February 5, 2020 Wednesday 6:05 am
I just woke and was getting my bearings of time as I lay in the darkness of the morning. And it was in that darkness that I had a soft impression to write, which I questioned. The impression then took the form of words, “Write My son.” As I replied with, “Father I am unworthy.” And then heard, “I am with thee because of thy humbleness of heart.” With that I started looking for pen and paper and am feeling a little nervous and still unworthy. My unworthiness comes from not of a sin of commission but of sins of omission. I am and have been feeling weak and beat down by life. It has been months since a writing and even in that they have been few in number lately. I need to refocus and not keep the Heavens waiting, as I begin to feel again my old friends trust and faith as I begin to breathe. As I wavier again in my words, “ Oh, Father let it be Thee”…
“Oh, Mine beautiful son, in whom suffers the beatings of life; thou art worthy even in thy weakness. And in thy weakness is thy strength. For as ye continue to call upon My name and come unto Me, ye are Mine. But thou see and experience, thou are not plucked up from thy afflictions, but are in them to learn the lessons of love, perseverance, and forgiveness. For ye question My hand still upon thee and I say unto thee, ‘Are ye not Mine? Did I not mark thy heart? And are ye not still speaking Mine name?’ Then in these things ye should know that I am with thee and for thee and upon thee, even in thy weakness of mind, heart, and spirit. For as ye have survived the beating down of life circumstances and the cunningness of the adversary ye are still Mine. For it is in thy feelings as if ye are in thy dying breathes that ye are weak, bloodied, and beaten, that ye have come full circle to thy pain, of thy beginnings, and in this is thy suffering and feelings of weakness and unworthiness. (My old pain is being triggered from my youth) And in these things is your pain of weakness and thinking that ye have fallen and failed Me; have fallen from what thou were and ye wonder thy worth.
And son of Mine heart, did ye not remember in thy pain Mine embrace of eternal love? Did I not even know ye and accept thee even in thy pain and weakness? Did I not even, in thy weakness, invite thee to stay with Me? And did ye not as I held thee tighter know of Mine love for thee as ye followed Me into a pure love… eternal love? And it is in that embrace that ye learned that ye were Mine, and it is now that I speak unto thee as if in that same embrace as ye are still Mine? Oh, Mine son, ye cannot see the buffetings of darkness. Ye cannot see thy strength because of thy feelings of unworthiness. Looking and comparing where you were and where you are now. But I say unto thee, ‘ Ye are in this weakness because of that strength.’ It is because ye have climbed to such height to descend again into the darkness. And it is in that darkness that I test Mine own, that ye might discover and see thy own strength. For what good is in the high of closeness if ye cannot find Me in the low? For all must pass the descent into darkness to find Me and know Me. For it is in the darkness that ye find thyself even as ye are at your breaking points. For it is in these times that are the greatest lessons and in these are the teachers of life and strength. For as ye endure all pain ye begin to know the joys that await thee. For it is because of such pain that the joy is sweeter. For the pain becomes the salt that will later sustain thee and give thee a greater flavor in the joy. For it is in this that ye will kneel before Me in joy and report of thy success. Even as ye account for thy life, and in thy weakness of times will be thy joy and reward.
Therefore, Mine beloved, rejoice in thy sufferings and know that because of them they will be thy joy. And as ye remember them, ye will remember them as friends that have taught thee the great lessons that will propel thee into the eternities.
Mine son, whose name is still upon Mine lips, continue to know Me and ye will continue to know love. For ye are Mine and I am still with thee, even in this darkness. Know ye this and ye will be bolstered up in hope as ye pass through these times of trouble. Know thyself and come before Me and know Me, and in this shall be thy joy. Mine blessed, go forth and ponder these words of love and find thy strength again.
It is here that I might explain in more detail that you might understand these words of our dear Savior to me. For when He spoke of His embrace and His inviting me to stay with Him, He is making reference to one of the most powerful and life-changing experiences of my journey back to Him. Before I share in more detail of that experience, first let me preface with my belief and validate these experiences of the Spirit. If you have read this far then you know of the many and varied experiences of the Spirit that have led, witnessed, and sured me up in my weakness. These varied experiences have given me sight and travel to other realms and dimensions that have brought me closer to my Lord and Savior. As I have experienced and traveled it has been through the gift of Spirit which allowed me to have been on spiritual realms to see and to feel with my heart and with my spiritual eyes. Not so many years ago it was a struggle for me to trust in these new senses and my experiences. Not that I wasn’t deeply moved by them but by my rational mind that would try to disqualify them by saying, “It wasn’t physical therefore it wasn’t really valid.” Also I would hear my questioning mind wonder of my sanity, questioning my ego, and questioning their validity because it was of another nature. A nature of non-physical, and in my inexperienced mind it was less real and less valid. Over the years of experience, my trust and belief grew as I questioned less and embraced more with my heart the value of each experience. And as the Heavens slowly opened me up, so my experiences have opened doors to realms of Spirit that I could not have imagined. And in this opening it has brought me closer in relationship with my Savior and King, Jesus Christ. So in all of this I have learned that the spiritual dimensions are just as valid as the physical, because they are physical! Their physicality are of a refined nature that is more fine in density but none less real and valid. So, with the patience of the Heavens I have come to hear less mind chatter about validity and my heart is more open to embrace each new experience as a gift and blessing with a valuable lesson attached.
So it was of the experience that was referenced by the Lord in this writing, as He mentioned it as a witness to me of my worth even in my weakness. You see, in the recent past I have struggled for weeks and months with life circumstances and the buffetings of darkness that don’t seem to ease up. It was in my recent pain and struggle that this experience was brought into my mind as a remembrance of His eternal love and my worth even in my weakness. Somewhere in these pages of the recorded writings and my experiences I accounted to you of this very sacred experience. This experience where I found myself standing before the Savior as He opened His arms to take me into His embrace. As I accepted His welcome and His arms held me with my head laying on his bosom, my weakness became manifest. In my earlier accounting of this experience I did not fully disclose what happened, but feel more inclined now to share more openly to further testify of this eternal love which He now speaks. In my past I never experienced a long embrace with another male unless it was associated with sex. When I felt my Savior’s embrace I felt triggered a conditioned response of these stirrings which caused me to begin to pull away from His arms in my supprise and shame. It was also to my surprise His response which I would have thought would be of reprimand and distain, but as I began to pull away from His embrace He whisper in a kind and loving tone, “Stay with Me.” As I submitted to His request His arms held me tighter and the dross of this life experience was washed clean as I was able to take in the most pure of loves… His eternal love.
In that experience, I felt what Christ would have felt for the woman to be stoned, the woman at the well, and all of the judged “unclean” that He loved and served in His mortal ministry. He was not repelled at their uncleanliness but stepped closer not in condoning their actions or situations but in His great love. And so it was with myself, He loved me in spite of my woundedness and weakness, as He knew my heart and met me once again where I was at in my weakness. This experience, of His embrace, changed my life once more as it taught me of my worth even in my weakness. And it taught me of His great love for us as He opens His arms for each of us, even when we are in our weakened states. He awaits each of us with His ‘eternal love’.
March 14, 2020
I have woken up this morning and continue to try to wrap my head around another miraculous experience. I ask myself, “Why have I received so much from the Heavens?” I have thoughts of what is real, what is self-created but I am still left in a state of awe and wonder. After these miracles from Heaven it always seems so surreal to try to fit something that is so spiritual and out of the norm into an everyday reality of survival on the physical level. And yet when my physical experience is changed by my spiritual reality I can’t be passive but want to stand up and yell with a reverent shout, “All glory and praise to the Heavens!”
For the past several weeks I have been suffering from shortness of breath, a shallow breathing that comes from any form of exertion. I first took my symptoms to the doctor wondering if I had developed asthma. With his advise we experimented with nasal spray and allergy medication but with no avail. In fact, it felt like I was getting worse, which landed me in the emergency room a couple of Sundays ago. After X-rays, bloodwork, multiple breathing treatments with a nebulizer, they also weren’t sure, but were recommending perhaps my seeing a pulmonary specialist. Over these weeks of trying to figure out what is causing my symptoms, also we have been hearing of the spread of the Coronavirus. As we monitored, through the news, the virus building into a pandemic and watched it begin to spread here in the States. As we learned more of the symptoms, I and others around me started to wonder of my shortness of breath. I wondered but dismissed it because my not having all of the virus’ profile. That quickly changed as I developed extreme flu type symptoms. As I contacted the telephone advice nurse and she communicating with a doctor, they urged me to go again to the emergency room.
So yesterday, I watched as they drew more blood than I thought I had, more X-rays, and monitoring. I waited for hours as I got use to the quick rhythm of the cloth of my mask as I breathed. After hours of entrainment of sitting and watching nurses and doctors scurrying about and every sort of human and their condition I had an answer… they didn’t know. Test results came back showing levels and percentages looked good but I didn’t have the flu, which is the way the virus reads. My attending doctor continued, as he apologized with a hint of contempt in his voice, to explain that they didn’t have enough test kits for everybody that needed to be tested so they were saving them for those showing more severe symptoms. He further shared that we as a nation were unprepared, which inhibited him in providing the best care as a doctor. So the finial conclusion, rest and self-quarantine because they didn’t know. And to come in again if it worsened… not much comfort as I was still lacking an answer to my labored breathing.
As the evening came on so did more of the ache and my overall not feeling good. In those feelings, I hate to admit, came some shut down in my relationship with J. I just wanted to withdraw and curl up by myself and moan with my body’s discomfort. Yes, I also admit and agree that men are babies with pain in comparison to women. And with that being said, I went to bed by myself as now the next stage of my illness was starting to kick in as the ache in my sinuses began to loosen and drain. As I fell asleep I found myself repeatedly waking up not being able to breathe and being cold and hot at the same time. It was around 4:00 in the morning that I reached down to pet my cat sleeping on the bed as she too had been in some discomfort suffering with a new limp. It was as she started purring and opening up her belly for me to scratch that I was flooded with a love for her. I thought, “I have never loved anything like I love this cat.” She has truly taught and modeled to me a simple and pure love. As I was petting her it was then that I felt flow from my heart an outpouring of love to the Heavens. It was like Puss and I were one as our full love flowed upward. Her purring and with my opened heart I found myself talking with the Heavens. I repented for my lack of closeness. For my being withdrawn in my relationship with J. and also with Them. Again, I felt like I had fallen from where I was and am lost in all of the inadequacies of self. I asked to be led and to be shown the way, asking for the Lord to help me. It was then that I had an impression to go to J. as she was in the extra bedroom trying to get some rest. An impression that I wanted to ignore because of my worsened condition and her needing the rest. But knowing that rejecting a request from Him, is like rejecting Him. So in the wanting Him, pulled myself from my bed and headed down the hallway to where J. was sleeping. As I opened the door I woke her and she asked if I was ok. As I climbed into bed I held her and asked forgiveness for being shut down and closed off to her lately. Her answer was in her snuggling closer as we fell into silence in the early morning darkness. The silence now exaggerated the sound of my labored breathing and coughing which she remarked as getting worse. As I took my temperature she threatened to take me into emergency if I had one, which I was able to avoid in the 98 reading of the thermometer.
As I laid next to her my body was really struggling and I could tell that she was concerned as she whispered, “I don’t want to lose you.” Without sounding overdramatic, I focused on the my shortness of my breath and wondered if this could be the beginning of my end, as I answered, “Whatever the Lord wants.” And added, “I just don’t want to disappoint Him.” It was as I focused again on my labored breathing that my body started to jolt with energy. As my body jolted again from head to foot my spiritual eyes opened and I could see that we were not alone. As I whispered to J., to ease her questioning mind, “Angels are here.” As I write this it makes me wonder maybe it created more concern seeing my physical state that they might be here to take me. It was as my spiritual eyes were opened and I was experiencing the Heavens that I went in an erratic rhythm of breathing with long still pauses of no breathing. It was in this breathing that I was able to focus upon my angels of Heaven, which I was being blessed.
Once more to explain, for me when I have these encounters with Heaven my vision isn’t as seeing in the physical realm but it is a seeing that is of knowing. So, if you asked me what someone looked like I wouldn’t be able to give you details but would able to tell you who they are, what they feel like, their intentions, and their actions. So it was with this experience, I knew immediately the person of focus and sensing his authority before I even saw Michael’s sword. With Michael there were others on each side of him of whom I could not focus because of the speed to which the experience was moving. As I looked up from my bed I saw them standing in an inverted ‘V’ formation. It was very quickly that I saw Michael wield his sword with the tip pointing downward to my body as he used the sword tip to slice open a surrounding type of sack that encircled my body. He then reached forth with his hand offering me a release from the surrounding sack that felt like death. As he lifted me up and then guided me to what he called the ‘Light of Christ’ which was shining directly behind him. As he held me by the shoulders in this light I could feel my person absorbing the bright light that was healing on so many levels. As I was experiencing the fullness of light, I also was aware of my physical body taking full deep breathes. It was again what seemed like a matter of seconds that my spiritual body was again reuniting with my physical body as I heard, I’m assuming Michael say, “Live and shine bright.” With those words I was back in my body, amazed and focused on how much better my breathing was as I was now taking full deep breathes. And the words continued to repeat in my head, “Live and shine bright.”
Why me? Is it because of my obedience? Because of my love for Father, Brother, and the Heavens? Or a work that still needs to be done? Whatever the reason or the cause I do know that it is only through the will of the Father, the atoning sacrifice of the Son, and the help of a patient Heaven that I am here. And it is of my heart that is full of love, that I will ever be able to live and shine bright.
March 19, 2020
Once more I bear witness of the Heavens and how merciful our Heavenly Father and our shining Brother, Jesus, has been to me. I am truly amazed at the out-pouring of goodness from the windows of Heaven. Yesterday morning, I had an experience that wasn’t only overwhelming for the positive and negative, but was also a clear answer of a purpose which I have been preparing since I set foot on this seeking journey. As you have read years ago, I was called by Christ through His messenger Joseph to “Come unto Me,” to repent, to return. And in that message I was told to “Step from the shadows of hiding and into the man you were called to be… to step from being a boy of fear and to a warrior of spirit, to step into that role that has long awaited you at this time and in this dimension. He that calls you son calls you to Him, and He now calls forth the programing of this warrior to come forth with the words of truth and the action of God.” I was also told in that same message that if I delighted in the Lord, “All will be shown unto you. Trust in the Lord and all things will manifest and be made possible.” And with yesterday’s experience came a piece of this previous message showing me an impression of that purpose.
Through these years the largest hurdle for me has been to trust. To trust myself, to trust the Heavens, and to trust my experiences. In the beginning I was so overwhelmed. Even in the experience of one of my first messengers, that now seems like eons ago on the Mendocino Coast, as he taught that it was imperative for me to trust. As I have traveled this journey, trust, seems to be a reoccurring theme of my lessons from the teachers provided to me. And yesterday’s lesson was no different.
The night before this latest lesson I went into a shallow depression as I experienced again where I was and where I wasn’t at this time. I was feeling alone in my wide and varied experiences with no one around me that spoke my language, the language of the unusual. No one that could truly relate and share with me the joys of an opened Heaven, or at least willing to share. I had a restless night dreaming dreams that wouldn’t be remembered. As I woke early the next morning I remember waking in a plea for the Heavens to help me, and then drifting back to sleep. It seemed that I was surrounded by darkness that I was trying to escape. When I awoke next I knew that I would have to battle my way from the darkness that had still engulfed me. It was as I started to use the sacred name of Christ, using my breath to begin to move the energy, and drawing near to me my sword that the darkness began to be dispelled. I could feel a lightness come over me as the darkness of my mental state was now being replaced with a light. Now my body was jolting with light energy as my mind was opened up and I began to see myself and my role in serving the Lord. It seems like for this purpose that I have been groomed with my journeyings of learning to open to my gifts of the spirit. As I saw one part in detail, I started to question if I was being deceived by the forces of darkness, or if I was using my creative mind in a grandiose scheme of the ego. My mind started to flood with doubt and I started to pray to the Heavens for some reassurance of seeing my role and its validity. I needed to know to hang onto this, or to let it go. It was in this turmoil that I saw a hand reach out to me and take me by the hand, in a token and symbol of rescue, as it pulled me through a parted veil to a silence of safety. It seemed like only a moment of peace as I saw again my truth that was for me. Then once again I was in my mind of doubt, as I became aware of an orange glow that kept passing about and around me. It felt like I was underground with this orange continuing to move about me. At one point it looked like the orange glow reflected shadows on the wall of a cave. All of this happening in just moments as I was trying to get my bearings and what was going on. It was now that J., my wife, slipped into bed beside me and in just a few words I explained what was happening, and how I was confused. She asked me, “How does it feel?” as she asked me this it brought me into my feelings and I caught just a glimpse of the adversary in that glow. And once more I started to use my tools and to fight him with the name of Christ. I used my sword by thrusting it into the ground and continued to use it to reverberate with light energy as I used my Priesthood and I called upon the Heavens for help. As this point I heard the adversary’s voice curse several times in his retreat. With his retreat all of the doubt and cave like feel started to evaporate like a cloud until it was gone. And I was back in the light feeling again with impressions of thought that seemed to flood to me. In in those impressions I understood that this past year or so that has felt like a distraction, and my doubts and feelings that I had failed the Lord was a testing or initiation. I was allowed to go through my darkness, being distracted, and allowed to have my wobble. In this wobble was my opportunity to truly choose Christ and to find my will and strength. In this awareness I was filled with strength and a new determination to choose and surrender to Christ and His will. Now on the other side of this experience, I am feeling a new strength and a resolve of becoming the programing and warrior that I was called to be. As that warrior I bend my knee at the foot of my Savior and wait His word, His will, and His further command. At this moment I trust and await His purposes to ‘manifest and be made possible’.
March 29, 2020
Weeping at the feet of my Jesus, Lord, and Savior; that joy and gratitude still fills my heart as I remember those feelings, and also the earlier contrasting dread as I awoke this morning. I should have known that there was something on the brink of the spiritual because of the amount of opposition that has been thrown at me and my wife. For the last several weeks we have been laden with our possible having the Coronavirus, weeks of self-quarantine, the worry of my business and financial recovery, and my feelings of more spiritual inadequacy. I could continue with the list of worry and stressors, but then again we all have a list and mine is no worse than others in these troubled times. Even, the several wonderful experiences over the last couple of weeks which descriptions precede this one have had no lasting redemption as the darkness was reaping its havoc on my relationship. In my worry and self-loathing there was no rest from my irritations of life and in my relationship with J. And as I woke this morning it was in prayer asking that I might find my way through these troubled times in my life and relationship.
Today is the sabbath, but there no meetings to get up and rush off to as I lay in bed and watch the light change through the slates of the bedroom blinds. Even my cat that is nested in her blankets beside the bed isn’t wanting to leave her warmth and comfort, as my hand slides under her blanket to find an ear or belly to rub. It was through the purrs of my cat that I heard J. stirring from the extra bedroom that was supposed to be just for her chemo recovery and has become more permanent as her now restless sleep has her up throughout the night. I wondered if the recent tensions of disagreements would keep her away as I rolled onto my side and started to breathe into my weighty dark feelings, to call forth the Heavens, and my sword and angels for relief. This morning everything seemed halfhearted, like I couldn’t muster enough energy to do battle with the adversary and this darkness. So, I decided to listen to a podcast of an inspirational lecture on preparing for the upcoming general conference which has been promised, by our prophet, to be memorable and unforgettable for those that have been putting in the preparation. More angst for my feelings of inadequacy as I worried that the strife of my recent life was going to keep me from achieving the full blessings promised.
We are often blessed in life with those earth angels that reach out in an other-worldly orchestration that seems to nudge one reality into another, and so it was with the text from E. As she ended our brief text conversation with these words, “Go to work today in your mighty power.” It was her response to my sharing a few days ago the Lord urged me to come to Him in confidence. Wisdom to combat my groveling attitude of weakness. I’m sure the Lord just wants us to get who we are and live up to our potential, and He is most patient in His perfection. Confidence? Mighty power? How does one navigate these attributes? My feelings of inadequacy and groveling were not equal to the outpouring of the spiritual, nor the workings of darkness that has been upon me lately. And it was as I tried again to breathe and break those bands that were surrounding me that I heard J. checking in on me. I responded, “I’m struggling.” To my surprise she crawled under the bedcovers and snuggled up next to me as I continued in my halfhearted breathing in my attempt to move the energy. It was in just a few more breathes that I started to open to another awareness. I narrated to J. my experience as I was experiencing with spiritual eyes an image of myself. I was aware of another self, huddled in the corner against the bedroom wall. This part of myself seemed broken and isolated as I/it wanted to be left alone. I heard the usual phrases of the past decades of my emotional work through rebirthing, breathwork and counseling. Phrasing that captured the pains of life, phrasing that I am familiar with… “I want to die.”… “Life is too hard.” … “I don’t trust people.” … “People always hurt me.” It seemed that this curled up self that I was witnessing was a compilation of different ages and experiences. This part of myself appeared to phase in and out of different ages and pulling on varied experiences. It was as I was witnessing and listening to him that I moved towards him and he reacted like a wild animal. Yelling for me to leave him alone and to get away. As I was surveying the situation and feeling the deep pain that he was experiencing, awareness started to flood to me. It seemed that years, even decades, of therapeutic training and experience were being mixed with heavenly inspiration as understanding flowed into my mind. I was the witness of those combined parts of myself that were wounded in my pain of life and were wanting and working to keep me separate from life, from connecting to people. I was aware that this part was even contributing to my distancing from my wife in fears of being hurt. I saw clearly that it was through these efforts of separation that the varied irritations were the fruit of his efforts which seemed to be working well. These irritations were the source of our conflict and the source of my feelings of spiritual inadequacy. Conflicts that I didn’t want but would just come over me and I felt like I was powerless to control them so I did my best to hide them but with little avail. It was like my mind was enlightened as concept after concept flowed effortlessly into my understanding. I even saw what others might see as an obsession with my cat, as I understood my deep and abiding affection for her. It seemed that I saw myself in her. It was years ago that I went to help a friend, help a friend to get rid of her two cats because the friend was returning home from the hospital with a condition that wouldn’t allow her to keep her cats. It was as I was helping that I met, Puss Puss, my cat. She was scared and huddled in a corner and it was I that had the job to try to corral her into a pet carrier. I ended up taking her home and over the years I have built up a trust in her and a great abiding loyalty and love. In fact, it seems like as I viewed myself in the corner as this self tightly hugged the wall that I understood the only two things that came close to full trust was my cat and the Heavens.
It was as these understandings took shape in my mind that my body did a huge jolt and I relayed to J. that a spiritual being came and stood behind me. I didn’t see Him but could feel and understood that it was Christ. Without words I heard, “You know what you need to do.” It was because of that training and experience with working with myself and people, and the now confirmation of the greatest of therapists that I knew that I needed to befriend myself clinging to the corner, to parent him, and merge him back into unity with myself. It was here that I used my Priesthood power to drive away the forces that were attacking him and kept him on edge. Also, it was here that I saw clearly an analogy that taught me the workings of the forces of evil. In this analogy I saw an attacking pack of hyenas and I observed the attack pattern of isolating the weak or wounded and then harassing them and even devouring what life existed in them. I saw this was the same plan with the workers of darkness, to isolate and then harass the wounded parts of ourselves. By doing this these weaker parts of ourselves are vulnerable and are kept on edge which inhibits our growth in the area of our woundedness. But with this power of the Priesthood of Christ I was soon embracing him and as I accepted this self again. It was here that more understanding came flooding to me. Christ didn’t rush in and do the work of salvation but allowed me to rescue and save myself. It came to me that this is the work of Christ to help us be saviors to and of ourselves. And it is through His grace and atoning sacrifice that He completes the work of salvation even unto exhalation. It was in the embrace with myself that I remembered His life changing embrace with me that I recently wrote about. The embrace of His love and acceptance which took our love to a greater level, to experience an eternal love.
It was as I embraced this wounded part of myself that I yearned for this to be a lasting healing. To be the relief that I needed for my irradiations and non-trust of life and people so that I might truly connect on deeper levels. The answer flowed once more in my understanding that all would not be gone as I had hoped, but was given a new tool. As the irritations and non-trust would surface that I should then focus on embracing myself as to not allow the separation and wounding of isolation. I can even now hear Christ’s own words in His embrace with me, His whispered request, “Stay with Me.” as he pulled me back into Him. In His healing words and example I hope to model His perfection as I learn to nurture and love myself.
It is interesting that as I was in the embrace with myself, accepting and loving this wounded part of myself, I saw appear over my head a great pearl. It seemed like the very pearl that Solomon shared with me years ago in my mediation experiences. This pearl of great price seemed to denote the value of this work. As I embraced myself we became a value of great worth to the Lord and to His storehouse. I hope and pray that with this experience that I might continue to become whole. This has brought into culmination decades of work, and in this new continued embrace that I might be a better son and husband, that I might begin to be the best self that the Heavens have proclaimed me to be. And it was next to J. as tears streamed down my face that I was in another reality at the feet of Christ weeping in my love and gratitude.
July 13, 2020 Monday (8:28 am)
I was in bed working on my Family Search standardizing and at the same time listening to a YouTube video on the appearances of the Lord prior to His second coming. As I was standardizing I had a thought in the form of a statement to myself, pledging my allegiance to Him with the words, “I am waiting for you.” It was in speaking that phrase that that I then heard, “Write, My son.” With that I found the waiting paper and pen near my bed and now don’t want to keep the Heavens waiting, as I begin to breathe myself into the flow of Spirit…
“Yes, My son, I call unto thee that ye might know and hear the call to come unto Me. That ye might know thy place and thy calling, as I seek out My brethren to serve and carry forth My will as I have commanded. For as ye question My voice, I say unto thee, ‘Hear Me and know Me, Hear the words that I speak unto thee in mind, and know that it is I, your Lord and King, your Savior and Redeemer, The Holy One of Israel, that has given all to receive all that ye might follow. Therefore, My son, follow Me and hear My words that ye might also receive all that ye might know Me as I am. For it is in thy mind of worry that ye have so much to account for, to do and to receive. And I say unto thee, ‘Stay focused unto Me and receive Me as I come.’ For I come unto many and they receive Me not because of their lack of faith and understanding. But, ye now hear Me and I say unto thee, ‘Will ye not follow also? Will ye not press against Me as ye dare to weather the storm? For am I not the hen stretching forth her wings to offer thee protection? For will ye hear and gather unto My safety and love?’
Oh, Mine son, ye have stumbled and fallen, but ye have never left Me. Ye stay thy commitment and oath unto Me. And it is in this that I say unto thee, ‘For as ye knelt in thy holy offering unto Me (blessing and partaking of the home sacrament) I received thy name and it is upon Mine heart. And I am sealed unto thee as ye seal thyself unto Me, the Lord of mercy, love and freedom. For it is as ye hear and heed that ye shall have Mine presence and know that I am with thee and will guide thee forth out of thy lands of inheritance, unto freedom and peace, as ye follow Mine word. Oh, Mine son, I can hear thy questioning mind and concerns, and I will quiet thee and show thee that ye might know the will of the Lord, My will, and that ye might know to follow. For even as ye say. ‘Where to oh Lord?’ I will lead thee and show thee the way unto thy deliverance. That ye might know again Mine hand upon thee and My voice to guide thee. For even as ye know not, ye know My will unto thee as I speak unto thy mind and heart. As even now, ye are asking prayers of concern and I say unto thee, ‘Keep thy faith and hand upon Me. For as I came to receive thee, show forth not thy fear but thy trust, and in this ye are given the Comforter, Mine Comforter to assure thee and to know Mine will unto thee.’ For even as ye accept Him, and know Him, it is unto this purpose that ye know Me. For as He prepares thee, so it is that I will come.
Oh, Mine beloved son, whom knows Me and is willing to give thy all unto Me, so it is that I will ask for thy faith even not to thy understanding. And in this ye shall be given all that ye are ready to receive. For as ye heareth and follow ye shall be added upon for thy understanding at that time. Unto ye shall be brought forth unto the understanding of enlightenment and the glory of exaltation. For as ye receiveth Me, ye receive the promise of My glory. And as ye receive such a glory, ye receive the Father of All Eternity, which you know as Father. For come unto Me, receive Me that ye might also receive thy all. And as ye lift up thy words, ‘Oh Lord show me the way.’ I hear thee and show thee that I am with thee even unto the end, which receiveth Me and know My command and word. For ye say, ‘I am Yours.’ I say, ‘Trust Me, and allow Me to guide thee unto paths of righteousness that ye might be fulfilled.
Oh, Mine son, prepare thyself, and thy wife of worship, and allow Mine hand to be upon thee that ye might know Me as Lord and King, Savior and Redeemer, and Friend. Oh, Mine beloved know Me. trust, Mine son, trust. And as ye ask, ‘How?’ And I say, ‘Step upon step and ye shall be led as ye prepare.’ Trust, My son, trust.”
Oh, Lord, this is huge. I pray unto thee, “Abandon me not for I need Thee in every way and every hour. I need thee!”
“And so it is that ye will know Me, and receive Me. I am yours and you are Mine. Fear not.”
August 8, 2020 Saturday (4:22 am)
I was lying in bed and trying to go back to sleep after waking up, while my mind’s thinking drifted to the urgency of leaving as we have been instructed. The need to sell my business and home as it seems like I am being distracted by one thing after another, and feeling the urgency to keep moving forward. As I was feeling and thinking of all that needed to be done, my mind had an impression to write. In my feelings of overwhelm I tried to push it away but the impression pursued with the words, “Yes, write.” And then my mind began to hear the beginning words, “This probation…”. Even with these manifestations of Spirit I felt anxious and soon began to find some balance and began to focus my mind as I started to breathe for the Spirit…
“Yes, My son, I hear thy prayers of sanctity unto Me, and the desire for only My word and not thy mind of thinking. And I say unto thee, “I hear thee and I come unto thee in the Spirit of prophesy. That ye might warn and know that I am upon thee to speak. For as ye heard My words, which came that the time of this probation has come to an end. And in this come the warning voices of past generations that were given sight and voice that they might know what awaits this generation of the Son of Man. That they might give word and counsel that this generation, thy generation, might know and recognize the time of My coming. The time of The Father’s command, ‘It is over.’ For in this are the words of the many fulfilled and the scenes of the end become the reality of what is. For the present is the moment of My coming, and it is in this present that is a period of time. For in My present are many years for thee, but it is in My present that the angels await Mine command. And it is in this waiting that I hear the pleas of the righteous for My coming. And it is in these pleas that I send Mine Comforter to give thee comfort. Yet, a warning that ye might know that I am near and the time awaits Mine command that all things are fulfilled unto My coming.
Oh, My son, that desires for the connection of the holy and righteous seed that live by Mine command. That communes with Me, not only in the thoughts of prayer, but with Mine holy presences. For they are like unto Mine peoples of Enoch. In which, there was such a faith that I could not not walk amongst them. So it is so, among them that ye want/desire named, but it is My will that this seed or tribe of Mine people will remain nameless. But it is thine desire to commune and associate. For it is in thy faith that ye connected, and it was upon their searching holiness that ye were brought amongst them. To experience their technologies of holiness in which I commune and associate. For thy desire keeps thee bound unto them. And I say unto thee, ‘Continue to sanctify and keep thyself clean and in Mine time ye will be/live amongst them, and experience the divine will of their technologies of which man knoweth not.’ For they were like thee of desire and through their desire came the sanctification that could not keep Me from them, and them from Me. For ye desire but still are working out thy sanctification. For fear not Mine son, soon very soon ye shall know Me again. For as I say unto thee to prepare and leave, I say that ye must not dwindle in the efforts of the dark forces that want to snare thee and thwart Mine desires of thee. Put out thy word that ye might begin the process of acquiring thy monies that ye have a way for this transport. And as ye do, I will bless that it might be done and not hindered.
Oh Mine son, ye fear Mine word that ye might not be responsible. And so it is that ye shy away from using thy priesthood, Mine Priesthood, to bless because ye fear the weight of truth, words, and man’s judgement. Do ye fear less Mine judgement? For in which I command thee to open thy mouth. And ye fear that Mine words might not be fulfilled. Ye fear that Mine words might be fulfilled and ye fear the judgements of man, even thy loved ones. I say unto thee, ‘Be bold and yet be wise.’ For as ye seek Mine Spirit ye will be prompted what to speak. For ye fear man more than Me and I say, ‘Mine words must be spoken unto mankind that the warning might go forth, that the judgement might be a pure one.’ For all things must be fulfilled that will bring about the times of trial. For in these times it will sift out the weak that are not ready for such a state of union. And in this some are prepared and some are not, but ye must not allow thy faith to be diminished because of the unbelief of others. For what is to come requires all faith in Me and Mine word. For this ye have been preparing, and in this thy faith must be bold and ready for action.
For thy mind is desirous, yet afraid, for the when and where’s, for that is what people seek from thee. But ye must speak, ‘Connection.’ As ye see Mine prophet leadership doing. For they are warning the people to prepare, but I say unto thee, ‘ The time is now and the time of warning is past. For the lamps must be trimmed and the lamps full.’ That the coming of events might not overpower thee. For as My people are prepared, ye must be ready in faith that ye might not be overcome with freight. For the fear of life and death will be on the minds of all, but I say unto thee, ‘All is well with Me.’ For it is how thou liveth that is most important. Fear not even unto death. For in death is even life unto those that know Me and serve Me.’ Therefore, fear not thy days, but fear thy not knowing Me through Mine Spirit. For fear Me as much as ye fear man and in this ye will be made Mine.
Oh, Mine son, for those that seek places and dates… they will come, but first let them seek Me. For if all were spelled out, would ye fear them more than Me? What must I do to turn Mine people unto Me? For what purpose is a day or event if ye are not prepared in Me? Come unto Me that ye might be overcome by thy fear, that ye might know thy way.
Tell thy daughter of fear, to open her mind of belief. For I am all around her but her fear of personal connection overcomes her, so she looks to others where her answer is with Me directly and not through the words of others. For those that claim they hear not and receive not must look at issues of lacking to trust themselves and what barrier is between themselves and Me. For that is the question of each and that is the repentance to be made. For I love all and beckon all, yet some let worth and worry to stand between themselves and Me.
Rejoice in My word because in these words ye know that I am near. Do ye love Me? Are ye ready to receive Me? Will ye come unto Me? Oh My son, Oh Mine children, come unto Me with such a desire that ye might know Me. For what would/could keep a loving Parent away from them that are desiring and asking… faith in receiving. Quiet thy fears. Listen not to the adversary of darkness, but desire the light of love that awaits thee … Come unto Me.
Oh, Mine son, come unto Me and desire Me that I might fulfill thee.
September 14, 2020 Monday (4:39 am)
Oh, getting older is so much fun! I woke with a leg cramp that required me to stand on it to ease the pain and as I climbed back into bed to quiet myself down hoping for some additional sleep, I heard/felt the impression to write. Then came the words, Write My son.” followed by, “The light of love has set.” With these words I fumbled in the dark for some paper and pen kept near my bed. In writing this intro my mind begins to awaken and I am praying that my mind is filled with the light of the Holy Spirit that this writing might be pure and clear with the words of Heaven…
“Oh, My son, It is with the words of thy prayer that ye ask and it is upon thee that I light thee with love and truth that ye might know that I am upon thee, and with thee, and for thee. For as ye heard the light of love has set and in this is the world to be plunged into the darkness that has cast itself upon the world of man. For as man has moved away from Me, so has the world moved into darkness and in this has the light of love set. For as ye see I am still here for those that desire Me, that call upon Mine name, that choose Me over the world. And it is in this that man has choice, but oh the wiles of the crafty one has led man unto himself and away from truth, light, and submission. Even those who profess to be Christian and to follow Me, are deceived in the thinking of (as you heard from othes), ‘But people have spoken of his coming before and it wasn’t right.’ And in this is the logic of man deceived and led away into the depths of deceit and darkness. That even Mine, who profess Mine name are not clear minded and truly believe not in Mine coming and they say, ‘I knew not.’ And I say, ‘Ye never new Me’. Oh, ye world of man, that has been led thought by thought and doubt by doubt into disbelief. And in so doing the Spirit dwelleth not and the light is lost.
Oh, Mine son, so in this ye see and feel Mine grief in man and ye can see the scale of justice tipping and in this is the world ripe and ready for judgement brought upon themselves. For some say, ‘I am a God of love and would not rule in such acts of unkindness’ but they know Me not, and they know little of the working of God and Heaven. For has Mine love disappeared from man, ‘No.’ according to the choice of each is the weight of justice made demand. For as the darkness a world in disbelief made clear, so it is that man is clearly set for the hand of judgement to be known. For man cannot act or do without such an judgement of reward. For ye think love would be devoid but I say unto you, ‘The love still abounds even with the judgement of calamities that will soon hit the hearts of mankind because they listen not to Mine Spirit and have turned a deaf ear unto Mine own whom I have given word to be spoken in warning.’ But the independence of pride has once more set upon the mind of man in which it only takes judgement to awaken. And oh such an awakening it will be. For as much as man has cast himself in darkness so the light of Mine presence is devoid and Mine protective hand that keeps a balance is removed and in this is the judgement of man. For can ye see not Mine heart in this? Can ye see not Mine love in this judgement? For from the beginning of creation was such known and set into the workings of the world to keep balance. But in the freedom to choose, and the agency is lost in a darkness so pervasive that even Mine own who profess Mine name is lost. Oh, the darkness of he who fights against Me and the choice of Mine children have set themselves on a path of darkness and destruction, or awakening. But they knowth not and in this is Mine grief and Mine love.
Oh, Mine son, even now the cloud of darkness draws upon thy mind in tiredness and sleep. For ye thinketh it is exhaustion but I say unto thee, ‘It is not.’ It is the crafty one that permeates the world. For would ye have known? Nay. Would ye have believed that it was natural and not seen? Yea. And so it is that ye must fight with eyes wide opened and in the intention of Mine love. For it is only through the intention of love, Mine love, that will burn off the mists of such a fog that clouds the minds of men. And it appears to be natural, and it is not. For even now ye have to fight for Me, even as ye cast out, ye must fight. Oh, the craftiness of such darkness. For ye think that it is just the need for sleep. But what mind enlightened with Mine light would seek to sleep? And I say, ‘It is in such that the world sleeps in a slumber of darkness void of Mine light.’ Yes, Mine son, I am still with those that choose Me and the light that abounds. But it is in the choice, as ye just experienced, that ye know the light, or darkness of sleep. Oh, Mine children, awaken and know Me. Awaken and have the light of darkness dispersed that ye might know Me as I am.
For ye question light in darkness. And I say unto thee, ‘Who am I?’ Am I not the Lord of Light? And who created/organized all things, is it not I? And is there not Mine command, and all things obey? Could there be light in darkness, and I say, ‘Yea.’ For all is manifest by light and even darkness carries light to be obeyed. For Mine word is of light which rules all things that ye understand not, but it is upon these things that only a mind of enlightenment may come.
Oh ye, Mine son, Oh ye, Mine world, choose Me. Choose Mine love that ye might be enlightened even unto light which holds the balance of all things. Oh, Mine son, ye say exhaustion and I say, ‘Choose Me.’ Sleep, Mine son, and know that I am God.”