Day, funerals, graduations, proms, and spring parties, and then to add to the mix of employees acting out, needing time off due to being sick and life. It’s hard in a small work atmosphere when one person is gone, let alone two and then with me mentally and emotionally struggling with the health of my cat. And then missionaries looking to me to lead them, to being a mediation teacher, wanting and needing to spend time with my family. It might sound like a normal load for many but for me and my mental and emotional structure… over the top! Yes, an overwhelm that put me into physical anxiety that I thought I was going to explode which was starting to leak out into my life around me.
In this fertile atmosphere of overwhelm, as the Lord instructed, the workers of darkness used their expertise by slipping in beside and used their whisperings and influence to fan the spark into a flame of blaze. And as He continued to instruct, we are not aware and even begin to assimilate their influences and own them as ‘us’, because those very influences are so intertwined with our own initial spark of concern which is rooted in fear. So it was a perfect storm for my testing. And a test it was, as I was in a dark place that was of helplessness. I would try to escape the oppression, try to add some light by calling out in prayer to the Heavens, which were often answered for a moment by an gentle experience, a feeling of Spirit, or kind word but I found that the weight of depression was heavy on my heart and I seemed to slip back into the dark. At one point it felt like I was being consumed like prey by the gnashing of teeth and would hear his laughter, the master of darkness. And in all of this I continued to cry night and day of Heaven and earth for help with what felt like no avail, but I did continue, even as I felt weak and a failure before the Lord. It was in this feeling of failure that I had a visit from my Bishop, which was in regards to church business, but as we spoke I confessed my feelings of failure. It was at the end of our conversation that he asked and then said, “No I’m not asking, I’m going to give you a blessing.” In that blessing he used the very words that the Lord had used about ‘casting out and off’ and he counseled me ‘not to retreat from my family’, which was unknown to him my very feelings to withdraw deeper into myself. I later expressed to him my gratitude for he has been the perfect Bishop for my continuing return to the Lord.
It was a week ago, last Monday, that my father and I were driving to meet my niece and her husband as we planned to meet at a restaurant to celebrate her birthday. As I was driving I was playing a CD that I received for my birthday from her of the worship music of Nathan Pacheco. Again I was lifting my thoughts and heart with his worship. As I was praying for release I was taken into an experience. In this waking vision I saw an opening, like a portal, open in the heavens before me, and I saw my sash of red. In what seemed like flashes of moments of experience and vision, I next viewed a hand reach out and grasp mine and lifted me up, as I heard a kind and loving, “Welcome.” In His loving gesture, the Lord, lifted me up and out of the darkness that had had me entombed for over three weeks. In His spoken single word to me was the lightness that I had been pleading. The single word carried a varied level of meaning as I felt His love, felt that I had succeeded, and was raised to a new level.
After this saving experience, I shared it with a friend, of the darkness lifted, and she also confided that she too went through a year of darkness where she felt like she was being tested. I appreciated her openness in sharing as I felt our love and bonding as brother and sister of progression. I told her of my gratitude for the Heavens and that I was going to go to the temple Saturday as an expression of offering to the Lord. She then shared an experience that she had in regards to the temple. She shared that she and her husband were at the temple and an authority there told them that he was with a traveling General Authority who had come to check in with the temple. This General Authority shared, with this temple authority, that if the Saints knew what was coming this temple would be filled seeking solace, comfort and strength. And so I go giving thanks to a Heaven, that hears prayers and has the wisdom to know when to lift.
In His love for me to know my strength, in my weakness, His hand stayed the angels of light to save me that I might find success in my, dark night of the soul. I have since come to realize that darkness isn’t always a state of transgression, but can also be a state of progression.
June 5, 2017 Monday ( 5:54 am)
It’s my day off and just let the cat out, and I was headed back to bed to see if I could get some more sleep or at least get in some reading time. As I crawled into bed I had feelings to write and began to have some phrasing start running through my mind and as I asked for clarification I heard, “Write My son, I would speak with thee.” Breathing for clarity and for the flow of Spirit…
“I speak through thy mind and heart that ye might know the will and love that is before thee. Yes, My son, thou art in the love of grace as ye have received the hand of God lifting thee from thy darkness of discomfort. And it is this very hand that sets thee upon thy course that ye might know and receive the will of grace and love. For Mine hand is upon thee and for thee in this. For even as ye have come before Me in requests of love and longsuffering, ye have known the will of the Father as ye have been let to suffer in the weakness of man and ye have suffered long to know thy strength. But as ye come into this place of purification ye are of the strength of weakness, but as ye come closer ye must abide in Me and know all things that are before thee. For even as the world begins to fall about thee, ye must follow the Spirit to know and lose not thy way, the way of the warrior. For in these dark times ye are the light that shines forth as a warrior of God, the Father of All Creation. And in this ye must hear, know and act upon commands given of the Spirit. And in this ye become the warrior of righteousness to succeed in all things. For as ye were of testing to see if ye would fall in thy nature as the darkness was about thee; ye were weakened but ye did not fall. And now ye are in the knowledge of faith in the darkness that can overcome. For as ye continue to choose right over darkness ye will not be allowed to dwindle in unbelief. In other words, ye will not have Mine hand to stay Mine angels of light and goodness. For even as a warrior of light and righteousness, he/she commands the light of Heaven to guide, direct, and act upon all desires of the Lord of Hosts. For as ye continue to purify, ye will know and be in the mind of God; knowing all things before thee.
Ye have asked to know the law of the fast, and it is in this law that guides thee unto Me. Yes, ye acknowledge thy weakness of this law, but in time all weakness will be made strong and ye will know the wisdom in all things given unto man. For as the will of personal desire is given unto the Father in righteousness, it is then that the Spirit of Holiness can sanctify all those that are before the law. And it is as ye kneel before the law that the law then begins to serve thee. So offer thy will continually before the law and then see the door open that allows the blessings of righteousness to be revealed. For not only are the blessings associated with a law, but also the entrances unto the halls of Heaven. And it is these very halls that have led the warriors and workers of righteousness unto Me. For did not Enoch, Moses and Abraham walk these very ways? And did not the doors of righteousness open unto them? And in this are the mysteries known, upon obedience. For even as ye continue to refine thyself ye know and begin to walk these very paths of righteousness. For continue to open unto submission and discipline, and ye will be purified by the Spirit of All Holiness to prepare thee for such paths. Know all things before thee, and walk in the ways of righteousness, and ye will not fail; for serve with all thy strength and allow the Heavens to open before thee.
Oh My children that are of the law, buckle thy breastplates and gird up thy loins in righteousness for the battle of salvation is before thee, and the battle of righteousness is soon to rage upon thee. Be of an armor of God, that ye might not fall, as the warriors of darkness are soon to rage against thee. For as they are loosed ye will also know a Heaven that commands the light of God, and ye will know power upon power that will bind and loose all things. For as thy hand is raised in righteousness all things will obey. And in this is the oneness of God made manifest. Be ye therefore bold in thy preparations of not only physical, but prepare thy mind and heart that ye are made worthy and clean before God. That His Spirit of Holiness might abide and direct thee in all ways of righteousness, and in these sobering times ye will not fail.
For ye are reading ( Luke of the Holy Bible) and marveling at the commands of My voice upon the path of My walk (His earthly ministry), and know this, it was through this very path of submission and purification that brought Me into the oneness of the Father. And it was through these very ways that all man must pass to achieve the realms of righteousness. For ye thinketh that it was My divinity made perfect, but I say unto thee, ‘That it was My discipline unto the law that make the divine, Divine.’ For All Righteousness is before the law and as ye pass through the law, it is the doorway unto the Light of All, the Father. Therefore begin to see the law as a door and the human mind will begin to have a view of change unto submission. For the ego does not want to be corralled or be controlled, but as ye give the ego an understanding of the path it will not fight thee. As in taming a mustang, the very same maverick now desires the bridle and saddle. Know this My son, that ye are upon paths of righteousness that will open for thee and in these desires ye are blessed. Serve well, My son, and allow the Spirit of Righteousness to lead thee. Follow thy hand of righteousness as ye buckle thy armor and grip thy sword and are filled with the Spirit of Promise. Know thy way unto salvation through these very paths. Blessings My son, as ye walk unto Me.”
It’s been quiet, as far as the writings, but the Heavens have continued to open even as I struggle in fear and anxiety. I am grateful for I still remain relieved of the darkness that was so engulfing. I have wondered whether I should share these experiences of an open Heaven. I am continually hearing people within the Church speaking of not sharing their experiences because they are sacred and we should hold them close to your heart. I understand their thinking and we don’t want to create an atmosphere of flaunting our experiences but I continue to think and hear myself ask, “But what if Lehi didn’t share his dream, and Joseph didn’t share his First Vision?” The list of sharing could continue on and on… and I still have a feeling that in my sharing it is more of a witness of a Heaven that is so merciful and open, even in our weakness. A sharing that is meant to edify and build a belief in natural eyes made spiritual that can see, and ears that can hear. I truly believe that we all have natural gifts, but all gifts may open to us in our belief. Again, not that we should use our experiences to compare and judge our self or others, but to have an awareness of possibilities. For I hold the hope and awareness that some day I might even sing in a key that will not make the angels turn in embarrassment.
So in all of my rambling let me take a moment and share a joyful experience as I was attending the temple with my family to do the temple work for my uncle and other deceased family members. The very same uncle that I did his baptism and initiatory work in Nauvoo some three years ago. I waited to finish his work wanting to allow other family members to participate but it had dragged on and this is the very same uncle that came to me in my mediation group during an inward journey and stated /asked, “ I want to receive my sash.” It was as we where all in the car and I was driving to the temple that I had a powerful jolt and an overwhelming emotion of Spirit that I could hardly contain. I had an witness of Spirit that there was great love waiting for my nephew-in-law. As I could not fully comprehend what the experience was to be but my mind did rest upon his grandparents. As I shared the experience with others the car became quiet for a moment and then went back to the joyful conversation of family, but I was still in the Spirit and overwhelm of emotions. All was well as we continued forward through the endowment session. It was as I passed into the Celestial room that I was trying to shake the feelings of shame as I still have a hard time remembering all that is required to move into this room which represents the glory of God. I was last of my family to enter so I took the open seat next to my nephew-in-law (I’m honoring his privacy by not calling him by name, but from here out will call him my nephew) So as I sat down I could see the solemnity on his face as I knew that he was seeking earnest prayer for his sickly mother. I glanced around at the beauty of the room and my dear family as I also bowed my head in prayer to the Father and the Heavens. It was as I was praying and contemplating that I opened my eyes and beheld again the beauty of the room. It was with my eyes opened that I could also see with my spiritual eyes and witnessed my uncle and my aunt were there in the room as my uncle stepped to me in an unspoken thank you as I was aware of him wearing his sash. It was then that he stepped backward to my aunt and then they both turned and walked away as I was in a state of love, gratitude, and well being. I then became aware of my nephew’s grandparents that came and bowed over him speaking words of comfort, and I was allowed to hear, “Don’t worry, we will be there to receive her.” Again my heart was touched with the love of Heaven bending so close in their love for him. But it was when my sister just passed to leave the room that my body did a jolt that lifted me in my chair and I saw a tremendous about of light enter towards the upper middle part of the room. With this burst of light I was made aware of a presence but I didn’t know or couldn’t identify who he was. As I was mentally asking I heard the name, Gabriel. It was then that I saw him turn and start to acknowledge each person in the room and as he came to my nephew sitting beside me he knelt on one knee and again the unheard words of spoken comfort were spoken. He then in the moment was standing in the middle of the room where he entered and as he stood there again he pronounce a blessing on all in attendance and then pronounced a blessing upon the temple itself. It was in the same immensity of light that brought him that I witnessed his leaving. I can still hear the resonance and authority in his voice as he pronounced the blessings. It was that overwhelm of Spirit in the car that was just made witness to me as I was left in awe and wonder of a loving Heaven that is open to us, even as we are sometimes unaware to take it in. A Heaven that bows and kneels on bended knee to offer their words of love and comfort.
June 24, 2017 Saturday (7:57 am)
I’ve been laying in bed pondering life circumstances, conversations, and thoughts of being a warrior for Christ. And as I am pondering and giving my heart to the Heavens, I just heard, “Write My son I would speak with thee.” My heart of submission is willing as I breathe for His word…
“Oh My son of the morning, ye give unto Me thy heart and in this I am well pleased. I can hear your words of prayer and submission unto Me that ye might be made strong to walk thy path. Oh My warrior of peace, ye have the strength, but yet not know thy strength. For ye are continually focused upon thy weakness and therefore continually are denied, in thy view of weakness. Know this that the road will be as all… yes, write the word… prophets. Oh My son, ye deny whom thou art and in this ye deny thy strength. For are not all who fully embrace Me a prophet unto himself? Are not all whom fully embrace Me full of the gifts of revelation and knowing; full of strength and honor, righteousness, and free from guilt? For in this ye stumble in thy weakness and fully not embrace Me in thy rejection of self. For ye thinketh, ‘Why me?’ and focus upon thy weakness when I say unto thee again, ‘Why not thee?’ Why not any man or woman whom besets the path of righteousness unto Me? For upon this path ye must abandon thy weakness and accept all truth, even thy divine nature which is purified before the law. For some think and question that purity is achieved and then righteousness prevails, and I say unto thee, ‘Righteousness is achieved in complete obedience, and purity already exits. But it is the idea of a broken and defiled man that keeps thee broken and in the thoughts of weakness. For ye have stumbled and continue to stumble on this path because of thy non-belief, not of Me, but of thee. For even now doth not the forces of darkness whisper thy past and let thee not fully come unto Me, because of naked and in sin? (the Lord is speaking in the figurative) And I say unto thee, ‘Have ye not received the blood of Christ? And have ye not received the sash of His righteousness?’
Oh My children of the law, ye know not the wisdom of strength and salvation, because ye still linger in the memory of worth. A worth that says, ‘Ye are not worthy.’ , and ye embrace this over My embrace. Ye ever so quickly embrace thy weakness and reject thy strength, because of fear. For ye fear man more than God, and ye fear thyself more than My full embrace. For in thy view of thyself as/in weakness, ye then do not have to walk fully the paths that require full commitment and ye linger in half truths and visions because of fear. Ye fear of what ye might say or do, ye fear of what will be asked, ye fear Me. But I say unto thee, ‘Fear not the hand that sustains thee, that sures thee up, and brings thee unto righteousness and salvation. Fear not thy strength; to live in a weakness that keeps thee from My embrace. For ye question and say, ‘Why me?’ and I say, ‘Why not thee?’ Oh ye that are worthy of My embrace, but choose to hide from Me because ye see thyself naked.
Oh My son, know of a love that will sustain thee. A love that is in thee, but ye yet still hide. For was it not thy worth that I first began to heal in thee? And are we still not at this very mind-set as ye begin thy approach unto Me? For ye still see and focus on thy past that keeps thee bound in weakness. And I say unto thee, ‘If ye must look back, look beyond thy weakness and again unto thy strength. For did ye not walk with Me? And Have I not given thee Mine arm again to walk, but ye say, ‘I am not worthy.’, and ye hide from Mine love because of fear. Oh My beautiful son and children, step forth from thy fear and allow Mine arm to embrace thy shoulder as we walk and talk, and converse in love… a love that is worthy to be received. Oh My children, fear not that is required to walk with Me. Fear not a fullness of love that will change/transform thee unto Mine. For did not even My apostles fear themselves and then fully embrace their strengths, even unto death? And this is thy fear, but I say unto thee, ‘Will not all die in Me, and am I not all salvation?’ For ye fear suffering, but is not this fear still focused upon thy weakness and not fully embracing whom thou art? Oh mind of man, ye must let go and fall to be saved. Fall unto Me.
Oh My son, fear Me not and fear not thyself. For release the vision of weakness and find thy strength again. For ye will need this very strength to forge the battles before thee. For in this ye have choice to lie in fear and die, or warrior in strength and die in Me. For all must come unto death, but how would ye choose to live? Oh My son, look past, beyond, and find thyself before thy birth and know thyself again. And in this ye have known the arms that have always been, and worthy to embrace thee/Me in righteousness. Oh My warrior children, ye are worthy… believe and receive.”
Oh Lord, I have lived my whole life in fear; fear of self and fear of life, and because of this focus of fear, fear of Thee. For if I own my strength it will become the focus of attack, so I hang out in fear and weakness rejecting Thy full embrace. For even as I ponder this I am filled with images of my past which is of sin and this world, which continues to feed into my weakness and leaves me unworthy. How do I raise above the continued binding of my past?
“Oh My son, ye are caught in the web of life. The web of thy past and the mind that is played upon by the workers of darkness. For have not all sinned? And your mind says, ‘Not like me.’ And I say, ‘Is not all sin unworthy before Me?’ Ye base thy worthiness upon thy sin, but I ask thee, ‘Are ye willing to release, fully release, and allow Mine love, Mine atonement to work upon thee?’ For can ye not see that thy mind is stuck in the web of life and the spider of lies continues to whisper of thy weakness and unworthiness?
Oh yes, My son, there is your truth. (As He speaks in a sureness as a thought just crossed my mind) Speak it. Say it. Let it have the light of understanding and Mine love.
“I am afraid of my strength.”
“For this is the core that keeps thee and all man/woman bound. For if ye own this, thy strength, ye must act and ye must be. For this is the belief that keeps the worthy bound, because of the collective belief that strength will be misused. For this is the history of this world. For ye are born into this collective belief. For look about thee and it is evident; all sustains this fear or belief. All of the world, but ye again must look beyond, and know again, another identification… another reality, that of righteousness, that sustains all strength and wholeness in a worthiness of love. Oh ye man, My children, ye fear thyselves; because ye have seen the strength of power misused. For ye were a direct witness as another, son of the morning, that fell from grace and took away thy loved ones and continues to deceive and misuse his/their power to keep My children bound. And this core belief of power misused is embedded within each of thee and must be routed out and brought into the light to be viewed and acknowledged for ye to pass and be free again. For in this a righteous man/woman fears himself. And I say, ‘Look unto Me and not be deceived. It is upon thy focus that determines thy strength. Therefore look unto Me and be free!’ Allow My Spirit of Holiness to bless thee and enlighten thee that ye might be made worthy again. Allow Mine atoning blood to wash thee, cleanse thee, and allow the Spirit of Truth to whisper again, whom thou art.
Oh Mine children, awaken from thy sleep and stupor of fear. Be whom thou art and come unto Mine embrace again. Allow Mine gift to give thee life. Allow Mine breath of love to breathe into thee, and awaken again the warriors of loving righteousness that set heavenly feet upon the joy and sorrow of earthly experience. Arise, arise and receive the resurrection of spirit before ye receive the resurrection of body. Be made worthy of My love and receive thy resurrection unto life.”
I am continually amazed at the beauty and wisdom that pours forth from the Heavens. Amazed of an open Heaven that shares the views of the spiritual and allows human eyes made spiritual to see, human heart to experience, and human ears to hear. Over the last few weeks I have experienced the depths of a darkness that I felt I could not escape, the anxiety of this same seeing and knowing, and the joys of an open Heaven. As I now sit, after reading this last writing for about the tenth time, I sit in a groundedness which is rare these days. These days when I am not fighting the attack of darkness, I am filled with an anxiety for the world as a whole, and the smaller world of my surroundings, those whom I care and love. My mind races from concerns of forthcoming events with their impact and effect. In which the judgments of God, in their national and global affects, will have their consequences upon all I love from my family, friends, and yes, even my cat. It’s a lonely place, this dichotomy of light and dark, with each of their effects within my mental and emotional bodies. Each of these bodies holds both the fear of projection and the groundedness of love, and I keep bouncing between the two. I know that one of my many lessons is to stay in that groundedness of Heaven that loves, sustains, and blesses with tender mercies. As I am trying to master this lesson I am attempting to catch myself as I go into fear with the phrase, “I trust Father.” For I know it is in this trust that He wants me to be, but the pulls of gravity, the gravity of fear, takes me into bouncing between my mental and emotional bodies. It is in each of these bodies that fear has been allowed to take root through most of my life, and an extensive root system it has become. In my innocence, allowing this natural and yet unconscious growth of fear to take root from early childhood experiences and become well established into my adult life. So it is no wonder that this is the first thing that I experience and it has a somewhat hold on my life. I say ‘somewhat’ because I am also amazed at how resilient we are, for in my youth even as I feared the world there was a part of me that would not be suffocated and choked out by this root system of fear and shame. And it was this very part of resiliency that has allowed me to reach out in growth to others, experience and express my desire of life, and in that expression to even create a successful business.
So the Lord, in His love, continues to have patience as He and the Heavens gently lead, again and again, a slow learner. A Heaven that sees the difference between worth and worthiness, and continues to love and build my strength into its potential, and into even what was, will be, and what is. A building of character, of trust, and a building of the strength of who I am. A gentle building until I can walk back into the presence of God, even All That Is.
July 7, 2017 Friday (7:15 am)
As I woke up I heard this phrasing streaming through my mind, “We must not let the concerns of tomorrow impede our progress of a bright future. We must be prudent in our adventures, but not limit our future.” It seems only natural that the flow of Spirit will continue so I begin to breathe to clear the way…
“Yes, My son, it is in this faith that ye might live, that the future remains bright even on the brink of collapse. For it is in dreams and progression that the mind stays bright and it is in the knowledge of salvation that the hope of tomorrow exists. For all that come unto Me are given such a hope of goodness that build upon a brightness of light and in this is the hope of things to be, things will be, and things that are. For even as Mine judgment is upon the wicked, the hope of the righteous still exists and in that hope is the bright future of tomorrow when all things will be made manifest. For keep thy hopes and dreams, keep thy good will and doings. For it is in these that will be given their fruit in their own due time, and it is that very hope that the world of tomorrow is built. For it is in that very brightness that is the foundation of the future and the lay stone of righteousness. For as ye hope and dream keep thy focus upon the things of Spirit therefore all that pass away will not be lost. For if ye hope for the physical, ye might have a false hope laid up unto destruction, but if ye have a hope for the virtues of Spirit it is upon these that the world exists and continues to be built. For dream of a future that holds the light of Christ in every building block laid; dream of a future that holds the mortar of salvation and the cap stone of exaltation. For in these your future will shine bright and your mind will not be lost unto the disappointments of the wind and the wave, the shaking and the crumbling, for in this the mind is held upon the virtues of God and the goodness of righteousness that will always exist. And as I have spoken will be the beauty of thy future. So hold true to thy hopes, stay bright in thy thinking, even as the world about you falls. Your future is built upon the foundations of Heaven and the new order to be built.
Therefore My children, hope for all things that are bright and the shine will be in thee. Get not lost in the wave of destruction. For even as ye buckle thy breastplates and grip thy swords of truth, are ye not looking to a brightness of hope, of what is thy promise?
Oh My son, thy mind has been given the weight of seeing and knowing the judgments of man, but let thy heart sing in the brightness that is beyond. Let thy mind be prepared with the hope of a bright future that holds the promises of all ye have seen and hoped, that ye might shine with the brightness that is not diminished in the corruption made brought down. Therefore lift up thy heart in hope and let thy future shine bright in the things that will be and the foundations that are laid of hope and brightness. For this is the mind of God and it is in this that His word will be fulfilled. Look unto the truth that shines bright even in a darkening world. For are ye not of the tree that bringeth forth the fruit of pure delight? So partake and enjoy the fruit of My righteousness which is for all man/woman willing to pay the price of letting go of a world crumbling about them. Therefore rejoice in the exquisite sweetness of Mine love and know Me even as I am, all truth that shines in the brightness of what is. Therefore, rejoice and live bright. Shine, My children, shine.”
Tears flow, as I am filled with a hope and a lightness that I have not felt or carried for a long, long time. In fact over the years I have felt happiness and even joy, but I have not felt a lightness of being as this invitation has evoked. Over the years the weight of this “seeing and knowing” has weighed heavy on my mind and heart, and recently it has been the contributing factor of my overwhelm and anxiety. This state of anxiety has been so consuming that I have wondered if I have been watching my mental stability erode in front of my very eyes. As I have been caught up in the fear and concern for all that I love and a feeling of helplessness as I can only stand and watch the wave cresting above us. But as I awoke this morning I was invited into the oneness of God and so laying on my bed. I raised the soles of my feet until they were pressing against each other and began to breathe and seek out His union as I fell back into a sleep state. And it was as I awoke, that I woke to my mind streaming the phrasing about a ‘bright future’ and a feeling of lightness of my soul.
It was a week ago that I reached out to my sister for prayers as I felt my mental stability wavering with this weight. I knew that the Lord didn’t want me to be hanging out in the consuming darkness of fear, and He has continually told me to rejoice and lift up my heart, but I haven’t known how to override my overwhelming emotions and mental state. So, I am not sure if it is the rallying prayers of my loving family, a merciful Heaven as They have watched me struggle and stumble, but not giving up, or a promise that the Lord recently made with me that ‘He would not stay His hand again’. And as I look at each of these it is the theme of hope. And I am filled with gratitude for a loving Heaven that continues to bow near with words of comfort and a new lightness to my soul.
*Just a note… as I just finished inputing this writing onto the blog, I decided to have some left over Chinese food for lunch. As I read the fortune, of the uneaten fortune cookie, it read, “Those that have hope, have everything.” I’m smiling.
July 15, 2017 Saturday (5:54 am)
I just woke up to my cat meowing to go outside, our usual routine of her wanting to explore the morning and my leaving the sliding door open to let in the coolness of the fresh morning air. As I returned to bed I was praying that I might fall back asleep because of the long day ahead of me and I could still get some sleep-time in before having to get up and ready for work. It was while I was seeking sleep that I had an impression to write, I questioned, and as I did I had another impression followed by the words, “Yes, write.” My desire to obey bumped up against fear (or anticipation) of the content and even if the words would flow. I began to breathe as I searched for my pen and paper, as I was hoping for a flow of Spirit that will be pure and clear…
“Oh My son, ye question thy gift and in this ye question thy faith unto obedience, but it is in this thy willingness to serve that saves thee in these realms of thy concern. For ye question if the Spirit of flow will be given, and ye question the counsels of Heaven made manifest and I say unto thee, ‘Trust thyself and thy heart, and ye will be blessed.’ For it is upon thy faith and obedience that the flow of Spirit is sent forth and it is obedience that the gift continues to be made manifest. Therefore My son, have faith in thyself and in the hand of the Heavens upon thee. For it is in this faith that the Heavens will continue to open and show thee the way. And it is in this faith that ye shall be guided unto thy truth.
Oh My son, ye wonder and ponder the steps of preparedness, and the course of which ye have taken to provide for thyself and thy loved ones of family and friends. And it is in this that ye have obeyed, and continue to obey but I say unto thee, ‘Thy obedience is made manifest and ye have proven thy obedience to be suffice.’ For as ye now fine tune thy preparations continue to examine that which can be taken with thee on foot and on back, that ye might have the wisdom and freedom to move about and serve where you are called. For even as ye are asked to join others, ye are given wisdom in the mobility of thy freedom to serve. For ye will be asked to be as a leader in the comfort of Zion and in this ye will continue in thy calling of faith. Therefore, My son, choose thy preparations in this knowledge and wisdom that ye might fulfill thy calling and worth as a servant, warrior, and son of the Most High; that ye might know the worth of obedience even in this that ye have been given. That ye might know that the hand of God has been upon thee to prepare thee in these things, and in all things that ye might fulfill thy creation unto this very purpose, a son of the morning. For even as ye have been called by Me, and for Me, ye will soon know the hand of God made manifest in these things of Spirit and earth made open unto thee. For have ye not even seen these very realms of faith? And have ye not believed thy visions of the salvation of man? For as ye have seen, so it must be made manifest in My word of command fulfilled to its very jot. For ye wonder in thy very mind of ‘what and how?’ And I say unto thee, ‘Seek not the answers of these, but seek the very faith to follow the command of Spirit, which is My command and My word made manifest unto thee.’
Oh My son, of My heart, ye have been sent to serve and to serve ye have chosen, and in this ye have been blessed. And upon thy head will continue the hand of blessing and the power of Heaven that ye might know the truth and way before thee. Fear not and fret not these commands. For as ye have been called by My very hand, ye will be called through revelation for these very purposes. For have ye not been prepared to receive for this very purpose unknown, by being called to the office of High Priest? For ye joke with others, because it is thy age but I say unto thee, ‘It is because of My very hand upon thee to be given My priesthood to serve.’ And in this ye will be given the power and blessing of this order of the Most High. That ye will be given the command and your hand and arm will follow in complete obedience of service. For as ye continue in these very paths all truth will be made available to thy mind and soul that ye might know the truth in these things made possible because the hand of God is upon thee.
Oh My blessed son, seek and ye shall find in My very house as ye show thy spirit of meekness in these very things. Come unto me in Mine house and I will give thy heart comfort. Seek Me continually and ye will continually find Me, even unto this end. Blessings My son, even as My hand is upon thee in these things. Question not these truths, but prepare thyself in the Holiness of the Lord and ye will find a comfort that thy heart and mind knoweth not.
Oh My children, this is the way of command that I might use thee for My very purposes and unto My very end. That ye might grow and that My very purposes might be fulfilled unto My very end, the salvation of man. Behold, thy truths and purposes given that ye might be fulfilled even in Mine truth.”
* It’s several weeks after this previous writing, and as I woke up this morning I was drawn to re-read these last few writings to bring comfort to my heart, of circumstances which you will be reading in the next entries. And as I read again this writing I was filled with awe and gratitude of how the Lord fulfills all He promises. I am continually torn with how much of the sacred to share, because of hearing counsels from others that the sacred should be held close to your heart and not spoken, and so I purposely omitted a beautiful experience of the Savior. But as I re-read this I am compelled to share this experience as a witness that the Lord fulfills all that He speaks.
It was early Saturday morning when I received this writing and in it the Lord speaks, “Oh My blessed son, seek and ye shall find in My very house as ye show thy spirit of meekness in these very things. Come unto Me, in Mine house, and I will give thy heart comfort. Seek Me continually and ye will continually find Me, even unto this end. Blessings My son, even as My hand is upon thee in these things. Question not these truths, but prepare thyself in the Holiness of the Lord and ye will find a comfort that thy heart and mind knoweth not.” And so with these words I decided to attend the last evening session of the temple. It was a beautiful session as I was able to take a family name, to be their proxy. I also was given a couple names by a young Polynesian woman in our ward of her deceased relatives, in which she asked if I could do their initiatory work. And I am pleased to say that one of the Fujian brothers was more than enthusiastic to be receiving his blessings, as I could feel and sense his excitement in his animated dance of sorts. And so the beauty and fullness of the ‘House of the Lord’ was being made manifest. But it wasn’t until I entered the celestial room that I was going to receive His promise. The room was full and most of the seating was taken but there was an empty chair in the corner of the room which I made my way to and once I was seated I began to take in once more the beauty of the room. Taking in the room’s pristine feeling, the twinkling prisms of the over-sized chandelier hanging above, and seeing all in attendance in their own reverence and awe. It was in these observations that I became aware of the brother who sat next to me throughout the session, he was now sitting with his wife on the sofa in front of me, as I bowed my head and entered my own world of prayer, thanksgiving and supplication. It was after some time that I re-opened my eyes and raised my head to see to see the room was less full, and even the brother who sat next to me during the session, his wife was gone. I observed him as I sat behind him and I sensed his attitude of searching and seeking, when I saw him do something that I had never witnessed in the temple, he rose from the sofa and knelt on one knee and silently offered a prayer. It was as I was observing his reverence that my body jolted lifting me off my chair as I sensed a huge energy come into the room. For a moment I was caught in my self consciousness as I looked about the room and saw a man watching me, who knows what he was thinking, as I returned my focus to my companion brother kneeling in the room. It was then that I began to see with my spiritual eyes a sight that brought tears to my eyes. An awareness, that seems like all should be on their knees, as I sat transfixed as I was in another heightened state of awe. As I watched through the softened focus of spiritual vision, I could sense/see Christ standing in the direction of our entering the room at the end of the sofa, a few steps in front of the kneeling brother. I was amazed to be an observer of such a witness as it seemed like time stopped in those few moments, and was even wondering why such a simplicity of calm should be in such a miraculous moment. As I was in deep respect, it was then that my calm was flooded with overwhelm with my Lord and Savior’s turn and focus upon me.
It was later as I entered the dressing room of the temple that I saw my companion brother, as I wavered in courage to share with him of our experience. It was only with a prompting that I mustered enough courage and whispered to him of my witness. Again it seemed as time slowed enough for him to realize what I was sharing, but as his mind and soul understood he took a hold of me and fully embraced me and began to weep. As he said, still holding me, with a slight Spanish accent, “Thank you.” I then shyly slipped away to the temple office to pick up the submission slips of my Fijian brothers to give to the young sister of my ward. As I returned to the dressing room and entered a cubical to change out of my white clothing I could hear coming from another cubical in the room the sniffling that comes with tears, as my own heart was full as I began to tear with my own experience.
July 28, 2017 Friday (6:52 pm)
I just sat down to eat some dinner and as I was praying over my warmed up food I was told to write. So, I am setting aside my dinner after a long, hot workday. I am beginning to breathe in hopes for a clear message…
“Oh My son, as ye give of the heart it is in this that ye call forth My witness and Spirit that ye might know that ye are loved. It is in this that your heart, even now, flows and your mind is made clear to be one in Me. As ye feel your heart ye know of such a witness. For even as your heart has been hurting and ye know the wake of pain in the movement of division in thy family. And so ye know the pain of love. And ye know the wisdom in the view of the Heaven, as ye wonder at the love of God. For ye see even as We see, the price of sin and the wisdom of forgiveness. For man is so quick to jump into the pain and see not the totality of wisdom in forgiveness. For even as the pain of past and present are combined in the totality of experience, but some are so blinded to not be able to separate and relinquish. For it is only in this separation that the letting go is made possible. For as one dwells in the combined pain of past made present there is the quicksand of experience that one is not able to be released unless the struggle of hate and ego are released unto Me. And as ye release unto Me it is then that the struggle of ego is surrendered unto the love of God and in this surrender ye are released from the pulls that drag one down into the hells of division and polarization. For one must separate from the ego of pain and move into the pain released unto Me, and in so doing ye are made free. So in this ye see the battle of wills in thy family and ye see the ego of pain that divides unto itself, which is a tool of the one who fights against Me. So in this ye see the pain of life made manifest into the present.
Oh ye loved ones of pain, cease thy acting out against love. Cease the fault finding of pain to support the truth of a lack of worth. And as ye do this ye become one in the desire of God, to be as one. But ye cling to thy hurt as a blanket of comfort because ye believe the lies of the heart that whispers the pain of a life lived. And as ye come from such a pain ye receive not the Spirit of oneness that is the mind and heart of God. For can ye not see that love is the truth to all discomforts? Can ye not see the wisdom of forgiveness?
Oh My children, if this were the operation of Heaven ye would have been lost far ago in the pain of division, but I continually turn unto My heart and ye find comfort and forgiveness in this… the way of the Heavens. For some say that I am a vengeful God, and others oppose and say that I am all loving. But I say unto thee, ‘That I am a God of mourning.’ That the heart is so easily put aside and ye dwell in the pain of hurt that attacks the mind in thoughts of negativity. And poisons the heart with the toxicity of separation of the ego that speaks lies of a heart divided. But in this ye think that there is not a way to see the truth. And I say, ‘Ye cannot find truth in the ugliness of separation.’ For I, God, am about the unity of love and not the separation of heart and mind.
Oh My son, ye see not the wisdom of a view of the mountain as ye stand so close; ye cannot see the entirety of the mountain. So in this, allow thyself to step away in love and see the view through a heart not divided, and in this ye see through a heart of love. Ye see the beauty of distance brought into a beauty of wholeness. Thy mind is weary. Rest My son, as ye need the food of nourishment to sustain such activity. Know this, My son, that ye are loved. And the love extends unto all who have an open heart to receive… receive My love and know.”
Before I enter this next writing I might briefly explain what has been happening in my life to warrant such a support and love from the Heavens. For the last several weeks I have been watching my family be split in two by perceptions of life experience. I am consciously being vague to protect the individuals in the situation, but it has been heart breaking to watch my family be literally severed in half. Early on I prayed to the Heavens for advice and support; I was told to support each in their belief of their life experience. So I have traversed the chasm that has been created, trying to bring healing to each side but it has been of no avail. This is a divide that I thought could never happen to a family such as ours, steeped in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
As I have pondered and thought about our family situation, I am drawn to my own perception, that this is a microcosm of the world of today’s climate, on a national level and on a world level. A climate of perceptions. Whether true or false, it is a stance of rigidity to the perception that divides and separates us into our smaller factions of collective belief. You can see it on a global level, political level, philosophical level, and yes, even religious level. Each holding to their perception and to their piece of their perceived truth. As I bring this observation to myself, I even use my own experience to build my belief structure. It seems like this is a natural and normal process of our journey in life. So are we accountable for the stances that we take in life? I think so. And whether it is within the gospel of Jesus Christ or without, I am beginning to see that it comes down to the simplest factor… is it adding light to our countenance? Are we respecting and loving others even as we perceive them as ‘wrong’? I’m not saying that this is easy or even if I am able to do it completely. But I think that this is the embodiment of Christ’s teachings on charity, of turning the other cheek, and of forgiveness. His life was this ultimate example, even unto the sacrifice that He laid Himself down for His truth, the Father’s truth. And perhaps this is the ultimate judge of our perception of truth, is it in alignment with the truth of the Father? And then I wonder, can we be deceived in that alignment? Is the Jihad in alignment with his truth? Is he in his own deception of what is truth? And again I am brought back to my experience of God, which is love and light. And perhaps, again, this is the simplest measure of truth… is it adding light to myself and others around me? For me, I will choose this measure of truth as it brings the most peace to my soul.
So in this climate of family division, I have been hurting for each side in their experience. And in my hurt I have been struggling with sadness and even find myself standing on the edge of depression. I say standing on the edge, because it seems like I find myself absorbed into it, like a swim. I find myself in the water, splash around, swim about, even float, and when I have had enough and pull myself out. Or where in reality I have been helped out by the Heavens, and in that same reality have been pushed in by the adversary. Sometimes the push is not as noticeable, as I experienced a couple of days ago. Over the last several days I have taken some more time off from work to try to get my life in order before the craziness of the holiday season. The other day as I made it through a couple of things on my unwritten list, my heart became sad and a tiredness came over me. It felt like I was walking through mud, so I allowed myself to rest and just sit and watch TV. It was five hours later that I realized I was in the ‘water’ of what felt like depression, I could hardly move out of my chair, I felt immobilized, my mind seemed clouded over as in a mist, and I just wanted to turn back to the TV. It was at this crossroads of decision, in this darkness, that a little glimmer of light mixed with thought, in my mind, began me to contemplate moving. I had splashed around and floated in the water long enough, and had a glimmer of desire to climb out of the water. So in this glimmer of light I withdrew from the numbing of the TV into the living room, where I put on Nathan Pacheco’s newest CD laid on the floor and began to breathe. In my breathing the mists that covered my mind began to lift as a morning fog in the rays of the sun. I began to think clearly again and a lightness came to me as I started using my tools. My sword of strength entered my body as I saw my shield and breastplate of righteousness come to me and it was in these visuals that my body was jolting with the release of attached energies of darkness. As the clearness of thinking returned I realized I was in battle again with the very same forces that would have me drowned in the waters of hopelessness, and get lost in the depths of sadness of situations that are out of my control. As my continuous breath breathed a clearness into me, as I could now sense the energies of darkness that were attached and sucking the very life force out of me. I know it sounds like a scene from a sci-fi movie, but I truly have come to believe, out of my experience, this is the very course and way of the workers of darkness. That very same measure that I was talking about earlier, “Is it adding light to my countenance?” And in this measure I was being darkened my forces that would have me fail, and was succumbing to the very mists of darkness that have been so beautifully written in the Book of Mormon.
So it was in this awakened awareness that I began to repeat continuously the name of all salvation, Jesus Christ. And as I repeated this holy name of my Savior the light began to flood into me and I could see the forces of darkness disbanding as I spoke it aloud, “I choose Jesus Christ.” In this affirmation of holiness I could feel the angels of mercy aiding me as I asked for a cleansing of any residue of the darkness, as I now focused on the voice of another angel of the CD proclaiming the greatness of the Savior.
And so, through my experience I build my truth, a truth that is measured with my alignment of the Father, “Does it add light to my countenance?”
August 8, 2017 Monday (11:51 pm)
I was just on my knees saying my bedtime prayer, and was pouring out my heart of gratitude for all that our Heavenly Father has showered upon me and as I ended my prayer I heard, “My son, thou art in My heart. Write and I will speak with you.” I gathered my pen and paper and now lay upon my bed writing this and clearing the way as I breathe for a clear channel to hear His words…
“Yes, My son, thou art in My heart as ye continue to choose Me and My goodness that is ready to pour forth upon thee. For even as ye have overcome the cloud of darkness that was upon thee, and was able to muster the slightest amount of desire, even in this ye chose Me, And it was in this choosing that the angels of mercy were able to act in the light of goodness and shine, for Mine light and disperse the cloud of he who fights against Me. For could ye not feel the subtle ease of his deception? Could ye not know the dark and darkness that ever so subtly became thy state of mind, leaving thee unable to even move with desire? Oh My son, oh My children know this, recognize this, and ye can be of a knowledge to fight. To cast off and out all that desire to lead thee from the truth of Mine light and love. For even as ye begin to recognize this then ye can cut off even these insidious mists that cloud thy thinkings and leave thee helpless and hopeless. For even as ye choose and desire Me, then the angels of Mine hand can reach for thee and lift thee up. For could ye not feel these very things as ye called out Mine name? Could ye not feel the flow of light descend to find thee and give thee aide? Oh My son of the morning, ye now know the fight of righteousness that descends.
Oh blessed son, ye have Mine love as ye continue in thy way unto Me, and ye see the goodness of the polarity cycle of righteousness. For even as ye make thy way unto Me, so it is that thy goodness is given its victory in the testing of thy faith and desire of righteousness. For even as ye desire Me, ye beget Me in thy bosom to give thee hope and a desire of righteousness.
Oh My children, My son, continue to choose Me and fight the fight of righteousness. Continue to come unto Me that I might be freed to pour out the blessings of love… the Father and Son of righteousness. Blessed be His name in the oneness of such an order of righteousness that is the glory of All That Is. Blessed be one who can achieve such a state of union. Peace unto thee, My son, peace.”
August 19, 2017 Saturday (7:04 am)
I was just pouring out my heart to the Father in prayer, asking for the Spirit to descend and guide me in what the Heavens would have me to know and the direction for the day. As I was asking I heard, “Write My son and I will guide thee… I will be brief.” The Lord heard and answered my mind silently darting to my time restraints this morning due to helping a sister in the ward jump start her car before rushing off to work. In gratitude I am now breathing and opening my heart further to hear His words …
“Oh My son, thou art in a state of openness and strength as ye use thy tools of power to claim thy strength. For it is in this very action that ye then serve Me. For as ye offer thy heart, in thy power, ye are then able to receive and do all that ye desire… to serve Me in a oneness of desire and will. For often the meekness is lost in the unworthiness felt, but I say unto thee, ‘Own thy strength as ye did this morning and ye own thy power which is in Me. ‘For all that I have, ye do in My name and thus ye act and do in Me. For as ye continue to become one in Me, it is then that the will of man is offered up and becomes the will of God. And in this ye are Mine, and in this ye are God. Can ye not see that in such a oneness ye have the very windows (of Heaven) opened and ye receive all that is asked because ye are in a perfect state of desire, Mine desire. For as the mind is relinquished to the will then ye have true power and strength to act and be one in Me. Ye ask, how to relinquish the mind, and I say unto thee, ‘Ye do as this morning and come with a strength and determination that will not be stopped by the thoughts of doubt and confusion, of the unease of power, of the uncertainty of strength.’ For ye offered thy heart, and commanded through action with divining thy tools of strength. For often in thy submission ye become a weakened man, and ye loose thy will to meekness. And it was in such a strength that ye wielded thy sword with such conviction that the mind could not be wavered in doubt and unworthiness. Can ye not see thy will surging in a strength that is unique, ready to conquer?
Oh My children, ye must balance thy meekness and submission with a will of determination that will give thee the thrust to fight a good fight, and propel thee unto Me. For in this very same power is the love of heart to serve and feel the spirit of love that is Mine. Come unto Me oft and I will guide thee in such matters of will and heart. For as ye make Me thy mark, ye will then have the thrust of power to move thee along thy course to achieve thy goal, oneness in Me.
Oh My son, ye wonder of many and all things that ye should do, and ye are overwhelmed in the many, and then ye hide in a shortness of breath and strength to accomplish all. And I say unto thee, ‘Choose wisely thy focus and ye will be guided in My Spirit. Ye will receive the will of strength to push through that which appears as limitations unto the truth that all can be released and achieved in Me. For let thy focus and desire be of Me and then ye will find thy course and thy strength. Ye have a mind of doubt that must be overcome with the spirit of will, and as ye desire and work on this then ye will achieve all before thee. Relinquish in thy strength, and all is made possible. Oh My son, ye have Mine heart as ye give thine own. And in this is a oneness that man knoweth not, until the day of power where God rules supreme through His Son, and all is made manifest through Me. Rejoice, and receive in Me.”
August 30, 2017 Wednesday (6:33 am)
I was just in a twilight state of sleep, between waking and sleep, watching my dreams jump from scenario to scenario. As I was in this state of observing I decided to come fully into consciousness and read before my busy work day. As I bore my heart and said my morning, “I love you Father.” I heard, “Write My son.” As I confirmed my obedience I heard, “Yes, write I would speak to you.” As I am writing this introduction my mind keeps wondering the topic of the writing as I feel a little anticipation. I begin to breathe to bring forth the flow of words as I release unto the Father in faith…
“Yes My son, I would speak unto thee and say unto thee the things that ye should say and do as ye come forth into the day. For as ye come forth into the day ye shall encounter the strife of man, and ye shall find frustration in thy workings. Fret not in these words of warning, but remember Me in all things that come unto thee and I will surely guide thee through. For even as ye encounter such opportunities to grow in wisdom, ye find thy will and strength. Blessed be he that acts in Me, and in this all things turn unto wisdom and fortitude in thy gait and stride unto Me. For even now as ye give thanks, in thy tracking mind, ye know not that which is upon thee. But ye rally in Me and in this ye are blessed with a mind of peace as ye release and know in Me. For even in this, it is a great opportunity to practice thy strength of observance and attunement unto Me. And in these opportunities ye will be blessed and added upon to find thy will and strength.
Oh My son, of My heart, ye find thyself in a state of anxiousness over the calamities of a world in chaos, and ye find thyself wondering and waiting for the world of thy surroundings to find its self turned upside down. And I say, “Patience, with an assured eye unto Me.” And ye shall find thy way when all begins to shake loose the standings of man. For not only will there be physical shakings, but the mental states of all that was built will be toppled and in this man will begin to find the true self. The self that will be of a nature of animal, or that which will add more light unto him, and in this adding I will be there to receive all that come unto Me. For he knoweth not the wisdom in this for the days of complacency will be past and he will be thrust into the wisdom of the true self, of which will make or break him in his strivings. For the nature of man is revealed at such times. And ye will see the good made strong and the weakness of man made evident. For in all of this is the true nature revealed. For I can hear your wonderings of self. And it is of thy heart of love that will be able to shine forth and thy strength will be made evident, like unto a beacon. For in this crisis ye will shine forth and shine bright, for this is thy makings and this has been thy preparations to serve Me.
Oh blessed son of light, wonder not of thy weakness of comfort but look unto Me and shine as ye come forth into thy strength. For in this ye have been prepared, and unto this ye will be as a shinning son that thou art. Son, worry not of thyself and thy foundation of fortitude, but continually look unto Me in thy mind and heart, and ye shall be guided forth.
Yes, My son, ye must step into thy day and step into the unknown in a faith unto Me. Live thy faith and know Me, even as I am.”
September 9, 2017 Saturday (12:03 am)
I am just going to bed and as I was on my knees, just beginning my prayer and addressing our Father, a jolt of energy shot through me and I heard, “Write, My son.” And then I heard repeat again, “Write I would speak to thee.” It was with these words that I arose from my knees and began to gather my pen and paper, and as I did my mind was swirling with what might be spoken to me. And so it is as I write this introduction I am trying to empty my mind as I begin to breathe. My continuous breathing is grounding me and inviting the Spirit to fill my mind with the flow that streams and fills me…
“Yes, My son, breathe into the Spirit of My love and fill thyself with overwhelming/abundance of Spirit that surrounds thee, and is the evidence of My love and acceptance of thy offering. For even as ye focus upon Me and give thyself in tithes and offerings, and even as ye offer thyself in holy union of fasting it is in these acts that I see and know thy heart and know thy focused mind of determination. For as ye heard, ‘It isn’t suppose to be easy.’ (Fasting) So it is that ye sacrifice thy comfort for a taste of My love, and in this offering ye receive My Spirit which is an offering to reverence Me. For in time ye will know these things that are upon thee and for thee. Oh My blessed son, come before Me in a humbleness of spirit asking for sanctification that ye might be one in Me. And I say unto thee, ‘As ye strive for My grace and so in thy desire to be of Me, and for Me, and in Me, ye receive thy blessings.’ For even as ye make thy sacrifices known before Me, it is in thy attitude of love that I receive thee and know thee. Therefore My son, stay upon thy knees and continue to offer thyself before Me, and ye will see the changes magnified before thee and within thee. In this, My son, ye understand truth and ye begin to receive Me in a heart of sublime obedience. Yea, My son, thy mind is shutting down in exhaustion. Therefore My son, rest well and know the love that flows forth unto thee, even in thy weakness of the temporal body. Blessings My son, as ye rest in Me.”
Just a note for understanding…
I have been attending with the missionaries appointments with an investigator who is learning and studying about the Church. And they challenged her to fast, which she has never done. So I offered to fast with her in showing my support and also to help in my own struggles with fasting. I confided in her that fasting is not easy for me either. Because of dips in blood sugar it seems like I am more focused on my well being than the offering of obedience to the Lord. And so it is that the Lord understands and even extends His arm of acceptance as I struggle and offer my heart to Him.
September 14, 2017 Thursday (8:07 am)
I was just giving praise to the Heavens and asking God into my heart when I heard to write. I pray that my racing thoughts might settle, so that I might become a vessel for the Lord. Breathing for clarity and the flow of Spirit…
“Oh My beloved son, ye seek Me and in this ye are given My word and My love that ye might know the wisdom of the Heavens, and in this is the love of God. Oh ye children of the earth, ye wonder at the wonders and ask, ‘Why and how?’ But I say unto thee, ‘Remember and be redeemed.’ For it is this very redemption that all will be saved up unto Me.’ For even as heaven gives her signs, and the wonder of the woman is seen, doth it not point unto Me? Doth it not point unto the crowned Prince made King? For even as I came unto the lowly, so it is that I still come unto My lowly of humbled spirit. That they might look unto Me in their hour of need, and it is in Me that the redemption of their souls will be given the hour of grace. For, oh world of man, ye have lived out the course of thy days, and it is in this that ye have proven thyself and in this many have proven worthy for My saving grace to be taken up unto Me. For even as the signs are given, so it is that ye must look unto Me to find thy way through the darkness of a fallen world. For as ye look unto the Light of Love, that shineth and reigneth, so ye will see the Lamb of sacrifice, the Holy One of Israel that reigneth under the Light of All Wisdom, the Light and Love of the Father. For even as He hath spoken, so it is that the Heavens will pass away and give Their light no more, but the Light of Love will be the light of man redeemed. For the world of man will fall away and in this will be the light of that which heaven and earth awaits.
Oh ye that seek Me, rejoice in thy hearts and know Me. For soon as ye begin to see great wonders, and even signs, ye will wonder of My coming. But have ye not yet received Me? Am I not in thy bosom to bless thee? So open thy hearts and minds, and know Me even as I am. For even as ye do this then ye have the Light of Love that ye will need to come unto Me fully and without reservation. For he that seeketh findeth, and he that findeth knoweth the love of God. Which love will sooth a heart wounded in a world of falling. For all must fall away to be made new again, and even in this man will be given his reward. Even as ye have given Me thy love so it is that thy hearts will be made pure before Me and in this ye are made ready to be received up unto the Father of All Love. For ye seek the One and in this ye receive Me to comfort and bear up thy burdens unto Him, which is the promise given. For as ye do this, ye come before Me in a humbleness that will give thee grace, and ye are clothed in the holy garments of holiness preparing thee for the Father.
Oh My world of creation, ye yet wonder and ask, ‘When and how?’ And I say, ‘Am I not ready in thy hearts?’ Do ye not recognize My call unto thee? Do ye not know Me in thy hearts?’ To prepare thee to know Me as I cometh unto the world again to reign. For as ye know Me, then ye will reign with Me as My princes and princesses of salvation. And ye will be a part of this great work which the Father hath given Me. So come unto Me offering thy hearts and clothed in meekness, and ye will be of a service unto the Heavens, a service unto the Father.
Oh My son, ye offer thy heart in love and ye suffer in thy afflictions, and as ye do this ye will made pure. Be ye not discouraged in thy weakness, but suffer them well, and blessed will be thy name unto Me. For hold to thy truth and bear the sword of justice, as I come speedily and will soon bear thee up through thy fears and desires. For hath I not given thee such a promise, that I will not leave thee again? So fear not and act in a strength that is yours and given unto Mine own. Oh ye that seek Me, find Me and know My love again. And blessed is he that finds Me, for he/she is thus lifted up unto salvation.”
September 27, 2017 Wednesday (7:03 am)
I just let the cat out and came back to bed, not to sleep but to ponder read and pray. As I snuggled back in under the cover in the morning coolness I had a feeling to write but it seemed an indefinite. I don’t feel very trusting of myself because I have been struggling on so many levels. I have been having feelings of depression, like a heavy weight has been on me. Also I have been struggling emotionally, which was tipped into overwhelm because of a close friend taking offense when offense was the furthest thing from my intention. So I’m not trusting myself nor the process, as I can feel myself shut down, but I submit my concerns to the Spirit just in case my impressions are correct. Beginning to breathe and hoping for the Spirit to make up the deficit in my lacking in so many areas…
“Yes, My son, thou art in the mental and emotional throws of distress and in these very states ye have been thrown into, which ye call, a depression … a state of defused energies unfocused. And in this state ye are as a ship without wind or without ruttier, and are floundering in the thoughts and feelings of overwhelm and worth. For if ye had not been so connected to Heaven ye would have fallen unto the ways of self destruction, and ye would have fallen unto the world in feeling of worthlessness, and a lacking of will. But as ye have called out to Heaven ye are given the grace of thy obedience. And in this is thy life line unto Me. For as ye come upon these times of overwhelm, on so many levels, ye must look unto Me. For what comfort is there in the world? For can ye not see that as ye come unto Me, and are given so much, that the world has no more thy comfort? For as ye have partaken, ye have been awakened unto the wisdoms of Heaven and in this ye have seen the truths to come, and in this is a great weight. Which is a weight unto man, but as ye continue to come unto Me and lift thy burdens up, it is upon thy shoulders not to carry. And I will be as a friend and give thee aide, and in this ye are not left to shoulder thy burdens which are of the world and its outcome. For in this ye are just given a glimpse and ye see the weight of all things to come. This weight is because of thy heart is for man, and in this is the worry and concern. For if this were not so ye would not be so concerned with the feelings of others. Ye would not be so taken with the plight of others, and ye would not feel as deeply and toss about upon the waters of emotions. For this is a blessing and a curse unto those that are not anchored in the Heavens and are tossed about with the cares of a world in kayos. But, My son, ye are of Me and have been hiding from Me because of thy feelings and emotions of overwhelm, and in this ye become tossed about and loose thy faith and footing in thy connections to the Heavens. For in these feelings of overwhelm, ye seek Me not because of feelings of unworthiness to cope, and ye beat thyself up with the weakness of self, thy expectations of self, thy desires and limits of perfection. Can ye not see, My son, that ye are of an expectation of perfection because ye think that is what is required to be connected unto Heaven, unto Me? Even in this can ye not see that ye set thyself up for failure? Because of what man can be perfect before Me? What being of the world of man can be so clean? It is like asking the clothes washed in muddy waters to be of a whiteness of perfection. Can ye not see that thy self-limiting thoughts of perfection cause ye to hide and then builds upon the very feelings/emotions that were in the beginning? It is like chasing the tail of a cat that spins itself to no end.
Therefore, break thy cycle of expectation and performance and see thyself through the eyes that love you. See the man on bended knee to a Heaven of love. See a son who has given his heart unto Me, who is still in the throws of life, which has the imperfections of disease, dysfunctions, and the shame of darkness which is of many levels of worldliness. And then know of the workings of he who fights against Me, who has focused upon My children of light, causes the havocs of a world in distress to fall upon them. And the world wonders why I would allow all this to befall upon them, And I say unto thee, ‘Thy freedom is thy strength.’ For in all thy many ways of afflictions ye know not the love of God. For ye see not the hovering angels accounting and tending. Ye see not the wisdoms to be learned. And ye see not the weeping and joy of God. A God that sees such strife among men and feels the anguish of such sufferings, and yet is in a state of joy that is the state of all loving. For in this state man cannot even know, because it is a state beyond the polarity of singleism. For man is likened unto a strand, of the many, that make up a rope. But God is the rope, encompassing all and beholding the eternal. For in this is the joy and pain of man. And so My son, ye get lost in the pain and see not the joy, as being in the state of humanness which is an imperfect state. So be easy with thy judgments unto perfection. Cease not thy strivings, thy ways unto betterment, but limit thy judgments of self unto falling into feelings of overwhelm and strife against thyself. Lend thy thinkings unto the goodness and wholeness of man and self. Cease the feelings of hopelessness in the impeding doom.
For see the world anew and see that which seems as dread as a blessing and a step unto Me. For even as this must all pass away unto the renewing of itself; even in this ye must release the hardened view of pain and affliction and see the goodness in it. The view of man expressing his light, and in this ye begin to see wisdom. For yes, ye begin to see through new eyes and ye see as the Heavens. For all is expression and creation. So therefore come unto Me and see as God, energy streaming. For one sees light streaming, and the darkness of the world is man streaming defused light, that which he knows until he/she is able to allow more light and lift unto the behavior of that according light. For as ye allowed more light unto thy thinkings ye lifted above the ways of the world and allowed even more light to stream through thy presence. Not to be confused, for in this stream is not a constant but an ebb and flow that is ever changing. For when ye are pulled unto the world thy light changes, and when ye kneel unto the Heavens thy light increases. For when ye see and know light streaming, ye begin to see the view of God. It is the view of the rope with its many fibers and strands; for it is about the light of the individual and the light of the whole. For all is light streaming and as ye begin to see thy own light ye begin to understand the perfection. For the light is the focus and not the individualized thoughts and emotions of a world in distress. For see the light of the world and ye will soon loose the overwhelm of pain, which thy soul becomes burdened and helpless, and falls unto depression which is only a diffusion of light… light diffracted. Oh My son, ye begin to see and ye are lifted up unto the ways of Heaven, and ye are lifted unto the seeing of a perfect God, a perfect Father that allows the pains of the world to be expressed as light. Therefore, see in new ways and with new eyes, and ye see man as he is, ever changing. For ye see in polarized ways seeing man as black and white, good or bad, light and dark, but as ye see with new eyes ye see the streaming light of man that is streaming all. For the view is eternal and the individual man becomes the rope of many strands, where as the world also becomes the rope as the individual becomes the strands of the rope eternal. Can ye not feel thyself already lift? Can ye not see the goodness in such a view? For even in this can ye not see the goodness birthed by thy pain? Be slow to judge and be quick to observe. Even in this ye shall find thy peace, peace of self and peace of others.
Oh My son, see as the Heavens and know peace as ye see a world waning and in the throws of change. Lift up thy heart and see the goodness of light expressed. Oh My son of the morning, know thyself as light and ye will begin to see through eyes eternal, and not fall unto the entrapment of judgments upon thyself and others. Know thyself and be of a peace that is beyond this world, a peace of Heaven.”
October 9, 2017 Monday (in the morning)
I let myself wake up naturally, a day off without an alarm, and my cat was cooperative as she has chosen lately to sleep at my side. As I got up from my reading I started to get involved in my day when I remembered that I had not knelt in my morning prayer. So as I knelt at my bed I immediately had a strong impression to write, and as I put it aside to begin and finish my prayer I received a jolt of energy that shot through my body which I interpreted as to write now. I am apprehensive because of my stress levels are high and I have been hiding out from the Heavens. I pray for a clear flow as I begin to breathe to clear and open my mind…
“Oh My beloved son, thou art continually forgiven because of thy askings and in this ye are made strong in Me, even in thy weakness of the world. For ye say that ye are blind unto the wisdom of Heaven because of thy weakness. But have ye not been given a heart that is in the caring of man? Even as ye take upon thee the cares and hurts of man, know ye this, that I am with thee to show thee the way. For ye stumble in thy desires because ye take on the depth of pain and concern for each situation that comes before thee, and then ye think that that it is upon thee that ye must take the burdens of each. And I say unto thee, ‘Love thy neighbor as thyself enough to know thy limits of service.’ For ye think that ye must take on each before thee. But did I not pass the woman of pain that touched the hem of Mine garment? Did I stop to heal her? No, it was of her very faith that healed her, and it was My awareness of Self that spoke of My energy/light diffused. Oh My brother and son of pain, ye know not thyself; ye know not of thy energies drained unto thy reactions of overwhelm. Ye know not whom thou art and thy limits of self. Yet, ye strive to be of Me, like Me, in thy service. And I say unto thee, ‘Know thyself!’ Know whom thou art and know thyself in thy heart. For in these ye will be given the Spirit to know thy way. For ye thinketh that all pain before thee is to be thy responsibility, and I say, ‘Only that which whispers to thee. For some pain some pain is to be of thee and some pain is to be of others.’ For as ye know this ye begin to see the limits, of desire, before thee and the Heavens. For as ye have spoken, ‘I cannot save the world.’ But it is in thy conflict of heart that has the desire to, and in this ye find thy strength defeated and thy mind lacking the strength to endure all things before thee. Be ye of no concern of thy weakness, but look unto thy strengths to endure the pain of tomorrow. Therefore, My son, do as ye can and must and allow the next follower of light to step into the service of man. Know thyself and know whom thou art, and ye will find the opportunities to serve. And ye will be fed the spirit of knowing the way before thee.
Oh My son of desire, calm thy heart and mind and come unto Me in a perfection of desire, which is different from a perfection of manifestation. For ye thinketh that all must be done, but I say, ‘If ye have the desire, true desire, it is done in thee.’ For ye cannot do all before thy path, but ye can release all to be done unto the perfect desire of intention. If it is in thy heart of desire to help, but not within thy means, it is the same as if it were manifested before thee. For what maketh thee of this? Doth it not free thy mind and heart of guilt? Doth it not free thee to be free?
Oh My wounded son, that taketh on perfection and knoweth not thyself. Ye flounder in thy desire and beat thyself up with thy lacking. For did I not come before thee not to show thee the way from thy guilt to free thee from thy thinkings of pain. So My son, know thyself and be free. Not to save the world , but to save and do that which ye can with a heart of desire that knows thyself and thy light. Oh My son of the morning, know thy light and ye know Me.”
I might take a moment and share with you so you might understand what has been transpiring to warrant the above writing. Over the last few weeks I have been feeling not only the pains of the world but also the pains of the people ‘in need’ that come upon my path. I have been going in and out of overwhelm and hiding from the Lord through my TV watching. I will get in a good place and then get brought down with a weight that feels like depression. It literally feels like twenty pounds is added to my countenance, and today has been one of those days. Last night a friend asked if I could help out her friend with a place to stay (the second person asking in two weeks) and it pushed me into an overwhelm which sent me spiraling. Feelings that I voiced, “I can’t save the world.” I get so conflicted as I have taken on Christ’s name and want to help others but go into overwhelm when it comes to my living space which is rather small and not set up for another person. And when I have those feelings, I feel guilty as if I should be willing to give my all. So last night’s request upon everything else that I have been carring sent me spiraling. Even after this morning’s, above writing, of comfort and instruction I can’t seem to shake the feeling of weight upon me. That’s what is so confusing, you would think with this special gift and relationship with the Heavens that I would be embodied with strength and a righteousness. I constantly pray for purification, and I question if this is the process? This up and down makes me feel spiritually bipolar and left with feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness and worthlessness. A couple of days ago I texted a friend who’s soul is also conflicted a quoted dialogue that I heard in my TV watching, “Being human isn’t about cutting the darkness out of our lives but about everyday battling to find the light.” Is this the truth I need to understand? Am I in the battle of purification, of salvation… the battle for more light?
I am continually grateful for a loving Father, and His Son, my Savior, that are willing to bend low enough to the physical that I might hear the whisperings of the above writing of comfort. I pray for the strength to endure such a refining process that continues to leave me in a feeling of self-disappointment. Perhaps, I do set the standard high and set myself up for failure, and maybe it’s about accepting myself even when I haven’t yet arrived.
October 16, 2017 Monday (2:35 am)
I just woke up to that cat purring beside me and had an impression to write. It wasn’t very strong and wasn’t a statement, so I am hoping it is the desire of the Heavens and for a clear transmission of thought because I feel pretty foggy. I am beginning to pray and breathe for the flow of Spirit…
“Oh My son, thou art called forth to receive My word and love in this that ye call the twilight hours that ye might know My will and call unto thee…”
Father, I mean no disrespect but this doesn’t seem pure, clean, and clear. And in my questioning state I am beginning to doubt and think that this might be a product of my mind, which is really disturbing to me. Now that I am in this state of mind I am going to stop, because either I am right or I just offended Thee, and in either case am feeling unclear and feeling badly. Now I keep wondering about deception, which is even more upsetting. Trying to decipher what is pure and of God and that which might not be of God. I am spiraling and must go into prayer that I might redeem some understanding and trust, or these spiraling thoughts could shut me down to never trust again this process. A life without this flow from the Heavens would now have a devastating affect on me. Doubt is terrifying to this process…
It is now later in the morning, and I have been focusing on the Lord and praying to the Father for forgiveness; forgiveness for abandoning the twilight writing. In this morning’s contemplations I feel like I am in a more clear state and I asked if the writing was of Him? And I received an affirmative that it was from Him. Feeling badly, I asked in humility and in an attitude seeking forgiveness if He would still like that communication to come forth? If so, I humbly offered in willingness my heart and hand. In this offering I heard, “Yes.” And I immediately began to hear the flow of words pour forth…
“Oh My son, thou art in the throws of doubt and in this ye get lost, and loose thy footing upon Me, and in this ye flounder. For if ye focus upon Me I will never lead thee unto paths of fear and uncertainty. But it is thy mind of oppression and guilt that leads the ego to question thyself, which leads thee into the darkness of doubt. For are ye not of Me? Have I not led thee thus far unto the ways of righteousness? And ye partake and nibble, never feasting, because of thy focus and concerns of weakness in this human condition. Oh ye that are so foolish to have the feast before thee and not partake fully. What must a Lord and Father do to have thee partake fully? What manner of man knoweth not the desire and will of God, to partake fully of what is given? For ye thinketh that ye are weak, and continuously focus upon thy weakness to give thee evidence that ye are not strong enough. And in this ye are subject to thy fears that keep thee bound. For in this ye flounder and remain/lie in thy areas of comfort, and never know thy true strength, because again ye are afraid of whom thou art and thy strength.
Oh ye children of the law that hide out in these areas of darkness wanting yet fearing the light, My light, which is thy strength. But know ye this, that the days are soon approaching that ye will desire this light, thy strength, and will desire but know not how to wield such light. And I say unto thee, ‘Know thyself. Know thy strength and know the light that is given freely unto those that are proven worthy.’ But instead, ye fear and hide behind thy televisions and follies not receiving the fullness that is yours, that awaits but not fully partaken.
Know this, My son, that ye flounder because of thy fear of self, and ye fear because of the human condition, which is the natural man. But I call you forth from your hiding places to be worthy and feast upon the things of the Spirit. Yet, ye hide because ye are afraid to stand alone, to rise above in thy belief and know Me as I am. Oh ye that fear, shake off the chains that keep thee shackled. Cast off thy fears of doubt and shame, and know whom thou art. For have ye not descended from the realms of all Holiness for such a cause, to know thyselves in the worldly realms? And what do ye find? Ye find thyselves cowering in the darkness, hiding from the Light because ye want to fit in and be normal above (more than) the ability to shine so radiant that all will see and know thee as a son or daughter of God, in a world that does not praise holiness. Oh ye world of man, know ye this, that the darkness of shame and fear is soon past as the Light of All Holiness will shine. And that which is not light shall be cast off unto the ways of the Father, which is the next phase of His eternal nature and plan. For in this ye seek safety and in this ye seek Me; but in this very time, that is now, ye hide unto thyselves.
Oh ye children, oh ye son, come forth from thy hiding places and come under Mine arm, which is the same as the wing of the hen. For safety is in Me, and I give the peace that the world cannot give and I giveth thee rest that the world knoweth not. But ye hide as I call, even as thy parents in the garden, because ye are partakers of the tree that giveth thee pleasure and pain, joy and sadness, light and darkness. For even in these, the polarities of life, and the teachers of wisdom. But I call ye forth unto Me, because I have partaken of the cup of bitterness that gives thee wholeness, if ye would yet come unto Me. For in Mine arm is the healing of such that ye might find eternal peace from the waves of the polarities that keep ye tossed. For under Mine arm is the peace that ye desire, but are afraid to partake. Therefore Mine children, cast off the darkness of fear and know Me even as I am. Come unto Me and know the peace of God that is only found in the light of eternity, life eternal.”
In this last statement my mind was opened and I was shown that as we come fully unto Christ it is there that the Tree of Life is, and it its there that all healing is given, which is eternal peace. A prayer spills forth out of me… “Oh depths of my soul free the darkness that keeps me bound, and from leaping into the arms of my Lord, Savior, and King! Let me be free. I cast off the fears that keep me hiding! I cast off my shame that keeps me from Him! I cast off the darkness of the world, which is he who fights against Him, even Lucifer. Oh Father, see and know my heart in this very moment and give me the will and strength to come into Thy arms, and know myself as ye knows me; I cast off the darkness of the world that does not know Thee. Oh Father, give me the strength to know myself.
October 25, 2017 Wednesday (7:00 am)
I woke with pure love flowing from the Heavens through me. In this state of love, I consciously opened my heart, and observed as it filled, while I laid a hand on my cat that was sleeping beside me. It was shortly after that I heard, “Write My son, I will be with thee.” I am now breathing to clear my mind and for the words to formulate and flow as freely as the love. I offer a prayer, “Thy will, oh Father, be done.”
“It is by My grace that I come unto thee, and it is by My grace that the love floweth unto thee, that ye might know My love, My son. For thou hast opened thy heart, and thy will is offered freely, and in this ye are of the Heavens. For as ye/one offers their all unto Me it is then that the Heavens open and offer unto the one All That Is. For as ye receive Me ye receive the Father, and in this is the pureness of all energy and love. For as ye come before the Father ye are of a grace that floweth unto all. For in this is the pure love of all creation, which man comprehendeth not. For this is the eternity made known/realized and in this is the pureness that ye have wept and felt, as ye have wept without limits. For weeping is the mechanism of the body in this pure state of overwhelming love. Therefore all will weep at My feet as ye/they experience the pure love of the Father flowing through Me, of which I am.
Oh world of man, ye knoweth not the pure love that ye truly seek, but ye know only that void that ye try to fill through the earthly and carnal pleasures of a world clothed in polarity of dark and light. Oh world of man, seek ye the light and ye will forgo the instant gratification, for the eternal love that ye yet knoweth not. Oh My son of the morning, ye glimpse and realize this even as ye let this pureness of oneness flow through thee. In this ye begin to know the oneness flow through thee, and in this ye begin to know the Father of All Oneness, which is thy future of grace flowing brightly. Seek ye Me, and in this ye know Me. And are then welcomed unto thy Father of All Love, and eternal glory rebounds in the eternal state of oneness.
Therefore, Mine son, release thy pen and enter into the flow that awaits thee that ye may receive that which is offered so freely unto those that submit their all in a state of love and obedience. Receive Me, My son, and know.”
November 1, 2017 Wednesday (4:10 am)
Over the last hour I have been tossing and turning trying to go back to sleep. I have been praying and asking the Heavens for help, because of the needed rest to perform during this coming long work day. After more than an hour of restlessness I hear, “Write My son.” I am now beginning to breathe to try to clear my frustration so I can have a clear mind for the Spirit to flow…
“Oh My son, ye are of a mind of this frustration and ye think of hopelessness and dread. And I say unto thee, ‘Peace be still, peace be still.” For your storm is a mental one and the waves crashing are causing thee the unrest of anxiety. But is it still not a question of faith? Ye see the issue before thee and it is in the recognition that allows thee focus, and then it is of a mind of power that will behold the change. For ye think that power is in opposition, but I say unto thee, ‘It is in the struggle of opposition that ye fight. And I say unto thee, allow the struggle of opposition to be calmed in the mind and then the physical will follow.’ For the tension of the polarization is the struggle and then builds into a raging storm that beholds the mind. As ye see this then the true path unto peace can immerge. Ye ask how? And I say unto thee, ‘Through the breath ye can achieve the oneness of the polarization, ye must seek to find Me, or that oneness that is needed.’ For as ye seek peace this is the answer unto all the woes that plague Mine children. For even as ye are of distress it is the distance between peace and frustration that must be traveled and bridged. For the span of peace and frustration might seem a distance of eternity, but it is through the breath that ye can bring them into a oneness that ye can find peace. For ye think that peace is outside the arena of frustration, or whatever the polarization, but I say unto thee, ‘That it is within the source that the peace is found.’ And this is the trouble of mankind, for a person of issue seeks to disable the source of the issue to find peace, or even runs from the source in thinking the removal of distance will cause freedom of the source. But I say unto thee, ‘The answer is not in the removal but in the opposition found within the issue.’ In other words, a man/person tries to run or remove, but it is in the running to that the answer is found. For ye think now of snakes and thy fear, which is great, and if ye run will ye still not fear the snake around the next turn? Will ye still not seek removal or to run? But I say, ‘Move into the fear and it is there that ye find the peace.’ For this is a foreign concept for man and mankind, which is the root of all the turmoil in the world. For opposition desires removal, but it is in the peace of the opposition, or issue, that ye find freedom. For this is the great mystery of life that man cannot see. For ye think that removal brings peace, but I say that removal brings separation which does not give thee rest or peace. For ye now think and ask of the binding of the wicked one, and ye wonder and question. For ye wonder if it is not through My power that the removal (casting out) is made? But ye understand not, that the opposition is the balance but man sees only separation. For ye now see My life of casting out, and ye question and wonder of truth? And ye hear the words but understand not the concept in its entirety. For in the immediate one must act and sometimes temporary removal is the necessary step. But do ye think that the binding of the wicked one is achieved through removal? Nay. This process is achieved by focused love. For as ye focus thy grace upon Me and the Father, it is through His eternal love the one becomes One in Him, and in this is the opposition bound. As I have taught earlier in thy teachings, ‘There is no opposite in peace, and no separation in opposition to achieve peace.’ For man still seeks removal, but it is in the inclusion that man will find that which he seeks. For misunderstand Me not, one does not take on wickedness to be righteous. But one must focus upon righteousness that binds wickedness in the power of love. For do ye think that darkness will not exist in righteousness? Nay. For darkness will not exist because there is no focus upon it. For thus is a law of Oneness that ye yet cannot see but still exists. But in time, My son, ye will not only understand but experience this very law. But until that day, that ye abide the law, know this that the opposition will hold the peace. And the peace is traveled to through the breath of acceptance.
Oh, your mind wants to carve holes in this truth because it yet cannot understand. So faith, My son, until ye knoweth for thyself the truth that I hold before thee, and ye cannot yet comprehend. Worry not for the babe is not quite ready, but as ye watch, and observe, ye will soon be ready to open thy mind to new understanding. Fear not, nor judge not thyself in this for ye will grow into the truth, and then in time know all things. But until that day observe and practice thy breath into the oneness of opposition. Fear not and doubt not the truths before thee, and judge not thy readiness. For am I not, and is He not the Father unto which ye seek? Oh world of man, know this and ye know the peace that ye seek. Know this and ye know the love that ye desire deep but cannot fill because ye surrender not unto the truths of separation and oneness.
Oh blessed one, can ye now find thy frustration? Nay, because it is a matter of focus. Not that it does not exist, or even, or can be mustered forth, but as of now ye are focused upon truth. And in this is the light and love of God made physical in thee. Know this and ye conquer all before thee. Rest, My son, and know peace.”
Here I might share some insights and life circumstances that are culminating with the above writing…
A dear friend, who has been a standard of love and support for me through my adult years, recently reached out to me. She was seeking input with a tragic situation in her own life, where her friend’s sixteen year old daughter committed suicide. As she is trying to comfort her friend with teachings of gospel principles such as the eternal family, that she will always be her mother even in the next life, and the atoning love of the Heavens. So my friend came to me, reaching out to see in my own experience of suicide and in my relationship with the Heavens if there was anything that I could add to her attempts of solace. I asked my friend to give me some time as I pondered and sought any input from the Heavens. It was the next morning as I was waking up that I woke up in a state of clarity, and I became aware in a sequential manner of combined thoughts and images, and awareness of this troubled soul that ended her life. I saw her in darkness and huddled, and with this view I was aware that she was still caught in her own pain that was now compounded with the taking of her own life. As I continued to stay open as an observer, I became aware that she was turned away from the light in feelings of unworthiness because of her actions. Even with the attempted guidance of loving beings of the light, she remained isolated and alone, rejecting her opportunity to find the relief she needed in the light. It was like I was receiving insights that were not spoken, as I then became aware of her need for our prayers. In this, I wondered why the Heavens with all of their power and insight would need our continued help. And the insights of awareness continued to flow to me as I perceived the laws of Heaven still in affect. I understood again the sacredness of ‘free agency’ and how this great law of love and respect continues even in the life following the earthly. And here in this young girl’s experience was the law being observed as she rejected the hands of comfort as she was blinded by her self focus. I understood that her continued darkness wasn’t about some banishment from God for the act of suicide, that other churches or cultures might teach, but a self banishment as she now felt the weight of her actions and her loss. It was in this openness of observing that I was told to send with prayer… butterflies. Yes, butterflies. It sounds a little crazy as I try to explain spiritual direction with our limited earthly view, but it made perfect sense as it was related to me. Yes, unexpected and unusual, but perfect sense as my mind opened to the awareness of the Heaven’s intent. Through our prayers we can help with praying images of butterflies to her that would distract her from her self loathing, she would become enamored with her focus on the butterflies and through them be led into the light of love, that she was now rejecting. With this view of healing, I became aware that perhaps there is more of a integrated relationship between earthly life and after life. And how they can subtly influence each other with our prayers and our intention. Even now as I write I am enlightened with the thoughts of how we as Latter-day Saints know this relationship so very well. This relationship of Heaven and earthly, this bonding that is a significant part of our doctrine with even ordinances performed on behalf of the dead. This relationship which is eternal, which is even part of our scriptures as spoken by the Heavens, “This is My work and My glory to bring to pass the eternal life of man.”
So, as I continued to ponder this tragic situation of pain and grief, I remembered, reading years past an account of a near death experience. Shortly after my own personal death experience, as I recounted in the “The Beginning” of this blog, I began to read books on NDE’s in trying to find some resolve and truth in the countless shared experiences. I still remember this one account was of someone witnessing a realm in the spirit world of people who had committed suicide. The experience’s visual was of Christ standing above each person, and the person in pain wasn’t able or willing (I’m not sure) to look up and see Christ desiring to bless them with His love. So it seems with my granted insights, of this young girl, that this might just be the very case.
It’s so interesting and fascinating, how our lives are weaved together by experiences, and how the Heavens are so very present even when we are the least aware. I can scan the years and see the linking of experiences that ebb and flow when we need them. Long ago, I read a book that shares this realm of pain that has Christ standing above each person, and then the truth emerges decades later as I see this young girl in pain. And then before my friend reaches out I receive this above writing in which Christ is speaking to me of polarization and opposition, and how in every situation that we must, “Seek to find Me.” To find Him, to experience, and achieve a oneness of peace. I continue to connect the dots of experience and see how for a couple of years my prayers have been of being one with the Heavens, having a oneness with our Heavenly Father and with Jesus Christ, and now I am being taught by my Lord Jesus concepts of oneness and how to find peace in a world of polar opposites.
In all of this, I am in awe of a Heaven that is so open and so attentive to our needs. Perhaps we should not be so quick to judge this very realm of pain that cannot see Christ offering His hand. How many times have I wondered if there was no answer to my prayers? And how many times have I felt earthly pain and could not see His out stretched hand? And as I journeyed, could I see how the past teachings and experiences of the East were preparing my mind for an openness for these very teachings of today? I pray that I, that we, might have our minds and hearts opened so that we might be enamored with butterflies prayed to us.
“I pray, oh Father, that we might find a oneness in Thee that we might learn the true peace offered of Heaven while yet in the polarities of earth.”
November 12, 2017 Sunday
I am continually amazed at how the Heavens allow us to be a part of a larger plan. It’s like viewing the putting together of a puzzle, you see the individual pieces of the overall image but it isn’t until the pieces are placed together that you begin to see the bigger picture. And how grateful I feel to be a piece or two positioned for a larger plan; the workings of the Lord’s bigger picture.
It has been over a week since my friend, C., reached out to her friend, the mother of the passed daughter, and told her what I had sensed about her daughter. I was at first, concerned if it would add more stress upon her grief, but C. said she responded positively. So now we were all on the same page, praying and imagining, the daughter in self imposed darkness, surrounded by butterflies. C., my friend, also shared with me that she had read a book of a doctor that had a life after death experience, and he related in his book that in his experience of Heaven that he saw fields of effervescent butterflies. She went on to also share a movie that she saw where the young boy, the central figure of the movie, told of his death and of Jesus meeting him and providing the things that comforted him to help him feel safe. So in all of this, we were in a combined effort of praying butterflies to her.
It was on Wednesday early morning about one o’clock that I was kneeling in prayer asking for blessings of many in need. As I mentioned, the young girl of focus, that is when I felt a lightness come over me, like a weight had been taken from me as I knew that this young girl had gone into the light! And simultaneously as this weight lifted I heard, “Tell my mother that I am well.” These were joyful words to my heart as tears of gratitude streamed. It was difficult to wait to share this joyful news with my friend, but as I did she too had the same feelings and even saw light in her dreams, which spoke to her that her friend’s daughter was now in the light. I love how the Spirit bore witness to each of us, and how we can feel a pure love for others, as the oneness of the Heaven’s love for even one soul was felt.
This was the main focus of this past week, but even in this there were side experiences that speak of the Heaven’s being open. It was this past Thursday that I had a scheduled dentist appointment for a cleaning and exam. On the drive to my early morning appointment I listened to my Nathan Pacheco CD as my heart was flying with the good news of light. In my praises of gratitude which coincided with the singing that made it was hard to stay grounded in my driving. As I arrived early the door to the office was still locked so I took a seat on a bench in the hallway. It was shortly after, that the small framed doctor came hurriedly from the stairwell, she opened the door to the office and invited me in. I patiently waited as she began to ready herself for my appointment and for the other office staff to arrive. It was after my x-rays that she came in and began the exam of my teeth, and it was as she was huddled over me that I began to feel her anxiety. Anxiety, not about my teeth or the exam, but a hidden anxiety in her personal life. As I was sensing her, I then heard the Holy Spirit say, “Tell her that everything will be ok with her son and husband.” I was surprised! There with my mouth open wide I wondered if she was even married or had a son? I have been going to her for years but we had never talked on a personal level. So I was left wondering, now in my own anxiety, as the exam continued and I tossed around the what if’s. It was when she had completed the cleaning and exam, and my mouth was closed and able to talk, that I mustered the strength and asked her if she had a husband and son? She answered in her heavy Vietnamese accent that she did, which I felt some relief, and I then began to share what I felt and heard. It was as I shared that I noticed her fighting the tears as she shared that she was so worried on the drive to the office and prayed the whole way that her son and husband would be ok. She further explained that her husband was home with her son who has autism and her son was having issues. She thanked me, expressed her relief and said that this had made her day. I think we both were in a little shock as I began to leave, but she did share before I went through the door that she was watching a program on TV the night before, called the ‘Long Island Medium’, where she watched and wished for an experience like she witnessed. Since that time I have wondered about her thoughts as she received an answer to her prayers. As for me you can imagine, my heart was soaring to be used again by the Lord to answer the prayers of someone in need. I often secretly wish for translation in this life, to be in a perfected body that cannot experience death. Without worry or fear of death, how freeing that would be, then to be able to tirelessly serve the Lord’s holy purposes. I wonder, how much desire one needs to become like one of the three Nephites of the Book of Mormon? I do know this, that it is a joy and a humbling blessing to be used by the Lord for His purpose… to answer the prayers of a concerned mother as she rushed off to work.
As I had that incredible week of spiritual experiences, I guess the law of balance was in effect. As I had the Heavenly shining down it was countered by some pretty crazy experiences that left me wondering of the workings of Heaven and of darkness. I should probably share so that you can understand my questioning mind and the influences of all realms upon us.
It was a week ago last Friday, the day after my experience with my dentist, that I was at the home of a client… yes, setting up Christmas in their home already! This family is a wonderful family that I have become close to over the years as I have decorated their home for Christmas and for other social events. And as usual as I entered through the door the mother, and wife, had everything neatly laid out so I could have an easy access and a view of what I wanted to choose from for that year decor. So all was going as it had in years past, working while having great conversation which usually was based on social which eventually ended up on the spiritual. Often times the father, and husband, would be there too and we would discuss everything from financial to the rapture. Both the wife and husband’s fathers were ministers in the protestant faith, so it always lead to some interesting conversations over glasses of wine. Years ago they would offer a glass of wine and I would partake with them, I have to admit that they would always have a great bottle of red wine, which I can still taste even after all these years of being without. It’s going on five years ago, that I explained to them that I had returned to the LDS faith and was now abstaining from the wine, which was no problem to them at the time. But I find it amusing that every year since he is always trying to get me to drink with him. This year’s comment was, “Come on just a little drink won’t hurt.” As I replied with a smile, “Yes it would.” So as I decorated, the home was filled with Christmas music and excitement as she watched it come together. The husband was due home soon and she decided to run an errand for more lights and lunch. So she drove away leaving me alone as I continued my progress layering the ornaments on the tree while the music filled the room. It was within a few minutes of her driving off that I heard something fall in the other room and I went in to see if some garlands that were laid out on the counter waiting to be used had slipped off the slick marble countertop. But as I surveyed the situation I couldn’t see anything out of place and I shrugged it off and went back to decorating the tree. She soon arrived home with a cranberry turkey sandwich for each of us and the additional lights to be added to the tree. As we were having an in depth conversation and I was answering questions about our ‘Mormon Temples’, we both were stopped in our conversation as we both heard something fall and then heard the breaking of glass. We stopped and walked into the same room, that I had examined earlier, and we saw nothing. I went back to finishing up the tree as she continued to search other rooms for what caused the sound of breaking glass. As she came back into the room with a look of puzzlement, it was then that I shared that I heard the same sound earlier without the sound of breaking glass. These odd events took us back again into conversations of the Spirit world, belief in ghosts, and more questions and answers about my LDS faith. It was then that she was trying to get the music to play on the Boise system that we had been listening to all morning, but now it wouldn’t play. At this point I somewhat jokingly said, “You might want to call your preacher dad and have the house blessed.” She then confided that she personally didn’t believe in ghosts, but she had never experienced anything like this. As she was still in a state of puzzlement. It was then that her husband came home and we exchanged greetings, as he kept the tradition and poured his glass of wine and sat in one of the comfortable chairs in the living room to watch as I was finished decorating the tree. Between sips he jokingly gave advice to what the tree needed. As I and his wife would tease him back to being a spectator designer. It was then that his wife asked him if he could get the music to play. He got up tinkered with the Boise system and confessed he didn’t know what was wrong and this had never happened, but it wouldn’t play. So he then went into the other room and put on the central music system that played throughout the house and soon we were listening to the sounds of Christmas again.
I finished the living room, and then we migrated into the kitchen and family room where we originally heard the breaking of glass, and we began to work our magic on the room. It was here that friends stopped by to visit and the atmosphere became festive as the wine continued to pour and I became the entertainment as they sat and watched me pull the decorations and the room together. And again I was somewhat joking as I again suggested, “A visit from dad”, as now the second music source stopped playing the holiday CD’s. Even though the atmosphere remained light, the wife and I were the ones carrying the full picture of the afternoon which left us in a state of puzzlement.
It was as I returned home after the long day, that I was left wondering of the day’s experiences. And it was as I went to bed that the last experience of the day sent me into confusion and fear. As I was walking down the hall into my bedroom I heard the clear and distinctive ting of the string of shells hanging in my entry. With this being the finale experience of the day, and in my own home, it began to unnerve me. As I laid in bed praying and seeking some understanding. I then became aware in my mind that I was the common denominator. A bit ironic that all day I kept saying to the wife, “It’s not me!” and then to realize it was about me. I continued to question and wonder all through the next work-day, being Saturday, when this following writing came in an answer to my questioning mind.
November 12, 2017 Sunday (6:42 am)
I woke up and have been in bed pondering and need to start getting ready to take one of our newer convert members, who just moved into another Ward, to his new Ward and get him introduced to his new congregation. As I need to start getting ready, not to be late, but I keep having a feeling to write. I am concerned about the time, but never wanting to miss an opportunity, or even shut down a request and command to write. So I begin breathing for clarity and the flow…
“Yes, My son, I know of thy concerns and timing, but it is of thy well-being of questions that ye ask, and it is in this well-being that I come unto thee. For ye ask of the concerns of the manifestations of the unseen and if there are connections to the Heavens? And I say unto thee, ‘Your timing does not have the time, but I say, that Heaven does not play or manipulate such things. And in this, it is not of Heaven.’ But ye inquire and in time ye should know the workings of such things made known. Therefore, My son, know that ye are safe in the Spirit of Love. And ye are to know, in your time, these things that concern thee. Go forth to serve and ye will be in My care. Blessings as ye go forth.”
Later, Sunday evening, (11:50 pm)
I was just kneeling, after a long day, in my bed time prayer and as I was praying I heard, “Write and I will bless thee.” As I am now breathing to prepare the way…
“Yes, My son, ye are blessed to be of such a time that ye should hear My word unto thee. For even as I speak, and ye hear, I would that ye understand the things pressing upon thy mind. For ye wonder the things of the mind vs. the evil one, and thy ability of influence. And it is here that ye should know the influences are limited, as ye think of such wisdom. For as man thinketh, it is only an influence that causes thee to think of unwanted things that disrupt thy thinking mind. For as he (The evil one) observes, it is in the observation that is the influence and then intention made manifest in thy mind. For even so is the influence of Light, as a man is left unto agency. For as ye open unto the wisdoms of one, then it is only the influences that are open to, for in this is the wisdom of agency maintained. For the influences follow intention. For as ye open unto Me, then it is only influence that the evil one has, and as one might open unto him then the Light of Christ calls out as only an influence. And in this that ye are of a nature of concern, but in this ye have a good reason, as ye have come to see thyself as the common denominator in these varied and uncommon experiences. For as ye can, and do view thyself, thy intentions are pure and ye are of Me in this, and ye are one of Me in this. Ye have even questioned thyself through the years, wondering of deception and source of these very writings. And I say unto thee, ‘Question no more My voice. And question no more thyself.’ But do question, why these manifestations are happening. For as ye look ye can only see the view of the earthly perspective, and in this it is limited. But there is so much more that ye cannot see. Let Me say unto thee, ‘As one comes unto Me and begins to carry more and more light, this is an attraction on other planes of existence. And so it is with thee.’ For as ye move through thy life, ye carry now My light, and in this ye draw the Heavens unto thee and even the realms of darker energies. And in this ye have no fear, for even as ye walk in My light so ye have all power over darkness. And in this ye know thy will and thy strength. For even as ye walk into a room, thy light will cause a disruption if there is darkness. And in this the evil ones are annoyed and even cause the limits of their abilities to be shown. Even in this ye have no fear, because ye are of Me, and in this ye have all power and wisdom to be a servant and foe (Foe, unto the evil ones). So ye are in this as a warrior of light, and in this ye receive the might and power of thy sword of truth, which is a very part of thee.
For as ye encounter such manifestations, give them no heed, as ye then can focus upon the true and everlasting light which is of the Father, in which is now thy focus and attraction. Therefore, My son, respond not to the manifestations of trickery and intimidation, but focus upon Me, Jesus thy Lord of light and love, and in this ye will not be detoured from thy course. So, be of a steadfastness that cannot be moved, and in this ye have all power even in this which is before thee. Ground thyself in My love and ye have no fear.
Oh My son, shirk not thy responsibilities because of the presence of darkness. For darkness will always be, even as ye learn to focus upon the light of the Father. Therefore, fear not nor shrink not in thy efforts, even in these strange, yet known, ways of intimidation. Blessed art thou Mine son, even as ye come before Me in thy weakness and thy strength. Blessed are ye.Therefore, Mine son, go forth armored in righteousness, and ye have no fear.”
November 23, 2017 Thursday (8:25 am)
It’s Thanksgiving day and I am allowing myself to sleep in, as I am waking up in the oneness of the Lord’s love. Laying here and fading in and out of this world when I hear, “Write My son.” I am now breathing and clearing away the fog of drifting realities…
“Yes, My son, I would speak unto thee on this thy day of thanksgiving and rejoicing in the love of family and friends. For even as ye know the will of the Heavens made manifest in thee, that ye should come before Me in all humbleness and receive a oneness of blessing. That ye might know Me, even as I am. For behold the wonders of a world hidden from man, and in this uniting of desires ye see the beauty of all things.
For the world seeth pain as a cursing, but it is in pain that ye know joy. And it is in the duality of the nature of God that man cannot see. For man thinketh that their God is only of joy, but yet man cannot see the tears of sorrow which is shed for the children of man, because of their lost ways unto themselves. For how would the joy be known without the sorrow? But it is within Me that all emotion floweth unto a oneness of all creation. For man knoweth not these wonders, and he tries to avoid one and isolate the emotions of the heart. Where in the reality of God all emotion is in a oneness of experience. Even as there is pain, there is joy, even as there is sorrow there is joy, and even as there is joy there is the polarity of all emotions that flow. For man thinketh that it is in the cutting out and running from that the goodness of life is found, but what is there in one without the polarization of the scale of opposites? For man runs from the pain of life to try to hide from its bite, but man knoweth not that they are one. For even as ye experience joy and happiness, the experience of sadness and pain is there also. But man is isolated in the singularity of experience.”
I am now seeing through the experience of an enlightened mind, as the Lord shows me a rainbow, and understanding is flooding into me. If I understand, the rainbow holds all spectrum of color, and yet we see through this spectrum the various tonal qualities of color through a singular view. For example, grass is green, the sky is blue, and all of the colors of hue are made within the total spectrum. And so it is with our emotions, the rainbow is joy and holds all the emotions of man.
“Yes, My son, even as ye have seen ye have been enlightened unto Me. For even as a man knoweth this ye begin to understand the nature of God. For I am the rainbow which holds, even as All That Is. Oh My son and children, ye knoweth not the joy in all things, because ye are overwhelmed in the singularity of life. As the grass is green, is there not the rainbow? Even as there is pain, is there still not joy? Perhaps with this ye can begin to find thy way, not by running away, but moving into so that ye know the oneness of God. Yes, My son, thy mind sees the many variable ways in which man holds these truths, but in distorted ways that are held in shame and even wickedness. But still the truth is present, even as it is used in ways that are not for the productiveness of man or the self. Yet the minds, of these that are considered ill, have found a shred of truth and have twisted it unto the way to serve their pain. Can ye not see that there is truth present in all things? For man and the evil one takes truth and manipulates it, but is the base still not truth? Oh My son, thy mind is enlightened in this, and with this, ye can begin to see the spectrum of all. When ye perceive sadness, there is happiness waiting. When there is anger, there is peace waiting. When there is irritation, it is within this very spectrum of anger and peace, just as there is black, white, and grey. Can ye now begin to see the variables of the hues of emotion. And just as there are tones and shades, there are the many variables within the spectrum of the hue. So, My son, can ye now begin to understand, the oneness and singularity is the reality of God?”
My cat has begun meowing for her first meal of the day, and to have some peace and focus it felt permissible to excuse myself from the writing to feed her. But even as I move and walk down the hallway, I feel tethered to God and my experience. Even as I talk to her, pet her, and open the can of food, I feel like a hue of the rainbow and a connection to the Heavens. In all of this my mind feels enlightened and I am seeing the practice of oneness. My mind feels light and is flooding with concept and thought, as I am reminded that I have been practicing this for years without this awareness. In my journeys of spirit, when I have been shown how to split my self and awareness and to be in two places of experience, this has been a practice of oneness. I have even taught my meditation class how to be in our personal inner temples while also being and operating in the world, this too was a practice of oneness. And now my mind is brought back to the concept of the rainbow and emotion, and I see emotion more clearly as I have ever seen it. I am grasping the spectrum of polarity, which are all principles of oneness. I am also beginning to glimpse, as one understands this it frees the person, myself, to have freedom of whatever the experience. To be able to move instead of feeling isolated and having feelings of being stuck. I am thinking of many people that I know who are suffering in pain and I ask, “Father, how might one move within these spectrums of the emotional and mental rainbow?” And in one word and thought my body was sent a jolt of energy that shook my body with the answer, “Light.”
“Yes My son, it is in this very way of light that one can manifest the change within the spectrum of polarity. For am I not all light? And am I not the way unto all truth and light? For in this, My son, why would one seek light and not seek Me? For I am the answer unto all the ills of the world. In this is My hand extended, but not all, who will see, see Me in My love. And have you not been witnessing and experiencing through helping the young one of death, thy niece of emotional pain, and even as ye have seen this very same darkness in thy own life… the darkness of blindness. This blindness of darkness is one when one cannot see the light of My love, Mine hand waiting to lift into and through light.”
Again my mind is enlightened and I see this principle of oneness and the spectrum. I am seeing how with any truth, one can try to use it and manipulate it on his own, but then I also see and then begin to ask, “Why are we trying to manipulate things on our own when the light that we are trying to work with is of the Heavens, which is the source of all? So why do we not turn to the Source and receive?” It seems to make more sense to work with Jesus Christ and the Father, the Source. Perhaps it is taking light and the principle of oneness, and through the Source, the Heavens, the Godhead of the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit that we work in tandem. Working in the name of and taking hold of the truth and light, and working the spectrums of oneness. In our pains of the world calling out to the Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, and allowing the Holy Spirit to bring forth the truth and knowledge of light. Allowing light to be used to move us along the spectrums of polarity. No longer being overwhelmed without hope as we see and experience our pains of the world in an awareness of joy.
“Oh My son, oh the world of man, for this is My hope unto all, that ye would receive Me. And in this is the light of the world, which is in Me, and through Me. That ye might see the truth before thee, and that ye might see things and Me, even as I am. Therefore come unto Me, and I will give thee unto the truth, even these truths of Heaven and light.”
It might seem like the Heavens have been quiet because of the lack of input onto the pages of the blog, but it has been just the opposite. I have been inundated with experiences of some which I can speak and of others that I have said I would not share to respect and protect those involved. Through all of this experience is the beauty of serving others and in turn serving the Heavens. I am in continual awe of how the Lord places those that He uses, His servants, in the paths of others to fulfill His purpose in both the one giving and the one receiving. I am beginning to see when the scriptures speak, “The course of the Lord is one eternal round”, and how this might very well be part of the ‘oneness’ that the Lord is continuing to teach me. For as I have been in His service using His priesthood to cast out evil, to being a support to someone in need, to voicing a kind word, in sending off missionaries and welcoming new, to the release of being the Ward Mission Leader, and to receive a new calling of responsibility in being the ward’s (congregation’s) new Sunday School President of which all have been a part in this silence and His service. Let alone the secular, of running of a small retail business during the hustle and bustle of the holiday season… in all of this are lessons learned.
“The course of the Lord’s eternal round”, in those few words is the truth of His oneness. For only through enlightened eyes can one begin to see the wisdom of service, His service. Can man see the eternal round as the giver receives from the receiver? Can man see the concentric influence of love flowing forth? Can we see the beauty of All That Is, the source of all truth? I may not yet be able to see the layered veils of a Heavenly view but I can sense through the feelings of a heart given in love to be used for service. I can feel the oneness of love, His love, as He begins to use me to further His work. It is in this kind of love that keeps me desiring more of Him; and it is in this love that seals me to Him. In this bond of righteousness is a growing desire to be one in His work as my mind thinks again of the freedom of life given unto translation. Perhaps it is only in this blindness of His love that a mere mortal can even hope and wish for such a gift, but the scriptures bear testimony of this gift given. And the seeds planted deep in my heart continue to sprout with such a desire to serve. In this spirit of desire and love, one is blinded to the weaknesses of the natural man to even consider such a gift given. And perhaps this is why, when asked by the Lord in the Book of Mormon, the three Nephites were afraid to utter the desires of their hearts. It was in this spirit of love and service that this next writing was given.
December 5, 2017 Tuesday (11:30 pm)
I was just finishing my bedtime prayer when I had an impression to write, but I wasn’t sure. So I was asking for verification as I was crawling into bed, as I heard, “Write My son.” Which was delivered with a jolt of energy that ran through my body to dispel any question. As often the case, I am a little anxious of what will follow but I call forth my trust as I begin to breathe to clear my mind for the Spirit…
“Yes My son, I have asked for thee to write that ye might know the wisdom of the Heavens, even in this that ye ask. For ye wonder of thy askings and I say unto thee …”
A cloud of sleepiness came over me and I woke up with my head on the sheet next to my writing paper. I am disappointed in myself as I continue to phase in and out. It keeps happening as I now am really upset with myself as I seem to have no control in my exhaustion. In my frustration I am tempted to put the pen down out of respect for the Heavens as I offer a quiet prayer, “Father I am sorry.” As my mind is swirling with dream like images as I continue to fade in and out caught between worlds.
It’s now 5:21 am…
I just woke naturally and opened my heart in prayer asking forgiveness for my exhaustion last night. And while asking I heard a clear, “Write and I will bless thee.” So pen is in hand again and breathing to clear the morning fog to allow the flow to begin once more …
“Yes My son, because of thy heart of faithfulness I will bless thee that ye might hear and know the wisdom spoken, and in this ye receive the blessing of oneness. For even as ye hear Me ye begin to know Me, and in this is the blessing that ye seek. For ye have been on thy knees seeking Me, loving Me, praising Me, and in this has not thy heart been opened unto Me? And has not the love of Heaven been felt? For did ye not even know the tears of Heaven as we wept together in the joy of oneness? For even as ye and the veil were pierced, did ye not feel My presence? Oh My son, ye begin to know Me even as I am. For when there is such a love My presence cannot be withheld. And even in this ye are called to improve and surrender that one day ye might receive Me in a completeness of joy. For yes My son, I hear your petitions of desire to serve Me and I say unto thee, “Serve where ye stand.” And in this ye will receive all the blessings that ye seek. For ye seek the blessing of translation, and did ye not receive the knowing of its progression? For as ye stand steadfast and unwavering in thy faith, ye will begin the process of change. For was thy mind not opened and did ye not perceive the truth in My blessing of all, save three of My American apostles?( See 3 Nephi, chapter 28 of the Book of Mormon) For as ye caught this truth ye begin to understand that the change is a gradual progress of desire, and the change unto death is in a twinkling of an eye. So stay thy course and continue to serve Me, and as ye do this ye begin to lay the course unto Me in a progression that will serve thee and My will for thee. Oh My son, can ye not see that it is in desire of the heart that one begins to receive Me? So continue to serve Me and desire Me, and in this I will continue to open the Heavens and show Myself until ye are ready to receive Me in that bright day. Stay steadfast in thy weakness and in time thy weakness will be thy strength unto a complete salvation. Can ye not see that all is in progression as ye continue to come unto Me? Continue on, My son, and know that I am with thee, even in this that ye seek. Therefore Mine son, relax and enjoy as ye find joy in thy journey unto Me. Blessings as ye journey on and bless My children in thy service.”
I might preface this writing… because of its nature, I always wonder if I should share the sacred. But I have chosen to live my life on these open pages, and in so doing have decided to stand as a witness of an open Heaven that is willing to bend so close to answer my/our needs. For those that know me, I think you know me well enough that I share not in an attitude of boast but out of my true desire to be that very witness.
December 18, 2017 Monday (9:15 am)
I’m taking a day off even in this busy time of year, though I do need to go into work and take care of a large display window that was broken by vandals. But before I head in I was sitting at my computer and returning messages. It was as I was taking a moment to put on one of my favorite CDs, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir’s, ‘The Requiem’, and as I returned to the computer I had an impression to write. Then directly followed was an energetic jolt to my body, which led me to obedience and to gather my pen and paper to me. With curious thoughts of what today’s subject might be, I began to breathe to clear my mind and allow the Spirit’s invitation…
“Oh My blessed son, ye have the wisdom and the glory within thy grasp and yet ye hide from Me still. For even as ye labor in thy efforts, which is pleasing unto Me, ye still hide from Me. Because of this and thy exhaustion, ye turn to relaxation and the television, and in this ye loose thy faith and light. And in this I hear thy thoughts of content; which is not bad. But can ye not see that a life lived in these ways is still a life of hiding? Can ye not see that in this exhaustion ye loose thy connection unto Me? For as man has become accustom to modern values, it is in these very ways that they hide from Me. Should not thy exhaustion lead thee to thy bed? But ye say, ‘That the exhaustion is mental.’ And I say unto thee, ‘Then come unto Me that I might give thee rest.’ Ye know thy truth.”
“Yes, Father, I do hide from the world, my worries and my cares through my TV time.”
“And ye hide from Me.”
“Oh Father, there is a sadness deep within me that wants to bubble up.” (As I can feel a sinsation of sadness in my body and become aware of its need for release.)
“Yes, My son, that is the sadness that ye have long avoided, the core and beginning of all sadness, which is the root of all unrighteousness. And in this ye must breathe to find thy way… breathe My son and I will be with thee. Even thy Elizabeth.” With those words my tears are beginning to flow…
“Father, I love Thee.” keeps repeating in my mind as I even voice it out loud in response to His words that keep repeating to me, “Thou art Mine.” I am left in awe as I contemplate and am still radiating the light of His love. How do I capture in words the magnitude of the healing that just took place? I am going to try as it is still fresh upon me, that it might serve as a personal witness and inspiration for me when the light is not so bright.
The words of my voice crying out through my tears, “Don’t leave me.” With my arms raised high, as I heard, “Thou art Mine.” That was the ending scene of my hour long healing session with the Heavens. I am now left with the same exhilaration, wonderment and exhaustion, as I would experience when I would lie in ‘my Elizabeth’s’ office years ago and she would coach me in healing breath work. And I even heard her sweet voice today as she continues to be my coach. Her sweet and gentle words of comfort as today she encouraged me with the words, “Stay with it W., keep breathing.” And her sweet kiss to my forehead as I finished, with success, all that the Heavens had gifted me. How do I capture the awe of the experience? As even now the experience feels like a morning fog that is starting to evaporate in the radiance of the sun. I just want to linger in it, carry its magnificence and my mind is opened again to the Lord’s touch and my infilling of His light as I hear His words again, “Thou art Mine.”
I was barely into the first or second song of the CD as I laid myself on the living room floor with a blanket to cover me to distract the morning chill. A familiar feeling as I would do with Elizabeth when she was alive. Back then, I was in my mid and late twenties as she would guide me into my healing. As I am now gifted by the Heavens with her same presence to give me comfort and reassurance, as I am now directed by the Heavens in a deeper phase of my healing. This morning, she was on my left, as I lay on the floor and began the emotional breath, through my nose and out my mouth, as she first taught me those many years ago and now a breath that I am so familiar. I began to breathe as I could feel the same sadness that the Lord instructed me to breathe into, that sadness was now bubbling up from deep within me. As the Lord instructed, “Ye must breathe to find thy way.” And now in the breath and sadness came wave after wave of raw emotion that shook my body as I had no conscious awareness or knowledge of what it was about. With Elizabeth’s encouragement, I stayed with the emotion as my chest heaved with internalized emotion, as I was afraid to let out any sound because of my neighbors, as I surrendered to it. It was in this eruption of emotional magma that I had a clear flash of thought as I saw my infant self crying out, to return. My infant, in his desire to return to the Heavens from whence he came because of the overwhelm of life. And with these first primal cries of desire, “To return because it is too hard here.” My present, observing self, became aware of the ‘Death urge’ which Elizabeth taught that we all have as we are birthed into ours lives. I had thought that I had gotten to the core of this in my past as it was a focus because of my suicide experience that brought me to her. But here it was again as fresh and as raw as the first time I experienced it with Elizabeth. Though, this time is different because of my relationship with Christ, which brought me into added awareness. As the raw emotion of the infant cried out for return from a life too hard. I then flashed onto our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus, laying prostrate on the garden’s ground crying out to the Father to have the bitter cup taken from Him because of the magnitude of His task, of being the sacrificial Lamb for the world of man. And now in my experience I saw and felt a small, microscopic view of His great atonement. As the tears flowed, even now the words blur on the page, as then my tears and uncontrollable sobbing went out to Him with my awareness of His suffering, for my suffering and sin that added His pain. My streaming tears that dripped onto the freshly healed over wounds of His feet, as I was now bowed over His feet sobbing in a reverence of emotion. A reverence of His extended mercy and great love. In this heightened awareness and reverence came the insight that this gesture of reverence of His atonement; all will have to receive of our recognition of His supreme sacrifice for man. And for me, this obscure Monday morning was my reckoning of pain and His healing love.
It was here that the stream of my emotion took another turn, in its natural flow, as my emotion and breath brought me into more awareness. Without detail or implications let me just say that I saw the linage of sin. A linage where the seed of sin is passed from one to another, which ended in me. As I write this my mind is taken back to last spring when I had the experience/vision of generational sin. And here I am again, perhaps seeing it in more detail, and experiencing its release through this emotional stream of revelation with its meandering course of intention. The Lord in His love showing me the unconscious that keeps me in a hiding state from Him. And it was here that my observing mind was able to absorb the detail of my experiences. As the emotional stream slowed into a quiet that left me in an enlightened state of awareness. It was here in this quiet that there was no blame, no sense of guilt and no anger, but only the gentle quiet of awareness. And it was here that I could see a yellowish hue that was of an elongated oval shape that was the dumping site in my body of this linage of pain and sin. With this same awareness I watched as this yellowish hue of pain became vaporous and lifted from my body. It was through this view that the emotion of tears again elevated to sobs as I beheld myself in the healing of Jesus Christ and the Heavens. In these emotions of gratitude and love, I could see from the view of my observing self, I could see the void that was left from the vaporized hue of deposited sin. It was then that I asked, in my mind, of its replacement to fill the void? As I watched Elizabeth lean over with a touch to my forehead, which was replaced by another touch. A touch of which I knew immediately when I saw His hand, the hand of my Savior, Master and Friend, Jesus. As I observed His hands, both placed on my head in healing. The left void was being filled with His love, when I heard. “Now ye are Mine.” Even now emotion bubbles up as I write and recall His words of love. With His words of ownership came my complete surrender that moved me from still lying on the floor and on my back, to my knees as I was full and radiant with His love. As I kneeled I could see with spiritual eyes opened His love flowing through me. Watching this stream I could see a small sparrow outside on the vine of my fence as the light of love flowed to it. I could see and sense this same stream of light flowing outside into the trees, the trees as I could see trough the triangular window at the top of my vaulted ceiling. And without thought and through the blurred vision of tears I saw this same energy and light flowing upward as He, my Lord, ascended back into the Heavens far above me, as I sensed with spiritual sight my master and Savior with the Father. And again without thinking, but in great desire of Him I heard myself cry out, “Don’t leave me.” And in immediate response I heard, “Thou art Mine.” The same, “Thou art Mine.” that kept repeating as I began to write of this experience. And it is the same, “Father, I love Thee.” that I wake up to every morning. And the same, “Father, I love Thee.” that I am now left with in His ownership, my submission, and His atoning and healing touch. I am continually in awe of a Heaven that would bend so close to my needs, our needs… I submit at His feet.
December 25, 2017 Monday (7:38 am)
I was just in prayer and praise of the Heavens; as I was reflecting the love of the Heavens upward offering my heart to the Father, and as I was in this state of love I had a clear impression to write. With this impression immediately followed the words, “In such desire…” which were the first words to begin to flow. Beginning to breathe so that the continued flow will pour into me…
“In such desire is the love of God that floweth forth unto all mankind, and in this ye have found the peace of a heart given unto Me. In such an offering are the doors of Heaven opened that ye might soon walk the halls of Mine glory. And as ye continue to offer such prayers of devotion thy love is turned inward in a cleansing ray of hope that man might yet come unto Me. For can ye yet not see the love of such beauty, as a Heaven opened unto all willing to come unto Me? For as ye knelt at My feet, it is in such an ordinance of beauty, that the sealing is given. For the world of man knoweth not, nor can see not yet, such beauty of an offering unto Me. Yet, all will know in time that which they serve, serveth thee. For it is in such a love that ye will be lifted up unto Me in a wholeness of desire. For as one, thee, comes unto Me in such devotion and desire it is upon such that the saving grace is given and received freely. And in this gift of grace is the washing and anointing made perfect in Me. That ye might enter into the state of perfection that holdeth all glory, even the glory of the Father, which is all glory. For man cannot yet abide in such a state as he must yet be purified in Me, and through Me. Therefore, the world of man knoweth not that as ye give thyself freely, it is then that Mine gift of love is given freely unto thee. And in this is the gift given unto the Father, of a love returned which is His glory fulfilled. Oh world of man, knoweth these things and ye begin thy journey unto Me, which was given for this very purpose of love restored.
Oh My son, ye know the devotion of love as it flickers in thee. Continue thy journey of service and ye will know the radiance of such a love. Go forth into this day, which is a day of praise and glory received unto the world, for the world. Praise and glory be thine as all love is one eternal round creating the oneness of perfection. Peace unto thee My son, and all the world as ye devote thy hearts unto Me. And in so doing unto the Father of all glory as He is in Me, and I in Him, and We in thee; the state of glorified love given freely unto those that open such a heart of love. Therefore come unto Me and receive that which is freely given unto all in such desire. Come unto Me and receive Mine gift for all of a willing heart.”